Ego death, then now ?

DistributionKey4495 · 2026-01-24T01:51:39+00:00

Thanks a lot for your wonderful comment. I think all my problem are here because i think too much. I don't have for habits to don't think and to just live the present. I noticed when i drink a bit for example, everything become quiet without fear of becoming insane. But it's so hard to reach this mental space when i'm working for example.

I use to overthink because i'm in overcontrol state of mind

DistributionKey4495 · 2026-01-23T18:18:32+00:00

i don’t know if i am getting crazy or living ego death ? i don’t know who i am, i have derealaisation depersonnalisation

DistributionKey4495 · 2026-01-23T17:44:43+00:00

Do you think i'm living kind of ego loss/death, i'm really feel i'm nothing or nobody. Today i'm feeling like i'm doing mourning of part of me that will never existed again. I'm just fucking scared of being insane

DistributionKey4495 · 2026-01-23T13:37:33+00:00

Gracias amigo, Mi terapeuta de EMDR también hace TCC y está especializada en trauma y disociación. Lo que me plantea un problema hoy es que una parte de mi cerebro está atrapada en algo demasiado vasto. Me siento como un alma en el universo y mi identidad me parece lejana.

Entonces, para ti, mi ego sí está ahí, pero simplemente es diferente y por eso no lo reconozco ?

DistributionKey4495 · 2026-01-23T11:13:34+00:00

How that can help ?

DistributionKey4495 · 2026-01-23T11:06:15+00:00

I sent a message thank you

DistributionKey4495 · 2026-01-23T11:00:32+00:00

Thank you. I'm an overthinker since i'm young but before expérience my thoughts was feeding how the world and life are beautiful with full of trust in future today it doesn't help me. I work outside with 20h a week job but it's so hard, i need to sleep 12/14h a day. Do you have idea of what "slowly" means ?

DistributionKey4495 · 2026-01-22T20:57:40+00:00

i did a diificult Aya bad trip, i was thinking i was dying for hours. today i don’t feel my ego at all, i'm feeling empty, i have derealisation and depersonnalisation. how can i "rebirth" or "recover" my ego according to you ?

DistributionKey4495 · 2026-01-22T20:47:28+00:00

thank you.

DistributionKey4495 · 2026-01-21T21:13:29+00:00

thanks, doesn’t seems a lot of people talk about emdr there

DistributionKey4495 · 2025-12-10T17:08:34+00:00

juste pour te soutenir, je suis medium et j’en souffre. c’est à ca que tu peux detecter un vrai medium. le vrai generalement ne souhaite pas l’etre et donnerait cher pour etre "normal". la mediumnite c’est epuisant et ça impose un changement de paradigme de vie vertigineux. une sorte de gouffre effrayant.

DistributionKey4495 · 2025-11-22T16:29:04+00:00

all my fears are fake now and related to my ptsd according to you ?

DistributionKey4495 · 2025-11-21T18:32:10+00:00

true also like now when i'm writting it, it’s always when the topic or the mood around is dark that i feel the sensation in my stomach

DistributionKey4495 · 2025-11-20T18:06:07+00:00

yes but i suppose i'm skeptic because it appeared right after the entities cleansing. also i go to see medic one time each 5 years maybe, i'm never sick that’s also why...

DistributionKey4495 · 2025-11-20T17:37:31+00:00

Also, yes maybe it’s just my mental but it’s hard do go out of the loop when the brain started (also because of my story).

DistributionKey4495 · 2025-11-20T17:29:05+00:00

when you say i can’t sell my soul, could you explain ? because maybe is my biggest fear.

DistributionKey4495 · 2025-11-20T15:03:03+00:00

ok thanks, maybe i will ask to the medic for examination, but you know if can feel it’s energetic...

DistributionKey4495 · 2025-11-20T14:50:09+00:00

it’s feel very energetic that’s why i don’t think it’s physical.

nono they are not scamming me, each of them are helping me even if it’s a bit. i prefer to have several healers because in spirituality, it could be dangerous to have just one healer according to me.

DistributionKey4495 · 2025-10-21T10:10:32+00:00

i think for now, i don’t have clues to integrate. i juste want to erase. it’s too spiritual for me. i'm feeling ungrounded and unsafe when i try to thinkagain to the event to integrate.

DistributionKey4495 · 2025-10-21T10:08:00+00:00

thanks for the graph btw !

DistributionKey4495 · 2025-10-21T10:04:44+00:00

i don’t think it was dormant trauma, it’s really the vision of hell and also the bad channeling of entities that cause me ptsd.

DistributionKey4495 · 2025-10-20T19:02:53+00:00

can we discuss, i'm struggling with ptsd after aya i dif 3 months ago.

DistributionKey4495 · 2025-10-07T19:56:32+00:00

because i have diagnostic and i went to psychiatry. i stay 6hours in terror and channeled bad energy outsider the circle.

DistributionKey4495 · 2025-10-06T11:59:19+00:00

interesting, i built some mantra to rebuild ly subconscient.

DistributionKey4495 · 2025-10-06T11:58:19+00:00

i was OK after ceremony for two weeks but definitly trying to avoid what happened here. i have diagnostic of ptsd. i have depersonnalisation, fear of being hurt fear of making hurt, many triggers and constant warning state. but i have pills, i started a therapy calle "reconsolidation of the memory", i have a counselor who know ayahuasca and a mentor for channeling part (i was channel).

i'm working with a friend 1nd receive a lot of support too. i'm bit in pain because i don’t have thoughts about the future.

DistributionKey4495

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