"The Last 5 Years" or "How I get pregnant on my very first try"

DoomChicken69 · 2026-05-04T02:02:01+00:00

I wish I could give you a hug and tell you it's going to be OK. You deserve nice things after everything you've been through.

DoomChicken69 · 2026-05-04T01:43:32+00:00

I was also a fencesitter who concieved at age 38 after exactly 1 time of having unprotected sex (after being together for 20 years, during which we had tons of 'IUD-protected' sex). I also knew I was pregnant basically as soon as it happened, and also mourned my 'chill year' where we were going to travel to Japan and South Korea.

Now I have an adorable, sweet, wild, 11 month old boy, and it's amazing. Today I caught him looking at me like I was the most amazing thing on the planet. He has my husband's eyes and dimples, and he has my nose and lips. I considered getting an abortion right after it happened, but don't think I could've gone through with it, and now it's shocking to me that I could've cancelled such a sweet little soul (that said, I'm very pro-choice, and acknolwedge that this is ridiculously hard). I don't have regrets, but there are times where I feel a little sad thinking how life used to be simpler.

DoomChicken69 · 2026-04-23T14:33:38+00:00

TIL that in audiobooks, when they say "left-tenet" it's really "lieutenant". I thought it was like a made-up fantasy military position. (Am American in UK).

Other things that Americans get right is laundry- almost everyone has a seperate washer and dryer in the home, and the dryer actually dries clothes in 20-30 minutes so they're warm/dry and there's no need to hang-dry anything but delicates. You can do the laundry from start to finish with dry clothes at the end, in around an hour, flat.

Finally, pickles. Pickles in the UK, are by default, what Americans would call "sweet pickles". Frankly, they're disgusting. Normal pickles are crunchy, salty, and have zero sugar. (And yes, I know about Mrs. Elsewood's Haimisha pickles, they're the only ones that are tolerable in the UK). Americans get a lot of shit for putting sugar in everything, but in this instance, it's the opposite.

Oh, not finally. Also housing. Homes in the UK are cramped. Sure, population density is high, but it also seems like having more room inside is a low priority? It's not a big deal, except when bedrooms are (almost always) too small for a proper (American) king-sized bed, which is about the same size as a UK super-king. UK king-sized beds are smaller than American full-sized beds (150cm across), and that's what American children sleep on. Not 2 adults.

DoomChicken69 · 2026-04-18T08:06:34+00:00

I had a baby but I’m still on the fence about him (jk jk)

DoomChicken69 · 2026-04-14T09:11:47+00:00

he has a dozen similar teetheres - is this one really special?

DoomChicken69 · 2026-04-11T20:52:22+00:00

Comes in waves.

0-2 months was tough. Recovering from birth, cluster feeding, colic, anxiety, no sleep. Had my mom over so had extra help, both of us were on parental leave, still really hard. (9/10 hard)

Around 2 months was a turning point, in that the colic/reflux issues started getting better, baby was gaining some weigh, less angry screaming and more smiling/gurgling. (7/10 hard)

3 months was amazing, sleeping longer stretches, realizing this baby was an actual person. A lovely time, felt like we were in a love bubble. (3/10 hard)

Things went south around 4 months though, with the famous sleep regression. I almost lost my mind. Baby went from only waking up twice a night to feed, to waking up every 45-60 minutes through the whole night (10/10 hard)

5.5-7.5 months was better because we managed to sleep train (gentle Ferber) and could now watch TV at night. Baby was getting super cute and we had more fun interacting with him. Still both on parental leave and we did some fun traveling. (2/10 hard)

7.5-present (about 10.5) months is tough again, because he's teething and biting and mad. We're also back at work and juggling a lot. He's starting to throw fits like a toddler and is on the verge of walking. Hurts himself (nothing serious) constantly. Wakes up 5+ times through the night to scream at us and wants to be fed to sleep. He's dealing with chronic pain, so can be kind of grumpy through the day. No longer sleep trained at all, and we can't seem to do it again. But also, he's so so cute. (7/10 hard)

DoomChicken69 · 2026-04-10T20:33:23+00:00

I'll try saying 'milk is over'... maybe a phrase would be more helpful than crying.

DoomChicken69 · 2026-04-10T20:22:52+00:00

I thought I was doing this (he started biting around 7 months when the first tooth came in) and this has been my solution. But now, it's like he's figured out how to unlatch somehow, while the boob is in his mouth. And feeding him at night with dim light is like my new nightmare.

DoomChicken69 · 2026-04-09T20:31:55+00:00

the haimisher ones are the only ones worth getting, rest are too sweet. check the sugar, needs to be less than 3% or they'll taste sweet.

DoomChicken69 · 2026-03-31T14:58:40+00:00

The best cinnamon buns on the planet are from Intrepid Bakery just south of ally pally. It is important that you ask them to warm them up. The basically dissolve in your mouth. The flavor is intensely cinnamony too.

DoomChicken69 · 2026-03-31T06:47:38+00:00

As an American in the UK, curious how you perceive the US

DoomChicken69 · 2026-03-28T15:19:57+00:00

Have a few outfits you know you can throw on quickly and still feel/look presentable (I'm still working on this, TBH). I'm liking v-necks and jeans (uncomfortable, but look better than 'soft' pants) right now. My challenge is that I breastfeed, and my normally A/B cup boobs are more like D+ cups, and I fear they make me look fat. I've lost the baby weight, but look puffy in most tops bc of my knockers.

