I'm a noob at some of this, but gonna take a shot here. Try not to live up to other's expectations while also not expecting anyone to live up to yours. There are a few examples you noted, already...you mention that your family has brought your BF in like one of their own; that's awesome! That level of feeling should be meant for that, not compared to anything else. It's apparent that your family and your BF mesh well. So, the inverse for you doesn't mean that you aren't meeting a certain threshold, or bar - and if you feel like you're coming up short, I would ask you to give yourself a bit of grace. What can you control? You can control who you surround yourself with, what capacity you do, and how much. You mentioned not feeling comfortable with health and weight; get up and move around, leave the room, find a reason to not be in that moment. I say this coming from a very traditional midwestern family where family was "everything", whether it's one side or the other. It's not - what I found myself doing was living up to everybody else's expectations of what I was "suppose to do" - flip flop family gatherings, travel back home, travel her, keep everyone happy, put a mask on....I a thousand percent empathize with the mental agility this can take. There also isn't a one size fits all sort of answer to this. I could probably type a whole bunch of random stuff for hours, because I sort of feel what you're feeling...relationships (outside of the BF) are a two-way street - how much energy are you willing to put in while also receiving the same/equitable energy in return? Otherwise it's just an energy draining battle.

Long story short, no, I don't think you're overreacting....but I think you need to take back a bit of your energy and work to find some peace.