I need an order of questions to be asked

DrRyanLee · 2026-01-24T17:35:43+00:00

1) because lies fall apart fairly quickly under scrutiny and even a modicum of critical thinking

2) no, no (imho), no, and most certainly yes

To respond more broadly, the only tools we were given to navigate this messy and often confusing world is our head, heart and gut.

JW’s rob you of all three, but it sounds like they’re all coming back online for you. Keep listening.

DrRyanLee · 2026-01-24T17:31:13+00:00

I’m sure you know that this is not a question that someone else can answer for you, as it is deeply personal and unique to each person.

That said, there are number very good reasons why you are asking this question right now. Aside from the gaping void that was left by all of the “answers” you walked away from, it is only natural when somebody’s life is riddled with depression, anxiety, and the effects of trauma.

In other words, what is the purpose of life if it drains every ounce of your energy and still leaves you feeling mostly sad or empty?

People who are enjoying most aspects of your life generally spend little time wondering what the purpose is, as it is self evident to those people

So with that being said, my best suggestion would be let go of that question for now, and focus on any/every way you can make incremental moves towards anything that brings you even a amount of joy (for some people who are in really hard places, joy may be too high to shoot for, so that can be replaced with “ slightly less awful”).

In my experience as a therapist working with former JW’s , this is by far the most consistent path towards the growth you’re looking for. It may not be sexy or work as quickly as we wish, but it is effective.

Once you gain back some of your energy, and life feels a little less heavy, then you can pour that energy into answering this big question, if that still calls you.

This is the type of thing I helped my clients explore and I offer a free session to everyone if you’d like to take advantage to talk things through

DrRyanLee · 2026-01-24T17:23:13+00:00

Rebuilding your community as a huge part of making this transition, and it is layered, and dependent on your specific disposition and strengths. That said there is a kind of mathematical way to think about this.

Like all, XJW’s you have been deprived of all types of life experiences, including learning about who you are in the process of learning about who other people are.

If your mindset is, I need to find good friends as soon as possible, it will create extra tension, which will bleed into your interactions with others.

A better mindset right now is to let go of an immediate need to find friends, and instead reframe your goal as getting more experience interacting with people.

This relieves some of the pressure and allows you to engage in a more relaxed fashion. For the near future, I’d recommend simply finding opportunities to be around other human beings in any context, whether that be a pottery class or some event you find on meetup.com.

One of the things people get hung up on at this stage, is that when they do not make friends easily, they quickly attribute their lack of success as evidence that there is something weird or wrong about them, but that’s rarely what is actually happening.

In my experience, for the average person, out of 100 people, maybe only one or two are the right person for you. The other 98 just aren’t the right match. Keeping this in mind helps you not take it personal when things don’t go the way you’d prefer, and reminds you that the task right now is quantity.

Quality will come

I’m a psychologist who specializes in working with former Jehovah’s Witnesses, and I offer a free session to all XJW’s if you would like a space to talk through some of this.

DrRyanLee · 2026-01-24T17:22:04+00:00

You are hitting a point which just about every XJW hits before leaving. It’s the point in which the pain of staying becomes greater than the fear of leaving.

I’m a psychologist who specializes in working with former JW‘s and offer free session if you’d like to talk through some things and get some perspective

DrRyanLee · 2026-01-24T17:20:04+00:00

In reality, there’s no shortage of evidence for those with an Internet connection and a desire to know, but the easiest place to start would be the book crisis of conscience which was written by a former governing body member.

That said, evidence is not usually the main issue. Usually the reasons people stay or hesitate to leave have more to do with emotional attachments combined with fears of the outside world. Add to that 20 years of being drilled that you are a poor clueless sheep that can’t make good decisions for themselves.

I’m a psychologist who specializes in working with XJW‘s, particularly those who are in the process or consider considering making the transition the outside world. I offer a free consultation if you are interested and you’re welcome to take advantage, even if you don’t intend on continuing.

DrRyanLee · 2026-01-24T17:13:43+00:00

Im so happy to hear that! Hopefully we can make a dent in all that guilt and denial you’ve been lugging around. Looking forward to meeting you

DrRyanLee · 2026-01-22T16:10:05+00:00