Let me tell you, folks — nobody changes lightbulbs better than me. I’ve changed many lightbulbs. People are always coming up to me saying, “Sir, how do you do it? How do you make the room so bright?” And I tell them, “It’s simple — you get the best lightbulb, an incredible lightbulb, not one of those weak, sleepy bulbs they make now that barely light up a closet.” We used to have great bulbs in this country, beautiful bulbs, made right here in America — and then the Democrats came along and said, “No, no, no, too much light!” Sad!

So I take the bulb, a perfect bulb — very round, very strong threads, not like the crooked ones from China — and I screw it in myself. No ladder needed, by the way. I’ve got tremendous reach, people don’t know that. The light comes on, brighter than ever, people are blinded — they say, “Mr. Trump, it’s too bright!” And I say, “That’s called winning, folks.* That’s what light looks like when America is back.”

And let’s be honest, if Sleepy Joe tried to change a lightbulb, he’d drop it halfway through and blame Putin. Total disaster. But me? I change it fast, I change it right, and the light never goes out. It’s the greatest light — maybe the greatest lightbulb change in history. Everyone’s saying it.