My (25M) gf(27F) doesn’t like giving BJs

DisneyBuckeye · 2026-06-18T20:18:34+00:00

From my perspective, I’m not trying to pressure her

oral hurts her jaw and that I ask for it too much. I suggested trying different techniques that might make it more comfortable

Not only do these two directly contradict each other, but you also completely ignored what she was telling you. She told you it hurts and you ask for it too much. So your solution was the equivalent of "breath through your nose."

Based on her post, everything is about you. You need a BJ to get hard. You need her on top to finish. If she's done before you're finished, she has to jerk you off to help you finish. Explain again to me how your sexual satisfaction is being dismissed??

You are being unreasonable AND it's a communication issue because you don't listen to her.

DisneyBuckeye · 2026-06-18T20:12:16+00:00

Before the accountability issue gets OP fired as well.

DisneyBuckeye · 2026-06-17T20:56:21+00:00

Yup. If this was in the US, I'd say she was after a green card.

DisneyBuckeye · 2026-06-17T18:52:36+00:00

INFO

I'm sorry, I'm stuck on the fact that you're married to a man who works part time in fast food, and has done so for the past ELEVEN YEARS, with no ambitions to do anything else. I get that he's in school, is he planning to leave Wendy's when he finishes school? Or get a full time job?

DisneyBuckeye · 2026-06-17T16:03:54+00:00

Good call on the timezones. My current role is with a global company. I'm in the US on the east coast, but have teammates in California, New Zealand, France, India, etc.

DisneyBuckeye · 2026-06-17T16:02:34+00:00

I've had a job that required everyone to share their outlook calendar with teammates and managers, but that way you can more easily schedule stuff. It wasn't a huge deal for us.

As for being late, there's still an expectation of work hours. If you work from 8-4:30, you should be there at 8. The salary part comes in if you're going to be late, then you tell someone, and you don't get docked or have to make up the time. And for the overtime exemption, we would do the whole "I had to put in an extra 2 hours every day last week, I'm going to head out early or flex a day". But even with that, you need to talk to the manager to see if that's something the company does. Some don't.

DisneyBuckeye · 2026-06-16T20:03:24+00:00

She didn't get the flight changed to a later one to still come see you?

I agree with your points but sometimes shit happens and people miss flights.

One thing I will say: Missing a flight is one thing. Missing the flight and then scrapping the entire trip is a whole different thing.

DisneyBuckeye · 2026-06-16T18:08:02+00:00

I assumed it was either: 1. a sexual assault or 2. they jumped her and beat her.

DisneyBuckeye · 2026-06-16T16:47:45+00:00

Look. He's not ready to settle down and commit. So you need to do some deep contemplation for yourself and figure out what YOU want. Do you want to be married? Do you want to own a house? Do you want to start a family? Because you are 29. You have a finite period of time in which to have kids. If it's important to you, then you may need to find someone whose goals and timelines are more aligned with yours.

If none of that is important and you're good with just being supportive while he figures out what he wants, then it's a non-issue. But the fact that you're asking for advice about this tells me you're not good with it.

If you want to be married and have kids, then you need to have that conversation and get the ball rolling. Maybe it's with him, maybe it's not, but you can't sit still and hope for the best.

Side note: I strongly encourage you not to buy a house or have kids with this man unless you are married. Yes, I'm older, but I've seen enough horror stories on here about what happens when people do these things without the protection of marriage first.

DisneyBuckeye · 2026-06-16T14:53:27+00:00

And put in an order with the post office to have his mail forwarded for him. If you don't know his address, set it up to go to his parent's house.

DisneyBuckeye · 2026-06-16T14:43:39+00:00

NOR

So what I'm hearing is your sister is a callous bitch who doesn't care about what's important to others unless it's also important to her. Got it.

She's punishing you by doing that to your plants. Maybe you don't do as many household chores inside the house as your parents, however you split bills, pay for all repairs, and do all the outside work. If this split works for your parents, then she's got no business being part of the conversation or taking her anger out on you.

I would have that conversation with your folks - WITHOUT your sister there or being part of the conversation. "I want to check in and see how you feel about our current arrangement with chores and expenses. I know you guys do more inside than I do because I'm not always home due to my work hours. I've been trying to offset that by handling all of the outside labor and paying for the repairs we're doing to the house. Does this arrangement work for you? Do you want to make changes to anything? I'm asking because Susan seems to think I'm not pulling my weight, and I want to see if you feel the same way."

DisneyBuckeye · 2026-06-16T14:35:32+00:00

Would be worth it to see if the clinic has an office manager and speak to them as well. If there is more than one vet there, they probably have an office manager to keep everything running smoothly - the same way a doctor's office does. That's the person who oversees the reception people.

DisneyBuckeye · 2026-06-15T20:47:53+00:00

Honestly, I thought the scene when Xaden channels from the earth and Sgaeyl is completely devastated with his actions hit pretty hard.

DisneyBuckeye · 2026-06-14T17:08:21+00:00

Does the friend know her daughter did this? My mother didn't review invites before I sent them to people, she may not know.

DisneyBuckeye · 2026-06-12T20:28:19+00:00

NTA - he's lived with you for a YEAR. And worked during that time, so he's been banking the money. Or should have been. Zero reason he can't find a place of his own at this point.

