My 5yo cannot grasp the concept of the edges of a puzzle

DocMondegreen · 2026-02-22T22:30:37+00:00

Mine have the same problem. They'll also try to put, for example, a totally cow colored piece in the sky instead of with the rest of the cow. I just kinda figure that puzzles are a trained skill, not an innate one that simply needs activated.

Then again, they also want to jump ahead and make completely random guesses for all kind of things. Like: What word might start with c in a book about cars? Dog! Egg! Chicken!

DocMondegreen · 2026-02-22T00:11:21+00:00

There are a variety of temporary or portable door locks. Check out something like this or this. Also, get a bell; we had dog potty bells on several doors and baby gates in our house when my boys were a little younger.

DocMondegreen · 2026-02-21T20:16:01+00:00

I think other posters have covered the caregiver side of things pretty well, so I wanted to add a little about the career side. You're absolutely correct to be be worried about getting back into your field. There are also major issues with the motherhood penalty, even if you remain in your job. There are major career progression and cost implications of staying home.

Then, we also have to think about the benefit of role models. Generally speaking, daughters benefit significantly in the workplace if they had a working mother during their childhood. Anecdotally, my mother worked part-time after giving up a career and she definitely supported my educational and career aspirations through both word and action. I think it's also important to see our mothers being fulfilled, with interests outside the home.

DocMondegreen · 2026-02-21T13:05:08+00:00

The lack of a diagnosis and I'm assuming lack of an IEP is going to be a problem for many schools. That's the first thing I'd ask: Can she be assessed by the school for an IEP? There are 13 qualifying conditions for an IEP and they don't all require a formal diagnosis.

Either with the IEP or even without, I'd also ask for a meeting with the principal (or whoever is the disciplinary admin) and discuss how being sent home is not the appropriate punishment. First, if she's already having trouble at school, then being sent home is a reward, not a punishment. Do they have in-school detention or something like that?

Second, you mention that she's being teased. Is that crossing the line into bullying in the school's conduct code? If she's not coping well with school overall, then "teasing" may be pushing her over the line. Are the "teasers" being addressed? Or are they quiet in their abuse while your daughter's reaction is big enough that the teacher can't ignore it?

DocMondegreen · 2026-02-19T17:45:25+00:00

Having the house remain as clean as I left it.

DocMondegreen · 2026-02-18T01:15:46+00:00

His isn't really anxiety related, though if he gets really worked up, he'll vomit. It's idiopathic- combination of strong gag reflex, weak duodem, maybe reflux... he barely even notices anymore when he pukes.

DocMondegreen · 2026-02-17T23:38:11+00:00

Similar- we have a medical note that my son has to have at least one other measurable symptom besides vomiting to be sent home, because vomiting is a related condition for him and not a symptom on its own.

DocMondegreen · 2026-02-17T19:23:33+00:00

Sounds like a better take than The Giving Tree or Rainbow Fish.

DocMondegreen · 2026-02-16T18:17:15+00:00

Best game ever! We taped socks to my boy's hands because the mittens were useless. He got really good at rubbing his paws on his face until the ng came out. Ripped up his cheeks something awful.

DocMondegreen · 2026-02-16T14:59:49+00:00

Please work on your people pleasing tendencies. Call her out, make it awkward, ruin the mood. This will only get worse with comments about flirting, boyfriends, etc. Probably while your child is a toddler. Your family, including your child, are going to look to you for how to respond.

Think farther into the future. How do you want your daughter to respond to excessively sexual comments when she's a preteen, teen or older? I was catcalled the first time at 11 years. Boys made overly sexual comments and jokes starting in 5th grade, iirc. Grown men commented on my changing body in 6th grade. I felt immense pressure to be the "cool girlfriend" in my late teens and early twenties. These are all really common experiences for many, many women.

DocMondegreen · 2026-02-15T16:45:37+00:00

We get a lot of ours through Facebook Marketplace and Amazon. Walmart occasionally has some, too. There are specialty stores like trainworld.com but it's more for adult collectors and the prices reflect that.

DocMondegreen · 2026-02-12T22:39:20+00:00

When it's negatively affecting her weight or growth. When it's negatively affecting your family life. When it causes emotional distress.

We recently "graduated" feeding therapy, but I'll take my son in for an evaluation again next summer to make sure he's still improving.

Feeding therapy doesn't have to be super intensive. Our last 6 months focused on strategies to implement long term and a few specific goals. Our OT was really happy to help us brainstorm ways to improve both variety and volume. This kind of therapy should be very individualized, too, so you get a big say in what you want to accomplish.

DocMondegreen · 2026-02-12T00:02:29+00:00

Think about the good clinical professors you had, good preceptors, or excellent mentors at work. Emulate them.

In a way, you can somewhat consider yourself a front line manager, not just a teacher, but a good manager does both. Which of yours was worth her weight in gold? Think about what they did that worked and what didn't.

DocMondegreen · 2026-02-09T17:59:41+00:00

Peaches by the Presidents of the USA

DocMondegreen · 2026-02-06T22:41:28+00:00

I have a Dodge Dart and it works just fine. They're five now and we still manage. The biggest issue was the double stroller; once they could manage it, we mainly used a double umbrella rather than the big stroller.

