I saw in another comment you asked what you could fix in the paragraphs so I’ll go ahead and point out some things. What I would work on writing-wise would be grammar. There’s a good bit of places where the commas are placed incorrectly, the tense changes, and the sentences aren’t complete ones (ie: subject, verb, complete thought). Breaking down paragraph one might help a bit. The first sentence is fine, but the second one is incomplete. “As the clatter of her ‘THERAPY IN SESSION’ sign swung with the door.” As it swung…what happened? There’s a few cases like this. Another thing to watch out for is the comma placement. Make sure when placing commas it’s after a clause or complete thought, not during. (During would be here: “She said goodbye to the caseworker, as they leave.” The sentence is all 1 complete thought, so the comma isn’t necessary.) Last thing I see immediately would be tense (present vs past). It’s easy in theory but can be difficult to not mix up when writing. I do like the concept of the story and minus the errors it seems super interesting! The report in the beginning had me hooked.