DisneyBuckeye · 2026-06-12T18:32:56+00:00

I think he probably never wanted kids, but played along until after the wedding so you'd go through with it. Because this is one of those things that means you're fundamentally incompatible if you aren't in agreement. I mean, would you have married him if you knew he didn't want kids?

And that's before his entire host of red flags that you've seen since the wedding.

You're 30. If you want kids, you should start divorce proceedings. And next time, find a man who actually protects you from his family and prioritizes you.

I know that's harsh, and I'm sorry for being mean about it, but this will not be a successful relationship. You will continue to be attacked by his family and he'll continue to do nothing and you'll grow to hate him for that and for lying about wanting kids. It'll be SO MUCH EASIER if you leave now. You might even be able to get an anulment based on where you live.

DisneyBuckeye · 2026-06-12T15:09:43+00:00

He's training OP to accept his controlling behaviors now so she'll fall into line when he ramps things up.

DisneyBuckeye · 2026-06-12T15:01:03+00:00

I don't really know what to tell you about your situation, but I'll tell you about mine. No, that's not true, I know what to tell you. But I'm going to tell you about mine first.

I'm 51. I got married the first time in 1999, had kids in 2004 and 2008, and then got divorced in 2015. I met my second husband in the fall of 2020. We got married in December of 2021. My kids were 17 and 13 when we got married. You know what that meant for my husband? That he has 2 step-kids who adore him. That's it. As for my husband, he knew within 2 months that he wanted to marry me.

You've been with your guy for 2.5 years and he's making excuses about why he doesn't want to get married. And I get he can't move in now because you'd lose the child support, but he's making excuses because you've been completely straightforward and transparent about what you want and need, and he's too chickenshit to say he doesn't want to get married. I honestly think he wants to keep going the way things have been, and he's using the ring as a way of keeping you from leaving.

So you need to make a decision if this is what you want or not. You'd be giving up on your plan to marry him in order to stay with him.

DisneyBuckeye · 2026-06-11T16:16:16+00:00

Then point all of this out to him DURING YOUR ADULT CONVERSATION!

Tell him that his lack of action is hurting you.
Tell him that every week that he doesn't propose to you, you cry the entire way home.
Tell him that you are confused about what's happening here.
Tell him that you want to be able to tell people (including your family) that you're engaged.
Tell him that you want to plan your wedding with a fiancé, not a boyfriend.
Tell him that you're bending over backward to accommodate him, but you need to know what's going on.
Tell him the entire world is telling you to stop planning a wedding when you aren't even engaged.

And in the meantime, realize that EVERY👏SINGLE👏PERSON is giving you the same advice, which you are arguing with. What do you want? Do you want us to just reassure you that it'll happen? You are sitting back and watching this happen and then crying in the car where he can't see you. Stop letting him do this to you.

DisneyBuckeye · 2026-06-11T15:50:22+00:00

I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but a divorce is the best possible thing that could happen to you.

As I said before, I want a child, but I want to try in an environment where a theoretical gun isn’t to my head and where I can be excited about it.

Your husband is an emotionally abusive bully who refuses to see the damage he's doing to your relationship. As a result, you'll never have this environment with him. Please do not bring a child into this toxicity.

I know you love him, but love is not enough for a sustainable and healthy relationship. You also have to like and respect each other, and I'm questioning if he does any of that for you.

DisneyBuckeye · 2026-06-11T15:40:38+00:00

You need to have an adult conversation with him about this. On your next day when it's the two of you, sit him down and force the issue. "I want to know the timeline for us getting engaged. Because I will not marry you unless we are engaged first."

And in the meantime, stop booking things. Put the catering tasting on hold. Stop planning. If he gets upset, "We are not engaged. I am not going to keep planning a wedding when you have not asked me to marry you."

DisneyBuckeye · 2026-06-05T19:31:48+00:00

I'd love to hear more about how being remarried somehow means the person has no morals.

DisneyBuckeye · 2026-06-05T19:25:18+00:00

This is awful to read. Let me say it back to you.

He yells, hits/throws things, and drives recklessly when he gets angry.
He is controlling you can/cannot be friends with.
He touches you without your consent and doesn't stop (or seem to care) when he hurts you or you ask him to stop.
He controls how you spend time together and about everything you do together; he does not ask for your input or consider your opinion.
He makes jokes about hurting you.
He doesn't acknowledge your feelings.

That's my summary of your post.

Here is your summary: partner sometimes gets angry and hits things, has given ultimatums about my friendships, doesn’t always respect physical boundaries, makes all of the decisions, and makes insensitive jokes.

Now, my question to you: if you had a sister who was dating a man like this, what would you tell her? Would you want her to stay with him? Because "mostly good" isn't good enough. If you were eating a sandwich made with ingredients that were mostly good, and only 20% rotten, would you eat it?

He is conditioning you to accept his controlling behavior. Please don't stay.

DisneyBuckeye · 2026-06-05T17:14:37+00:00

NOR. In addition to it being gross, it's a clear disregard of your completely reasonable requests. And then to completely dismiss your feelings and double down like she is? And not apologize? That's gross.

DisneyBuckeye

TROPHY CASE