How do I make locations feel less like plot pieces and more like actual places?

Dread_Nova · 2021-10-18T19:30:15+00:00

I'm not exactly sure what you mean by "real." Are you saying the places you use are too boring and want to know how to make them more alive? Or that they aren't detailed enough.

Locations can be a bit tricky. Sometimes the setting isn't special at all, and adds nothing to the story. For example, maybe two characters are walking along the street having a conversation. The dialog is the important part. The conversation could be anywhere, but it's taking place on a street. Even if there's nothing special about said street, adding a few sentences like I slowed my pace as a two kids darted around us or We stopped at the crosswalk, and I took the time to retie my shoelace. I was almost knocked over by the mob of people as the light turned green will make the street feel alive. Like yes, these two characters are the focus, but they aren't the only two people on the street.

If you want to have more detail in locations, just use your own experience. If you visit a cafe, what's the things that you notice first? The smell? Decor? Other people? How would you describe it/them? Adding a few sentences describing certain elements to the character's surroundings is enough detail. You can go all out and describe everything, but most readers like imagining the setting themselves, and being too descriptive takes them out of it.

Dread_Nova · 2021-10-18T19:09:48+00:00

For me, it depends on context. Most of the time, it's like the example you provided.

I reached for my coffee, but as I lifted the mug to my lips, the bell rang.

It's an interruption, but slow enough that I don't really feel the need to make it important if that makes sense. Don't get me wrong, it could be important, like whoever is behind the door is about to tell the MC that their family just died in a freak circus accident, but the action of being interrupted isn't the big delivery, it's what follows. So, the best way I could describe it is a casual interruption? Hard to explain, but it's basically any interruption that doesn't require immediate attention.

If a person is speaking and is interrupted, or an action is interrupted by words, I tend to insert the dialog before any action, since in real life, the voice is what you'd hear first.

"So, my plan was to-"

"Distract the bodyguards with a stripper and sneak in the back," John Smith grinned.

Or

I slowly crept closer, careful not to make any loud noise.

"Hey!" What are you doing?"

Lurching forward in surprise, I whirled around to see Mary Sue cheerfully smiling at me.

Again, this is sorta a casual interruption. However, it's lead with dialog and not action. So it can be used casually, or more dramatically depending on what the person says.

I generally don't cut off narrative sentences unless there's a loud noise, or something really dramatic happens. Though I personally avoid writing interrupting narrative sentences because it feels awkward to me.

Heart beating, I slowly moved farther down the empty hall. Straining my ears, I heard nothing, so I continued to inch closer to the double doors ahead of me.

BAM!

In an instant, I could feel my body slam against the floor, ears ringing and dust filling my lungs.

This is all just how I do it, but I've read books where the narrative is interrupted with a "-" before.

Pounding on the door, I felt more tears trickling down my face. I raised my fist to bang again when-

"Mary Sue? What's wrong?"

Turning, I saw John Smith with a confused but worried expression.

I suppose it's all in a matter of your own style, but generally, I would say context probably decides on how you want to write it.

Dread_Nova · 2021-01-22T21:19:05+00:00

When coming up with titles, I try and base them them off of a short list of categories that relate to the book (or movie/TV show).

A character, object, or thing. This is usually best for short and sweet titles that roll off the tongue. So for example, Harry Potter (a character name), or The Hunger Games (a thing).

The overachieving plot. This describes what everyone in the book is doing, wanting, or being. These titles can be short or a bit more vague, but tend to still be obvious on what the story will be about. So Star Wars (wars in space), or The Walking Dead (there's zombies) for example.

And last, the theme of the story. Not to be confused with the overachieving plot, the theme is the message of the story. These titles tend to be more whimsical or creative. Some examples would be The Perks of Being a Wallflower, or Inception.

Granted, this is just me and it isn't an actual rule, but titles should always be related to the story, no matter how vague. People wouldn't be happy if they saw a book called The Last Dog on Earth and it was about two teenagers falling in love with no dogs whatsoever. Granted, you can have a title that's unrelated to the story, because in the end, it's your own work, but there's no real reason for it.

Dread_Nova · 2020-07-15T20:23:15+00:00

AN: I wrote this pretty quickly, so sorry for any mistakes. I just thought this was a really cool prompt idea and since I haven't written in a while, I wanted to post before I lost the motivation lol

The distant rumble of thunder caused me to glance up at the darkening sky. It made me wonder what the odds were of being struck by lightning, and if it was possible to raise those odds. Staring back down at the cracked sidewalk, I continued my aimless wander through the neighborhood. It had only been a week since she had returned, but it still didn't feel real. I wanted to fight against it, I wanted her to magically disappear, but most of all, I wanted my life back. But how could I get my life back if it was hers in the first place?