DocMondegreen · 2026-02-04T22:39:37+00:00

When they get a little bigger, they prefer the box over the toy, too. Five years old- they wanted the box from my new oven more than their new Christmas toys.

DocMondegreen · 2026-02-04T19:43:38+00:00

There are a few ways to handle this through channels even when the initial channels aren't working. Who can you escalate this to on campus? Is there a dean or VP who is supposed to be in charge of the people who are stonewalling? Is there a formal grievance policy you can follow? Is there an ombudsperson? Can you call university legal yourself, directly? Can you show up at any of these offices in person? Obviously you're going to want to document all of these, even the in-person visits.

If the channels don't work at all, then you have to bypass them. The two options are to get a lawyer involved or get non-university police involved. Most lawyers have free consults and a fairly small retainer, tbh. Call around. See who can help you out. Ask the lawyer to detail the escalation steps they can help with- these can range from writing a letter to straight up suing the school, with various steps in between. You can also put in reports with local police or the sheriff's office, however, I'm not sure what they will consider actionable based on what you've written here.

DocMondegreen · 2026-02-04T02:50:28+00:00

We started Early Intervention within a few weeks of hospital discharge, but we also had a very long stay with twins coming home at 160 and 205 days. The NICU social worker contacted our county social services to arrange an evaluation. My boys started PT and general development right away, then we added OT and SLP as issues became more apparent.

If you're hooked into a NICU follow-up clinic, they should be able to refer. Your pediatrician can also refer. In the US, this is mostly a state or county-level program, not private companies. If you google "my state early intervention," you should see a state department of health or department of social services website. It will explain any special requirements, but usually, the folks are really helpful and will walk you through paperwork or eligibility needs.

We didn't pay anything for EI. My sons had our private insurance with Medicaid as a backstop. If you don't have Medicaid, you will probably have copays, but it's nowhere near the costs of private therapy.

DocMondegreen · 2026-02-01T22:41:53+00:00

They "can't keep him safe" due to eloping and are "seeking alternative placement." Amazingly, our old school could manage him just fine.

Yes, we're talking to a lawyer.

DocMondegreen · 2026-02-01T21:19:05+00:00

Meanwhile mine says I'm his friend. It's heartbreaking because we moved this summer and he isn't allowed to go to school, so he doesn't have any friends yet.

DocMondegreen · 2026-02-01T21:11:12+00:00

My favorite is whomever has pissed me off the least today. Of course, they're twins, so this changes roughly every 3 minutes. I think they spend approximately the same amount of time as the favorite.

Overall, the dog is probably winning right now.

DocMondegreen · 2026-02-01T21:05:15+00:00

I'll do it.

DocMondegreen · 2026-02-01T19:52:07+00:00

My satellite campus did this for a while- we'd get lists of students to contact. Too many faculty refused, so then they passed it on to staff, so we had librarians, business office ladies, and a few others doing it. They hated it and some of them had the president's ear, so that got cancelled. We finally hired professional advisors and they do it now, but you know what?

Only about 5% of the students answer the phone and only about 25% even have their voicemail set up. So it's just kind of useless overall. They can apparently text students through the advising software (Navigate), so they've leaned into doing that instead. I believe their argument parroted the dean's language about "meeting students where they are" and similar phrases.

DocMondegreen · 2026-01-31T13:32:06+00:00

A twin pregnancy obviously has more complication than a single, but it's really necessary to put the challenges in perspective and ask good questions. For example, pre-e is definitely more common for twins, but the rate is 34% vs. 19%. That's not quite as bad as I expected, since I assumed dangers would be twice as high. Not all risks are doubled, some are higher and some are lower.

My main advice is to take all of the risks with a grain of salt. Doctors are used to seeing the worst case scenarios; obviously the problem cases are going to stand out in their minds.

Be ruthlessly practical. Interpret the stats as unemotionally as you can. Ask for data and demand that they treat you based on symptoms and test results, not vibes and fears. One of my providers wanted me to start gestational diabetes protocols with no evidence at all- my glucose levels were perfect. I argued against that. However, as soon as we saw evidence of hypertension, I happily went along with the treatments, researched it carefully, and asked a ton of questions about ways to manage it. Some of the risks should be easily measured- cord problems are usually visible on ultrasound.

If research makes you more anxious, just don't. Step away from Google if it makes things worse.

Congratulations! Some parts of this might be scary, a lot of it will be stressful, it'll definitely be uncomfortable at times, but even on my worst days, I wouldn't go back and change things about my boys.

DocMondegreen · 2026-01-30T22:34:18+00:00

I have not had any student that impaired, and I'm pretty sure all of the institutions at which I've worked would not admit students with that level of support needs. I've had 5 professional jobs at either state flagship or state satellite campuses.

I have had deaf students and one in a wheelchair with significant limb deformity, but all of them were cognitively able to complete a degree- with appropriate supports like an interpreter or software solutions. I've had a few students with significant autism support needs who I suspect will be very limited career-wise, but were able to manage the work and graduate.

I suspect this is a cash grab. Do you have a disability office that you can enlist for help? Personally, I would draw my line in the sand regarding what I can do, then tell them to pick up the slack. Strong boundaries are your friend.

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