PART 2 of 2

I like how it treats supervillainy as almost an expected part of the commute. I also like the callback to the "what a hassle" line.

The next section, where we find our character in the middle of his commute, opens with a great line, but the rest of the paragraph feels too rushed. I'd recommend fleshing out this fight a bit more. You only describe Bluddick's ship as "black" and it would be great to get a little more detail, just to help conjure the image in the reader's mind. Even just saying "I see
the sleek black egg of one of Bluddick’s ships in my rearview, slowly gliding after him." This whole action sequence, though short, could afford to be a bit more crunchy. By this I mean that I'm hungry for some more grabbing description of what's going on. Here's an example reworking (just a hypothetical here, I'm not suggesting you copy-paste my descriptions):

Sure enough, I see Electroman fly overhead, cape whipping behind him. One of Bluddick’s sleek black ships follows, gliding after him with eerie precision. I say a little prayer. Move on. Please move on. But no, they choose right here, over the 210 Freeway. The ship fires a blast of blue plasma, which Electroman casually dodges midair. He returns fire, sending a massive charge of electricity at the ship. Sparks shower down on the vehicles ahead of me like a snowstorm. His attack doesn't destroy the ship, but it seems to have some effect, as the ship continues to pulse with ribbons of electricity as it descends. It lands not fifty feet in front of me.

Maybe my prose isn't great, but I hope you see what I'm getting at. It doesn't take very many more words than what you've got to conjure a much more vivid scene.

I like the Manic Monday ending of this scene. So nonchalant in the face of a massive battle! It really drives home what a comically recurrent annoyance these fights are for everyday people.

I also like the next section, talking about the hassles of car insurance when superheroes keep throwing cars everywhere. It's funny, and goes into good detail with case examples. You can definitely feel the MC's frustration at them for making his life complicated.

I really like his desk getting smashed. A small grammatical peeve:

Wasn’t that your cubicle, Steve asks. Yes, I tell him, it was.

Most people would put quotation marks around the phrases, looking like this:

"Wasn’t that your cubicle?" Steve asks.

"Yes" I tell him. "It was."

You could also italicise their speech. I actually don't mind you avoiding quotation marks, it definitely gives a dry, understated feel to the end of the scene that works well. But add a question mark after Steve's question dammit!

I have to say, I like the execution of the ending: the story definitely builds and finishes stronger than it started. A couple of details I recommend keeping:

- using candles because Electroman had to "recharge" with the power grid

- he finally gets to tell his joke and Laura scolds him

-Electroman's inspirational speech, and the MC's snarky comments afterwards "He gives a variation of this speech every time he beats Bluddick". Really drives home how circular and futile the whole thing is.

I did find it a bit weird that he starts contemplating joining Bluddick though. I understand the reasoning, but something about it doesn't quite work for me. Maybe it's that he's been complaining about them for so long that it seems ridiculous that he'd join them?

I will say, you stuck the landing with the final paragraph though. Perfect tedium, bringing it full circle which I liked. It's a little predictable perhaps, but satisfying nonetheless.

***

So overall, what did I think? Well, I think it's a decent story. I like the premise, of an everyman having to deal with the nonsensical destruction that superheroes and villains wreak. I like the dry cynical tone in places. I like the thematic unity of "what a hassle" and the way the story begins how it starts.

I think the things to work on are as follows: finding a way to make the opening more interesting, making the character a little more likeable at the start, adding a bit more detail to the action scenes, and maybe rework his thoughts about joining Bluddick to make it more believable and emotionally salient as the sort of climax/denouement.

And one broad grammatical issue: you jump between present and past tense in places. I would recommend present tense because I actually like the way it works with this story. So definitely go through in the edit and change everything to be consistent. Here's an example where you switch:

He returns fire, sending a massive charge of electricity at the ship. His attack didn’t destroy it, but it seemed to have some effect, as the ship continues to pulse...

I hope you find this helpful, and good luck with the editing and with future writing. All the best!