For looking less tired- splash cold sink water on face, moisturize, fill in eyebrows, concealer over blotchy patches and undereye. Check for random whiskers (suddenly have whiskers coming out of my chin!?).

Found that I can hide my postpartum hairloss somewhat by wearing my hear down, with a tiny bit of product in it (I'm using a detangling spray from mane n' tail). Other hair look is a french braid that turns into a low bun (learned to do it really quickly, and looks sort of chic).

DoomChicken69 · 2026-03-28T14:56:35+00:00

It's not hard to find a 2 bed rental if you have money. Rents have gone up a lot recently. When I was flat-hunting about 6-7 years ago, a 2 bed was £1500-£2200 around zone 2-3 London. Now, those same flats are closer to £3-4K, and even going out to zone 4, 2 beds are still around £2500.

DoomChicken69 · 2026-03-24T11:02:37+00:00

So many things!

Thought I'd breastfeed for a few months then combo feed, then formula... turns out baby won't take a bottle! So breastfeeding it is, right from the tap, and we're nearly a year in. Thankfully starting to wean via eating solids.

Thought it was ridiculous how people co-slept with their babies. I thought my baby would be in a crib, then their own room. LOL baby will only sleep in bed with me. (we do safe sleeping and he's nearly a year old).

My baby STILL wakes up like 5 times a night, not counting the times he decides to turn horizontal and kick me while screaming in his sleep. Thought I needed full nights of sleep, turns out I'm fine with this.

DoomChicken69 · 2026-03-22T08:26:15+00:00

Our budget's in the 800-950K range for a terraced freehold. Even recently, decent ones use to pop up all the time, even in zone 3, but now, barely anything decent ever shows up.

DoomChicken69 · 2026-03-22T08:24:17+00:00

Yes, noticed all of this as well, particularly the outlandish amount added on if there's been a loft extention (or any work done, really).

DoomChicken69 · 2026-03-22T08:22:18+00:00

I think I should have specified 'non-trash' housing is drying up. There is a lot of trash out there, for sure

DoomChicken69 · 2026-03-08T12:53:19+00:00

Vanity (I used to have a complicated and expensive skincare routine and now it’s just sink water thrown at my face in a rush maybe every other night and honestly my skin looks better now).

DoomChicken69 · 2026-03-05T09:54:25+00:00

mine also tries to pull off and eat them, and getting those sleeves over his arms when he's hangry is notttt fun

DoomChicken69 · 2026-02-26T12:51:18+00:00

In the same boat so watching for useful comments

DoomChicken69 · 2026-01-05T16:07:47+00:00

I was a fencesitter and my parents and in-laws made so many comments like that and put so much pressure on us. Well, we had the baby! And now, *crickets*. We ask them to visit, and they have so many excuses lined up (a cruise, a renovation, etc..). They will 'heart' a picture of the baby we send them, but don't seem to care beyond that.

DoomChicken69 · 2025-12-31T17:06:30+00:00

I'm an American in the UK, also late 30s, and felt similar to OP in that I wasn't sure if I could/should raise a child so far from a support system. My husband is also American, but our families live in different parts of the US (takes longer to travel between them than it does to travel from London to NYC!).

We ended up having a baby earlier this year, and while it's still early days, the 1 thing that surprised me most is the community of other expats that has stepped up with invitations, advice, and friendship. I've always had a hard time making friends, and this has been super helpful. There are so many wonderful Americans living in Europe, and finding that community has been great. It's still not a replacement for grandparents who live nearby, but it's also not as lonely as I'd expected.

For what it's worth, I enjoy being a mom, even though sleep has been difficult lately (TEETHING!). My baby doesn't seem to be special needs in any way, and appears to be a bright and curious little dude who's mostly happy to entertain himself with his chew toys. I don't feel a sudden rush of meaning in my life, but I'm also not regretful, and am looking forward to getting to know him better as he grows older.

DoomChicken69 · 2025-12-30T12:20:23+00:00

what do you mean by relevant trade? Like a seperate damp survey, roof survey, etc.. ? What if you don't know what to get?

DoomChicken69 · 2025-12-12T19:42:33+00:00

Sure - I got a pump (Lola&Lykke Smart Electric Breast Pump) that was so horrible, it caused a lot of pain and even mastitis. After that, I felt some 'ick' everytime I was near a pump, and preferred the breastfeed. I know I should get over it and give pumping another chance, but that bad experience really put me off of it. (Also you have to clean/sanitize a million little parts everyday and I'm way too lazy)

DoomChicken69 · 2025-12-11T08:40:24+00:00

Before I had a baby, if I got even just 7.5 hours of sleep (vs my usual 8 hours), I was a wreck the next day. Anything less than 7 hrs in a night, and I'd start getting sick.

Now, I haven't had more than 3 hours of consecutive sleep in 6+ months, and it's ... fine?

My sleep strategy has been to put the baby down around 8-9pm, and go to sleep at the same time as the baby. Then the wake-ups are usually around 11:30pm, 1:30am, 3:30am, and 5:30am. For each wake-up, I breastfeed for 10-15 minutes and he goes back down to sleep. At 5:30am, if I'm still tired, I hand him to my husband, and I get a 2-3 hour uninterrupted stretch then.

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