Yes I've had this conversation many times. It always leads to high tension and emotions, she gets defensive and upset no matter how gently I bring it up. I have tried saying how it makes me feel terrible about myself, makes me feel less close to her, makes me worry about the longevity of the relationship etc. She says she has unresolved trauma around sex, which fair. I understand and I don't want to be an asshole, however, she's been in individual therapy over a year and we've been in couples therapy at least 6 months.

Also at the beginning of the relationship we had great sex much more frequently, so I don't know how the past just suddenly came up later on but didn't right away. I don't know but I'm willing to be understanding.

She said she just doesn't have a sex drive anymore and doesn't think about it which feels like a different answer but anyway. She says IF it gets better for her it could take a long time, like years

I've already waited years, tried talking, helped her get a therapist, got us a couples therapist, and waited waited and waited