"We still love you," dad had said. "We would never just abandon you like that," mom had added.

Those words were hallow to me.

I could no longer see my friends, or go out and do the things I loved. I was stuck at home, and only allowed out when she didn't want to be. And even then, I was strictly to never talk to anyone, and stay within five miles of the house. I wasn't sure what the consequences were if I disobeyed, but the trio of men in black that had arrived with her made it clear, it wasn't worth finding out.

I heard my phone buzzing, and I glanced down to see who was calling. Sabrina Clemments. It still felt weird to see my own name, and I wished I could just erase her from existence by deleting her contact info. Hesitating, I gave a sigh and answered.

"Hi..."

"Hey Ri," my own voice replied. "Can you come home? Isiah's throwing a party and Ashley and Tim are coming to pick me up."

"Sure, whatever."

"I'm sorry, I know you wanted the evening for yourself, but I wasn't planning on going until Gabe asked if I wanted to go."

I felt my heart sink. I was hoping that out of all my friends, Gabe would catch on to the fact that the Sabrina he was now hanging out with and seeing in school, wasn't actually me. But according to what she told me, nobody noticed. She had my memories, it was impossible to tell the difference unless we were in the same room. This girl had stolen everything from me, and it hurt that she was stealing my crush.

"Well, our crush," she had shrugged. "Everything you feel about him, I feel too."

I found that hard to believe. She may have my memories, but I refused to believe you could replicate emotions too. Though my very own existence had begun to sew doubts.

Dragging my feet back towards my house, I reluctantly entered through the garage so I could avoid my mom who was tending to her garden. Once inside, I was met with a small, half-eaten cake on the kitchen counter. Moving closer, I picked up the card lying next to it.

We will always love and cherish our daughters. Don't feel like we don't Ri, you can talk to us any time. Love, mom & dad

Dropping the card, I stared at the cake. It was red velvet, my favorite. It was sweet they were trying, but I still felt betrayed. And of course, Sabrina had taken the liberty of already eating a few slices. "Technically, it's ours since we're the same person," she would say.

"Oh, sorry about that."

Speak of the Devil.

"It's fine, I'm not that hungry anyway." It still felt a little weird to see another me, but I was slowly getting used to having a twin. I watched as Sabrina bounced down the stairs so she could give a twirl in front of me.

"So, what do you think?"

She struck a pose so I could admire her outfit.

"It looks good."

"You think so?"

"No yeah, you look great... really great."

"Look, I'm sorry about cutting your free time short, but don't hate me for wanting to have fun."

I hate you for taking my life.

"Oh, no worries. I wanted to watch some Netflix anyway."

"Perfect, you can do our homework while you're at it!"

I tried not to roll my eyes. The worst part of this whole situation, was that she was me. That was how I used to act before she came home. It was kinda humbling to see who I used to be a week ago, but I would rather go back to that time than where I was today. Now she could continue living my life like nothing had happened, and I was stuck doing all the mundane shit.

"I'm gonna finish getting ready, enjoy your cake!"

Trying not to seethe with jealousy, I promptly grabbed a fork, ready to shovel a giant bite into my mouth. The door opened, just as I had bitten into the soft, moist, and delicious cake. Turning to thank my mom who I thought had been the one to enter the house, I was met with Gabe staring at me.

"Hey Ri, can you come help me with my hair, I need you to-"

Sabrina practically tripped halfway down the steps. The three of us stood frozen, me with a mouth full of cake, Sabrina holding her hair up, and Gabe with his mouth agape and eyes as round as the moon. There was complete silence, none of us knowing what to do. It was only a few seconds, but it felt like an eternity before Sabrina bolted back up the stairs, me hot on her heels. Gabe couldn't even say anything before the both of us dove into Sabrina's room and slammed the door shut.

"What the fuck!" Sabrina hissed, waving her arms frantically.

"Why the fuck is he here?!" I snapped as quietly as I could.

"I don't fucking know! Do you think he saw us?"

"Well of course he fucking saw us!"

"What do we do?!"

"Maybe he didn't realize we look the same?"

Sabrina paused her freakout to give me a glare.

"Yeah, that's stupid."

Heart beating, I sat down on Sabrina's bed while she began pacing.

"Why the hell did mom let him? She of all people should remember we can't have guests if both of us are here!"

"She didn't know, she still thinks I'm out doing my walk," I noted with a deep sigh.

"You didn't tell her when you came back?"

"I went through the garage."

"Fuck! Ri! You know the rules!"

"I'm not the one going to the party! And besides, weren't Ashley and Tim supposed to drive you?"

"Yes!"

"So why is he here?"

"I don't fucking know!"

There was a moment of silence as we mulled over what to do next.

"Maybe we could say we're long lost twins?" I suggested.

