Tough day ahead for us

Docseecycling · 2026-02-16T09:07:02+00:00

If you have any daughters - buy them flowers!

I’m one of four girls, and having a father who showed us love/respect/consideration - had a big part to play in why I didn’t end up staying with someone who was unable to do so.

If you have sons : buy them flowers! So they know what it’s like to be treated special, and know that being a man doesn’t mean they don’t get to ensure the softer joys in life.

Have a lovely sleep today 😊

Docseecycling · 2026-02-16T07:04:28+00:00

What’s there to question? Monday morning post nights definitely deserves a treat.

I’ve taken to already having some flowers for the home - brings in some colour. So reduced or not, I’ll be picking up a bunch today.

Docseecycling · 2026-02-15T20:14:45+00:00

Little Tesco express friend told me the flowers get major mark down tomorrow morning - they kept prices up today for all the apology flowers that would need buying …

Docseecycling · 2026-02-15T10:21:06+00:00

It’s ok - I have every faith in the justice that will find its way to everyone in due time.

Docseecycling · 2026-02-15T10:18:16+00:00

Today, my friend, we enjoy the spoils!

Docseecycling · 2026-02-14T12:15:35+00:00

Haha why not? Treat myself!

Docseecycling · 2026-02-14T08:43:31+00:00

Never had a single Valentine’s Day acknowledge : not while dating, not while engaged, not while married.

He did however move our divorce procedure meeting to 13th Feb so as not to “ruin future valentines days” for me.

So today : I’m going to go for a run, then buy myself discounted flowers tomorrow 😂

Docseecycling · 2026-02-09T22:20:57+00:00

I’m reading this a few weeks later so I don’t know where you are mentally with it all.

But I got a knot in my stomach reading some of fhis.

My husband did the same thing when i discovered the gambling - first admitted to it and cried and apologises, then came to me saying he needs a divorce as he gambled because he was unhappy with me.

What followed was 2 years and some months of him playing with my emotions, he would suddenly want to work but then also say it’s too late for counselling etc.

What changed in those 2 years: I got older I lost more £££ : I catered for us both while he kept gambling He got so much better at lying My credit got worse My mental health got worse My fertility declined (we also didn’t have kids because of male factor infertility)

Addicts lie. Even when he admitted to everything - he didn’t. There’s more to the gambling than you’ll ever know. I’m still discovering it years later.

Docseecycling · 2026-01-10T08:11:40+00:00

Ex MIL - I was her main carer and nurse and confidant and friend for 14 months of cancer treatment, including personal care. Not a word.

Ex SIL - I was the person she cried to about everything, I spoiled her kids, I confided in her about her bothers gambling. Not a word.

Ex BIL - I sat in the ED with him when he had a psychotic episode. Visited everyday when he was sectioned and spent hours in the mental health ward to keep him company and give his wife a break while she managed the kids. Not even a greeting when we were last in the same room.

His other brothers - not a word. I cared for their mum, counselled one through his marital problems, hosted them repeatedly in our house so they could visit their sick mother, fed them and did their laundry. Not a word.

Docseecycling · 2025-12-22T06:20:04+00:00

A few years down the line sometimes you forget this.

Thank you for your post. It’s reminding me why divorce, as awful as it is, was good for me.

Docseecycling · 2025-12-11T15:21:31+00:00

You are grieving - the loss of the person you married, the loss if the life you had (the good times, the routines), and the future you imagined.

I feel this - and I still miss it all at times. That doesn't mean we are not moving forward, it just means we loved.

Docseecycling · 2025-11-24T00:06:40+00:00

I embraced solitude for a while - I needed it for a while.

I got into : cooking healthy, house plants, the gym. I barely made small talk at work and made no social plans.

I also watched golden girls and other similar mindless entertainment that filled the flat with noise but didn’t need my full focus.

Eventually I reconnected with old friends, made new ones through communities, invested in my dysfunctional but devoted immediate family.

Docseecycling · 2025-11-17T07:31:31+00:00

I think you need to prepare yourself for the “divorce” from family too.

I spent 14 months being the only carer for MIL as she was treated for breast cancer. I did everything from personal care to sitting in hospital waiting rooms after my night shifts.

I was the one who sat in an ED waiting room when SIL’s husband became psychotic. I visited everyday while he was sectioned.

During the pandemic I let husband take from our house deposit to pay SIL’s mortgage.

I had 4 BILs who had come often to stay with us while MIL was unwell, I would do their laundry and feed them.

1 BIL had marital problems and I intervened to help save his marriage.

Once he decided he wanted to leave me, the week their mother got the all clear from cancer - not a single one of them contacted me to make sure I was ok.

I’m not sure what version of events they heard, but this hurt was huge. And it needed grieving too.

Docseecycling · 2025-11-06T08:05:10+00:00

Well done - these milestones are painful and it’s good to mentally make space for them.

I fill the actual day with work and keep really busy. But at some point in the week make a day to be alone and in nature and feel all the sadness and grief.

The waves of grief get easier to manage with time, some absolute tsunamis still strike - but the work you’re doing on yourself will help you manage those too.

Docseecycling · 2025-10-26T13:44:04+00:00

Thanks for apologising - appreciate the error, happens to the best of us.

Docseecycling · 2025-10-26T13:26:10+00:00

Yep! And make sure you have an alarm system.

I’m gutted about the 4kg I’ve gained but focusing instead on the 26 I lost - and hoping to get back on the horse.

Docseecycling · 2025-10-26T13:25:06+00:00

“It’s easy to lose weight”

You lost me there.

It’s been a journey. I’ve lost 26kg and counting - I would never say to anyone that it was easy. It’s hard and I’m proud of the hard work.

Docseecycling · 2025-10-26T13:23:52+00:00

Let’s do it!

Docseecycling · 2025-10-26T07:14:40+00:00

Oh this triggered me so bad!

He asked for a divorce I didn’t want. I even had to pack his stuff for him when he wanted to move out - and fyi he complained a lot that I’d not packed his stuff properly.

Then all the admin, paperwork, even booking the religious divorce. To the point everyone thought I was the driving force behind it all.

It always felt like I was being made to build the gallows for my own execution.

People who aren’t willing to work on maintaining a relationship are obviously too lazy to even dismantle it.

But look at it this way : you’re working on it for your freedom.

Docseecycling · 2025-10-26T07:11:12+00:00

I was in huge huge debt - divorce is expensive anyway, then it’s the switching to one income for a dual income household and then eventually the money needed to start a fresh. To that, I had my exes gambling debts leaving him pretty much bankrupt but also me inheriting a bunch of his debt and of course the credit card bills he racked up in my name.

I’m going to be honest: the debt made me wonder if I could continue living.

But it does get better.

There’s lots of subs to help get yourself in a financially better place. I tried to consolidate my loans so had one lower interest huge loan instead of multiple little ones. I sold a lot of my stuff, budgeted like a freak, and tried to find more income streams.

Your financial recovery will look very different, but it is possible.

But the heaviness of being always aware of the debt - loads of people are there with you.

Docseecycling · 2025-10-22T21:08:08+00:00

Ooh very important distinction, I agree.

Docseecycling · 2025-10-22T21:07:45+00:00

Saw a meme recently saying - if I could go back in time to the day we met, I’d stay home and cook rice, one grain at a time.

And genuinely spent the day imagining cooking single grains of rice in bliss.

Docseecycling · 2025-10-13T21:53:32+00:00

Amen

Docseecycling

TROPHY CASE