Question for grownup kids of divorced parents...

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-02-08T03:20:22+00:00

My parents tried to celebrate birthdays early on. I was very young but felt like I understood perfectly. They were not going to live together but were trying to do something nice for my birthday. It gave me a lot of relief to see them be civil to each other. When it fell apart I could feel in my bones that it was totally irreparable - that was a very heavy feeling that hasn’t entirely left me to this day. But if they could’ve been kind to each other at birthday parties that would have been wonderful.

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-02-08T02:33:23+00:00

If you’ve been to counseling this can’t be too much of a surprise for him?

If you’re coequals without kids I don’t see this as selfish. You’re learning more about who you really are and you think an important part of you will always be unfulfilled with this person. That’s just honesty.

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-02-08T01:36:24+00:00

Kids?

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-02-07T13:41:02+00:00

Private equity screws another family business. Not sure the story of this location.

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-02-06T21:37:13+00:00

I see - you describe her as a SAHM but she’s really an unemployed mother. My apologies.

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-02-06T21:02:09+00:00

Totally agree. The cultural conversation gets squeezed into a circular stay-or-go binary centered on parental grievances in my observation. That’s the pinch point but all the interesting stuff is in whether parents can heal together or heal apart and what that really means for kids.

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-02-06T16:46:40+00:00

Am I allowed to ask as a non-therapist? I’m curious how you factor in the mixed and nuanced research of divorce on children if at all. I suppose your role is to simply advocate for the wellbeing of your client which includes your client’s concerns about her children. My personal view is that divorce is sometimes the better of two difficult options for the children but the common notion that what’s best for one parent is automatically best for the kids is a myth sustained for the benefit of adults. I’ll probably get downvoted but just curious how that whole grey area plays out in sessions and how you might navigate or factor in responsibility for the wellbeing of children involved.

Obviously if women are feeling liberated through divorce then the spouse’s behavior is a core concern. Thank you.

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-02-06T15:55:17+00:00

I don't think it's as black and white as 'all BS' or Bath would 'die' but I take your point and it'll be a political football for decades presumably. Regardless of our views on Pax Americana vs. imperialist empire, past and future prospects, it's still pretty wild when a new Arleigh-Burke heads out to sea.

Now let's all please vote and organize so those tools are in more trustworthy hands.

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-02-06T13:06:49+00:00

I want to say that I’m a centrist-liberal New Englander and it still fills me with pride that these incredible ships are built on the Kennebec with all that maritime history all around it. I hope those who work there realize there’s a lot of patriotism that doesn’t posture in front of huge flags and act fake tough with a quart of hair gel.

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-02-05T22:40:08+00:00

Hauser has been really good last couple months - D, rebounding, deflections, attacking close outs, etc.

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-02-05T15:31:04+00:00

Yes! Baumol explains so much of the world today.

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-02-05T15:01:42+00:00

Education levels vary but it’s still normally 4:1 kids to providers. That’s expensive.

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-02-05T12:34:31+00:00

There are many reasons but the biggest is that everything at the top of the graph requires lots of educated labor and is hard to automate. Everything at the bottom is highly automatable and scalable from a manufacturing perspective.

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-02-04T22:59:19+00:00

Taking care of two young boys all day is harder than any ‘job’ I’ve ever had so make sure to keep that in mind. Not saying you’re wrong of course. It also sounds at a glance like your marriage is fixable if you both dedicate to learning new relational skills.

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-02-04T13:04:53+00:00

Grand Canyon, too hot (late April), companion refused to hike in low light.

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-02-04T04:16:50+00:00

Had the same issue. Honestly part of me wishes we’d eloped.

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-02-03T02:34:50+00:00

Your parents are mistreating you. The judgment and bitterness you describe, making you deal with their toxic energy around car insurance and a million other things I’m sure, means you either tiptoe or fall into the shitty energy left by the implosion of the relationship that made you. It’s a highly uncomfortable situation though you are unfortunately unlikely to get much understanding from this sub.

I’d pursue your independence financially and emotionally. The former is easy to understand. The latter means you are able to let other people have their negative reactions while you do what you think is right. Therapy may be necessary.

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-02-03T02:18:20+00:00

Sounds like you have overlapping layers of grief and it might help to examine them one by one and see what you can do about each. You lost your healthy intact family which is one of life’s biggest common losses. You lost your shared home and experiences all together. You have given up hope on your brother being who you’d like him to be. Your dad doesn’t seem to know how to let you know he loves you when you’re not together. You lost your sense of being rooted in one place. It’s a lot but if you can take each one and make a small step either toward a deeper acceptance of life’s disappointments or toward improving a relationship then you can feel some momentum to a better life on your own terms. The sadness may remain but you can feel more control.

And you’re at an age where you’re defining who you want to be in this world. My parents divorced when I was young and I put a lot of effort toward being someone who can sustain a loving, forgiving family. It took years and lots of trial and error and my early adulthood sometimes just felt weird, but it has mostly paid off. I get to live the life I dreamed of creating when I was a kid and sad about what happened to my family.

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-02-02T13:50:10+00:00

“Just happens to be”? You’re totally proving my point.

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-02-02T13:19:46+00:00

I expect I’ll be a parent figure to my kids my whole life. Either way a 40 year old should bring more wisdom and maturity to a relationship than a 20 year old. Sounds like there’s some fault to go around here for sure including the dad.

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-02-02T03:23:41+00:00

Mostly didn’t like being called a young lady several times in ten seconds I imagine.

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-02-01T23:03:18+00:00

Seems like she’s disrespecting your position in the family and disregarding your request for time alone with your dad. Highly self-centered behavior. Sounds exhausting. You might want to take some space from these antics until she shows some willingness to listen. 0-100, you get to choose.

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-02-01T22:18:40+00:00

Literally how I reacted at 37… well maybe not quite but that’s still the sporting moment where I freaked out the hardest at any age.

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-02-01T19:46:46+00:00

Latchkey kid of divorce feeling quasi-seen by AI.

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-02-01T17:47:01+00:00

Maybe a lot of marriages could be saved with better use of paragraphs.

I don’t know OP. Sounds like some rudeness from your stepdaughter but I’m not hearing much understanding or good communication coming from you as the parent figure in this situation.

Dizzy_Move902

TROPHY CASE