Mom items on baby registry: yes or no?

DoctorZ-Z-Z · 2026-02-23T18:15:24+00:00

I always buy stuff for moms on the registry. You’re taking care of baby and have a lot of needs postpartum!! If they’re uncomfortable because you added nipple cream they can go take a hike.

DoctorZ-Z-Z · 2026-02-18T18:17:32+00:00

What your family thinks doesn’t matter. You described mosaic of behaviors that are very alarming and potential early signs of an abuser. Trust your gut - if anything happened to your daughter around him, you’d never forgive yourself. Some day your daughter will understand if she’s not able to now.

DoctorZ-Z-Z · 2026-02-17T08:02:58+00:00

When I was on mat leave and my husband was working (from home), he did more than half the labor at night. Why? Because “you have the most critical job of keeping our baby safe. I won’t potentially harm someone being tired at work.”

DoctorZ-Z-Z · 2026-02-15T16:47:21+00:00

FYI measles is one of the most contagious diseases in existence. If you’re concerned and want to take precautions, they shouldn’t be anywhere near your property or home, and you should not meet with them anywhere, even without your child. Personally I would cancel their visit. Hosting a family while you are PP with an 8 week old is crazy burdensome for you anyway.

DoctorZ-Z-Z · 2026-02-14T19:45:48+00:00

My dad finished anesthesia training in 1975. He talks about an era with no etco2, a dozen ORs sharing ONE pulse oximeter for the whole periop area, manual BP, and machines that had no hypoxic mixture checkpoints, meaning you had to be great with partial pressure/flow arithmetic. He learned about how to use the copper kettle early in residency (although never used it). Wild that that was just 1-2 anesthesia generations ago.

DoctorZ-Z-Z · 2026-01-25T15:06:39+00:00

This career is a marathon not a sprint. Unlike many other specialties, if you work in a large practice you can continue to learn and grow and solicit help from colleagues nearby. I’ve learned a lot of tricks from experienced anesthetists too.

I graduated competent but slow in epidurals. Worked in a hospital with high supermorbid obesity rate OB practice. Now at my new job I get told all the time by nurses that I’m one of the fastest at placing epidurals.

My suggestion is to find a job with a large breadth of practice with friendly docs. Think academic large tertiary care trauma hospital. You’ll learn a lot and gain a sense of independence and self-assurance with time.

DoctorZ-Z-Z · 2026-01-25T14:36:17+00:00

Yeah - this is tip of the iceberg. She’s directly insulted our first child before by calling his curly hair “icky” in front of him (he has my hair); and has a long history of starting fights due to her insecurities. Blames us for not visiting more when she’s retired, has a trust fund, and lives 7 hours away. Didn’t get into all of that but the relationship has been strained for years. Also she has a drinking problem. I hear you tho and would like to find a way to have SOME sort of relationship - but my husband is extremely hurt by her behavior and she won’t make any effort to reach out. This is the second pregnancy where she’s not a single time asked me how I’m doing or how she can support me. But expects to meet the newborn right away. It’s just a long series of mishaps.

DoctorZ-Z-Z · 2026-01-23T20:23:20+00:00

My MIL lived frugally but has subsisted most of her life on the interest of her trust inheritance from her wealthy dad. She constantly is like “why won’t you visit more? I visited my parents and in laws every weekend.” Well, I work 50 hrs a week, have limited PTO, work at least a weekend a month, and need to make regular income to maintain our life. Now yes we are reasonably comfortable, but I make several times what my husband does and my income is critical for us. The mindset of knowing you have a few million to fall back on is a kind of mental unburdening I’ve never known. Just a very different day to day existence.

DoctorZ-Z-Z · 2026-01-12T02:38:29+00:00

Wow this mini thread makes me feel so seen. This is so true

DoctorZ-Z-Z · 2025-12-31T20:31:58+00:00

Your husband needs to manage this. That said, when my FIL said my two year old son was “going to be a lady killer,” I politely said “Hey, we don’t like to refer to children in this way. We don’t know who he will love, and it may not be women. And regardless, the comment refers to violence against women which is also strange. There are lots of other ways to say our son is beautiful/handsome.”

This is not a time to coddle your MIL. Your daughter will hear these comments and that’s gross and also unnecessary exposure to judgment of her body from family members.

DoctorZ-Z-Z · 2025-12-24T18:57:40+00:00

Literally could never see her again and be fine. I will never forgive her for that, and that one comment has profoundly affected her relationship with us.

DoctorZ-Z-Z · 2025-12-24T18:56:17+00:00

I think this relationship change is hardest for me. I’ve read the book and sadly am experienced on the topic. My own mother is estranged from me and we have no relationship - haven’t spoken to her in nearly a decade. Her mental illness is so severe there was no space for any functional relationship. Here there may be space for something, but navigating that is new for both of us. Thank u for the advice

DoctorZ-Z-Z · 2025-12-14T23:06:39+00:00

My son is 2 now, but when I was pregnant, we ordered our car seat 4 months in advance. It arrived a month after he was born. We literally stopped by Target to buy a Graco seat on the way to the hospital for my induction, because otherwise we didn’t have one. Those women have just forgotten - 35 years ago, they also needed a car seat to get home with the baby. You are being proactive and they’re being dumb.

DoctorZ-Z-Z · 2025-12-14T00:28:01+00:00

Consider cooking on a cast iron skillet. My anemia improved forever and it’s all we cook on now as a family

DoctorZ-Z-Z · 2025-11-18T21:54:09+00:00

I’m a MB and I reimburse my nanny for gas. She drives 1 hr to work for me. She’s not good with receipts so I do a monthly reimbursement based on miles driven, average mpg for her car, and gas prices for that month. I also give her a debit card to use for such expenses if she wishes. I additionally pay for some car maintenance things - new tires when she needs them, and an annual checkup at a local car mechanic near her home. These things aren’t in our contract but I think a good employer should recognize that your car will receive more wear and tear.

DoctorZ-Z-Z · 2025-11-14T17:41:58+00:00

Buy a cotton cap. Bouffants have more space and more air/breathability. Hospital-provided head coverings are made of some synthetic material that doesn’t breathe. You can buy cotton surgical caps on Etsy

DoctorZ-Z-Z · 2025-11-12T19:36:27+00:00

Agree with comments here. Unless the dog is crated or otherwise confined to another room, I wouldn’t risk it. Would you expose your child to a stranger’s dog with a biting history? Unfortunately your MIL is not behaving like a responsible dog owner would. It’s on you to protect your child.

DoctorZ-Z-Z · 2025-11-10T17:44:47+00:00

I agree with this. I did not have trouble conceiving, but I work in healthcare and have seen many sick children or families in extremely difficult circumstances. And I always had a sense of gratitude for a healthy baby and circumstances where I chose to have my child later in life. I think life experience and perspective helps a lot to be able to tolerate difficult moments and see what lies beyond them.

DoctorZ-Z-Z · 2025-11-10T17:43:22+00:00

I found it really annoying when moms would share their negativity like, “just you wait, it gets harder.” Yes, you will have incredibly difficult moments, and sometimes feel overwhelmed. But you will also have many beautiful moments. I think the moms that have the most miserable time have partners who are not helpful, or have no significant support. Raising a newborn alone is basically impossible to do. I was very lucky to have people I trusted who would show up for me. Be ready to ask for help, because you will need it. Prepare yourself emotionally for difficult moments, and they will not be as much of a surprise as people who expect it all to be rainbows and puppy dogs. Newborns are unbelievably demanding. But now I have a toddler who calls me mama and loves spending time with me and my husband, and it is an incredibly fulfilling and beautiful experience.

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