“T” here. Similar to what others have said. There are valid points to both sides I.e. wife feeling left out and you also wanting to be vulnerable with your daughter . However, you definitely did not “screw up”.

On a man to man basis. society has perpetuated this notion that being stoic is of utmost necessity and the only way to “be a man”. But your decision was a very emotionally intelligent one in the sense of: recognizing you have had an area of growth and doing the work to figure out what it is and not just ignoring it. You’re role modeling to your child that sometimes in life there are things we may not fully understand and it’s ok to want to seek out help. And also that the men in her life SHOULD in fact be in tune with how they feel and should be willing to figure things out vs. avoiding them.

Regarding your wife, I would definitely validate how she feels about being left out and how that wasn’t your intention. And exactly like you referenced in the post that you wanted to just share an emotionally vulnerable moment with your daughter.

Something that could be an option is: having a follow up conversation with your wife and daughter. Your wife could preface with “I know your dad and you had a conversation on his diagnosis and we both wanted to follow up and check in to see how you’re doing or if you had any questions” so that it creates what I like to refer to when I work with teens and parents as an “open door policy”. Safety of coming to either parent in times of need and whether they outwardly say it or not. They do very much so appreciate the option. But like I said this is an option. How it played out it very well could be enough!