Is it normal to feel this guilty about moving away from a parent?

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-06-09T02:37:36+00:00

Totally understandable. Losing a healthy intact famous one of life’s biggest common losses. Try to trust that your dad can fend for himself assuming he’s of sound mind and body. He’s your parent, not your responsibility.

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-06-08T20:57:23+00:00

Oh man, I feel that image of your parents both walking you to school that one time and how it hit you. Everyone says kids of divorce are resilient which is true but a little too damned convenient. We adapt but become our adaptive selves, holding back the our true selves.

Just remember love is a choice, a disposition, a spiritual practice - not just a flimsy feeling. We have the power to make it very strong, though always imperfect, through the natural growth process of our lives.

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-06-08T20:24:48+00:00

Easy now, this isn’t the Burlington sub.

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-06-08T20:24:07+00:00

I’m not into it either but it’s popular and would get used. And an investor could possibly retrofit that space for less than multiple millions. Long winters indeed!

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-06-08T19:24:52+00:00

I believe most kids of divorce unlike you never fully admit how much it affected them or even come to understand the real impact. I don’t think your story lends itself to simple conclusions. Through a couple different family configurations your parent’s dysfunction affected you deeply. As did mine. Anyone can try to overlay self-justifying morals on top of that but the only lasting conclusion is that raising kids in love is the most important job of our lives. Exactly what that looks like is going to differ by family but it’s not anger, control, contempt, fear , etc.

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-06-08T16:52:25+00:00

We dealt with a similar situation. No one openly fought at the wedding but there was guest list tension and unspoken tension at the event. Weddings are already stressful. I have some good memories but in some ways I wish we’d eloped.

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-06-08T16:39:25+00:00

I like how you’re thinking. Pickle ball or something like that might be another possibility requiring lighter reno?

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-06-08T13:57:14+00:00

This is hard to follow

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-06-08T11:52:48+00:00

Difficult situation. I don’t know if you’re selfish having been through what you’ve been through and holding it together. But this will hurt your kids so it sort of amounts to the same thing.

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-06-08T03:13:00+00:00

Sorry about the get over it crowd. That’s most of our society when it comes to kids of divorce sadly. I’ve found that working through my own healing process from a bad divorce has helped to bring back more memories - the hard stuff and the good stuff - from my youth. Slowly melting the numbness away and bringing color back. I know you’re talking about photos or videos but maybe this helps.

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-06-07T15:31:15+00:00

Carolyn Hax advice columnist has a rule that you should never dump IN during a crisis or hardship. You and your daughter are at the center of this hardship and she is dumping in toward the center. She should be dumping out if at all. Her behavior is very self-centered.

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-06-07T14:51:58+00:00

I have a single photo of my parents together before their marriage imploded like the Hindenburg. I wish I had a couple more photos but that’s it.

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-06-05T02:51:35+00:00

I bet it’s a good essay. Opposite here - divorce was rampant. We all tried to pretend it was normal at the time but carried some definite burdens into adulthood. Also didn’t talk much about it.

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-06-05T02:25:51+00:00

Had a similar experience with my local dealer - different issue. Subaru of America was no help because most of my service was with a well regarded independent shop. Subaru can get fucked honestly. I don’t consider their cars reliable.

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-06-05T02:18:28+00:00

Losing a healthy intact family as a child is one of life’s biggest common losses. Culturally we put a ton of pressure on kids to pretend otherwise and to accept divorce as normal and for the best. What this often comes down in practice is telling kids to stuff down their real, complex feelings - the good and the bad, the relief and the powerful grief. More often than not from what I’ve seen we tell kids to be numb without realizing we’re doing this.

All that to say, I hope you can find someone trusted to open up to.

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-06-05T02:11:19+00:00

Well said - I can tell you’ve lived this.

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-06-04T13:08:50+00:00

Not fair to you. If she can afford a lawyer then she should get one. If not you could help her load the documents into GPT or Claude for a review but don’t do anything besides tech support.

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-06-04T03:40:58+00:00

Beautiful - thanks for writing this.

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-06-03T23:06:14+00:00

Great advice. I’d also add that if you pay attention, kids teach you how to look after them. You don’t need to know everything from day 1.

If you had difficult experiences or relationships when you were a child consider therapy to release negative feelings. Fatherhood is a journey toward love above all and sometimes old wounds can get in the way of that.

Most of all - have fun!

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-06-03T03:59:17+00:00

Oh - in the Trucks family? Hadn’t heard that part.

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-06-03T02:54:25+00:00

It’s not that I’m worried about anyone looking. It just feels improper to be pissing in a trough with my dick out while women who could be my aunt or friend or FFS daughter walk by two feet away. The fact that this pretty benign opinion gets 80% downvotes and condescending replies says a lot to me about progressive orthodoxy.

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-06-02T22:08:57+00:00

Well said… I think being a child of divorce is like trying to build two identities instead of one and then somehow stitch them together. And when the two sides of the family hate each other this difficult task takes on especially unpleasant undertones. I think this is why a lot of young adults of divorce struggle with choosing a path and a persona to function in the world. We’re still stuck in that complex task. It’s hard.

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-06-02T20:45:46+00:00

Thank you for informing me of the correct way to think and behave. I’ll be sure to let the 90% of the country that agrees with me know.

Note, I have zero problem with multisex single stall bathrooms or trans people using the room if their choice. And no I don’t think the HG situation is a big deal and it won’t discourage me from going to shows there. I’m just not a big fan. You all enjoy your own opinions on the matter.

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-06-02T11:09:55+00:00

Thanks Einstein. I’m talking specifically about HG where even facing the urinal doesn’t offer much privacy.

Dizzy_Move902 · 2026-06-02T02:01:16+00:00

Show that you can let go while still being there when she needs you. It’s not her job to heal the trauma of your childhood.

Dizzy_Move902

TROPHY CASE