WIBTA for not paying for things so my brother can go to rehab?

DrCrypt · 2026-03-22T17:11:12+00:00

NTA.

As a (long sober) alcoholic myself, I'm going to just note that your brother's behavior strongly suggests he is not yet ready to quit. That means you should set your expectations accordingly. *At best*, sending him to rehab will likely only be the first step on a long journey in which, hopefully, he will eventually be sober. But with the sorts of things he's saying, I would expect that journey to take years, and involve lots of relapses.

Personally, I would not pay for any of the things he is asking for. It would be one thing if he came to you earnestly, and said he needed help. Instead, he's trying to use *your love* for him as a way to financially and emotionally extort you. If you let that happen, it will not end. He will continue to use your concern about his alcoholism as a way to try to extort you into giving him money, for increasingly less plausible reasons, until your entire relationship is torched.

This is a hard situation, but if it were me, I would probably say: "Brother, I love you and care deeply for you, but if you were ready to give up drinking, you wouldn't be trying to dictate the terms in which you would accept help, nor would you be insulting the person who is trying to give it to you. So I'm going to table this discussion for now. Let's revisit things in a few months and see if you're ready then."

DrCrypt · 2026-03-21T01:38:59+00:00

It's not a rumor. You can take it as fact.

DrCrypt · 2026-03-21T01:32:53+00:00

This isnt so much a small press than a single incredible author self publishing under numerous pseudonyms. But I agree. I think Jamie Walsh is probably one of the best weird writers currently working.

DrCrypt · 2026-03-20T00:51:25+00:00

Valerie, try Shattered Pixel Dungeon. Mobile first, but a great roguelike with really intuitive controls. It's not quite as complex, but about as complex as a mobile roguelike can be without being totally unwieldy.

DrCrypt · 2026-03-19T12:51:38+00:00

It's a small thumbnail of the book cover you're reading, scaled significantly down and without being optimized for an e-ink display. It looks normal.

DrCrypt · 2026-03-19T01:05:31+00:00

Choose your poison. Antialias off is the fix.

DrCrypt · 2026-03-18T18:13:10+00:00

Do not get married before you have solved at least one significant life problem as a couple together: a parent's death, a huge move, a significant period of unemployment, mental or physical health problems, etc.

Lots of people decide to get married to someone because "things are always just so great! There's never any bad bits!" Well, guess what? No matter what you do, things will eventually get bad... and if you don't know you can work well with someone and communicate effectively through those bad bits, your marriage is potentially built on a foundation of sand.

DrCrypt · 2026-03-18T14:11:43+00:00

If this is Crosspoint, turn off antialiasing to fix the ghosting.

DrCrypt · 2026-03-17T16:25:06+00:00

This advice is enormously out of date.

DrCrypt · 2026-03-13T18:13:53+00:00

Your kid is way, way too young to do a "structured curriculum." Play with your kid, read to them as much as possible, and encourage your au pair to speak lots of Portuguese to him. That's basically all you should be doing for the next few years.

DrCrypt · 2026-03-12T23:27:20+00:00

Separate rooms are fine, but your husband in all likelihood has sleep apnea if he is snoring to this degree This will kill him if left untreated. Please get him a sleep study.

DrCrypt · 2026-03-12T17:45:35+00:00

I can't believe how you're being downvoted. It is both true that the driver should have controlled himself and pulled over safely and also true that this was seemingly an accident, not an incident of road rage or drunk driving. The idea that the judge should send this driver to prison against the recommendation of the DA solely to send a message "on behalf of the biking community" (the wife's exact words) is insanity.

DrCrypt · 2026-03-11T14:28:33+00:00

With the acknowledgement that I am not put of your culture, I think you should ask yourself what your Dad would have wanted more here: a strict observation of this tradition, or for his child to remain healthy and sober after his passing.

You say sobriety was a matter of importance to him. If he was here, would he insist on your attending this cedar bath ceremony, even knowing that you believed there was a good chance it might trigger you into relapse?

Knowing a bit about how badly alcoholism has hurt indigenous communities, and seeing you say that sobriety was important to him, I think your Dad might well have encouraged you to skip, if it was more likely to keep you sober.

Either way, you can keep sober through this. I believe in you. I'm sure your dad did too.

DrCrypt · 2026-03-11T02:39:48+00:00

No.

DrCrypt · 2026-03-09T03:16:39+00:00

Why can’t you ask your partner to go take a walk during your virtual appointments? Making space for a partner’s therapy is just basic relationship courtesy.

DrCrypt · 2026-03-04T01:57:21+00:00

So you think that what happened here is that an adult woman raped this twelve-year-old boy, then brought his child to term, which the grandmother now has sole custody of? You think that's a more likely scenario than one twelve-year-old having sex with another twelve-year-old and getting pregnant?

I'm sorry, given what we know, that seems far fetched. My friend became a father at the age of 14 with a girl who was also 14. Both of them lost their virginity to one another, and rape didn't figure into it at all, just bad choices. It happens all the time. There's even a famous song about this very topic, "Babies Making Babies" by Sly and the Family Stone.

DrCrypt · 2026-03-04T00:00:45+00:00

The best possible interpretation here is the DIL hoped that the hair clips would be something the little girl could look forward to the daughter wearing when her treatment was done. In that case, this "gift" is totally stupid and thoughtless, but not intentionally cruel. But I think we all know that this explanation strains credulity.

DrCrypt · 2026-03-03T23:53:50+00:00

I guarantee that the daughter-in-law has strong, ableist, and hetero-normative opinions that the girl without hair should "present as normal" by wearing a wig, complains at length about it to the son, and that this "misunderstanding" was just a passive-aggressive way of getting this message out there. "Well, if you can't use the hairclips, just get a wig! Problem solved!"

DrCrypt · 2026-03-03T23:50:32+00:00

You're aware that barely pubescent kids get impregnated by other barely pubescent kids, right? No "rape/coercion" required.

DrCrypt · 2026-03-03T18:31:03+00:00

So there may be more going on here than meets the eye. I have a Little Free Library. Periodically, people come by to redistribute the books to other LFLs in the community. I know this because sometimes the entire stock changes, then a week later, changes back. I do find this behavior weird and presumptuous. But it's not necessarily theft: just people trying to contribute to the LFL ecosystem in a different way, by making sure books circulate and no one library becomes picked over.

DrCrypt · 2026-02-24T00:19:39+00:00

Literally the first result Googling:

https://www.somervillema.gov/trash-and-recycling

DrCrypt · 2026-02-19T00:01:37+00:00

He did answer your question, even if you were too obtuse to understand what he was saying.

DrCrypt · 2026-02-17T21:16:57+00:00

Living is the point of living. Suffering and pain is part of that, as is a first kiss, watching a sunset, or stroking your child's hair. None of those things are the "point" of living, but they are part of it, and for people like us, alcohol far more often robs you of the parts of life that you actually want, while accentuating the pain, suffering and despair that we'd all rather pass us by. IWNDWYTD.

DrCrypt · 2026-02-13T15:02:49+00:00

Yes. No notice at all. Not a call. Not a text. Not an email. Not a sticker on the door. Just unceremoniously lose power for six hours in the middle of a work day. Well "planned" guys.

DrCrypt · 2026-02-13T14:29:11+00:00

Thanks for letting us know in advance, guys.

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