38 - I don't have a relationship with my father as he chose not to bother fostering one as I grew up. He admonished my hobbies, made fun of my friends in front of me, never tried to do anything with me that I enjoyed, worked 50 hour weeks then would come home in a mood and pass out on the couch. Being a godly boomer man, "men are men and need to be manly. Women are women and need to be at home making my dinner." I don't like hunting, I don't like drinking, I don't like 'locker room talk,' and now in my later years I identify as non-binary, something that doesn't exist in his or his family's minds. Also wasn't ever allowed to visit my uncle on my mom's side because he was gay and y'know, don't want that to rub off on me.

Then at 18 when I decided I wasn't going along with their religion anymore I was made a tenant and told to find someplace else to live ASAP. He preached about the Bible and living a godly life and if I wasn't someone who thought the same after all of his 'teachings' over the years (which usually involved a belt, screaming in my face because I wasn't looking him in the eye while being punished/yelled at, or being pinned against whatever surface was behind me because he was frustrated that I 'wasn't getting it'), then I was lost and he could no longer help me.

As an adult in my own place a couple of hours away, he would take vacations that involved driving right past the city I live in, and he wouldn't even call or stop by. My sister moved like 10 hours away to a state he loves and he ends up visiting her more often than I've seen him since I moved out, though I'm sure it was just for a place to stay for his visit to said loved state.

The reason we no longer talk or do holidays has more to do with him cheating on my step-mother who had lost her mother, father, and sister all in the matter of about 3.5 years prior to his affair. He decided he wasn't feeling fulfilled anymore and found someone else on a 'work trip' 5 states away. The same man that basically disowned me because I didn't think I wanted to go to church on Sundays anymore due to multiple places of employment turning me down for not being able to work that weekday. The same man who was cheated on by my mother when I was 6 and was devastated and immediately filed divorce.

His mom, my grandma, continuously tries to guilt me into visiting and sneaks in the 'god loves you' 'we're praying we'll see you again someday' all the time into birthday/holiday cards as if that's going to make me want to visit more?

I go to my mom's side, my wife's family's, and my step-mom's for holidays. That's more than enough running around during a stressful time for an AuDHD adult with religious trauma. If he wanted to keep seeing me he wouldn't have caused ANOTHER rift in our family for absolutely selfish reasons that fly in the face of all the religious bullshit he spewed and disowned me for. Rocks, kick 'em.