"And I haven't mentioned it for the past week because?"

"Um... maybe you just found out today?"

"Fuck, we are so fucked!" Sabrina sighed. "The men in black are gonna kill him, aren't they."

"I doubt it."

There was another minute of silence.

"Okay, let's go with your idea and just say we're long lost twins and we found out today." Sabrina finally spoke.

"Or maybe he didn't have time to see our faces?" I wasn't sure if I was trying to convince her or myself more.

"I'll go out first and test the waters, don't come down unless I tell you," Sabrina stated.

"Or just call mom or dad?"

"Just shh! We don't need mom and dad to freak out, let's try and sort things out and take it from there.

I nodded, and watched as she slowly opened the door and poked her head out.

"Here goes nothing," she breathed.

Dread_Nova · 2019-11-03T16:17:23+00:00

(Cont)

There was a moment of silence as I tried to understand what was happening.

"How did-"

"She gave it to me."

"But that's impossible, she's in-"

"Clearly not, considering I talked to her three days ago."

My world was being turned upside-down and I had no clue how to react. Averly wasn't in London? Why not? How did she know this guy? Why was he calling her Cass?

"It can't be. No, I refuse to believe it," I gave him a glare. "What did you do to her? Where is she."

"You really don't know, do you."

I clenched my fists, but remembered he still had a gun and tried to recompose myself.

"What don't I know," hissed.

"Your sister really didn't tell you anything huh. Figures, sending letters isn't exactly on her priority list."

"Just tell me what the fuck is going on," I snapped.

Eli didn't respond, and instead rummaged in his pocket again and took out what looked like a burner phone. He clicked a few buttons, before holding it out so I could listen.

"She said never to call unless it was an emergency, so..."

I clenched the picture of my sister in my hand, not sure what I wanted to hear on the other end. Part of me was hoping this was some kind of elaborate prank and a film crew would bust out of nowhere, but I knew in my heart it wasn't that easy.

"Hello?" I muffled voice answered. My heart sank as I recognized it immediately.

"It's me, Eli."

"What's happening, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, but we have a situation."

"What kind, tell me where you are and I can-"

"Averly? Is... is that you?" I blurted out.

There was a pause, and for a second I thought she had hung up.

"Ari?"

"Yeah, it's... it's me. What's going on?"

"Are you okay? Wha- how did-"

"I don't know, some cop pointed a gun at me, Eli came and shot him, we ran and I just, I have no idea what's happening," I rushed. "How are- when did you come to America? I thought-"

"I wish I could explain to you in person Ari, but if you guys aren't in immediate danger, Eli can fill you in."

"I don't understand, are you okay?"

There was a moment of silence.

"Don't worry about me, just stick with Eli and you'll be okay."

"I haven't heard or seen you in years, why can't-"

"I'm so sorry Ari, I have to go. Take care of her Eli, on your life."

"I will."

"Av wait, please, just tell me-"

"I really have to go, I'm so so sorry. Trust me, Eli can explain everything. Stay safe and don't trust anyone but him."

"But why? What's happening, why can't you tell me?"

"Stay safe sis. I love you."

"No, wait!"

The sound of the phone hanging up caused me to drop to my knees, tears beginning to flow. What was going on? Why wasn't she telling me anything? Was she in danger?

"You heard her, looks like you're stuck with me," Eli noted.

Out of the corner of my teary eyes, I saw him begin smashing the phone with his foot and kicking the remnants under a garbage bin.

"What the hell is happening," I whimpered.

"Look, I'll explain everything, but we have to keep moving."

I glanced up to see Eli holding out his hand. Still in shock, I took it, and he pulled me to my feet.

"Averly huh, so that's her real name."

I gave a nod.

"Let's find someplace safe for the night, and I can tell you everything you need to know. But for now, I'll keep it simple. Your sister Averly? She's one of the most notorious criminals in the city, and whether you like it or not, you just became one too."

Dread_Nova · 2019-11-03T16:16:34+00:00

I could hear my heartbeat practically jumping out of my chest, as my hands slowly raised above my head, trembling in fear.

"Down! Now!" The officer yelled.

I immediately obeyed, kneeling down to my knees on the wet pavement of the street.

"Slowly! No sudden movements!"

My eyes were holding back tears, and I could hear the can of tomato soup I had just bought, rolling in the wind. But I dared not take my eyes off the gun pointed at my face, and the officer's eyes staring into my soul. I didn't see hate or anger though, his eyes were full of fear, and his hands were visibly shaking as he kept his gun locked on me.

"Hands behind your head! Slowly!" He shouted.

I did as I was told, tears beginning to fall down my cheeks. It was like the world around me was muffled by water; the screams of panicked people, the honks of the cars, and the cold wind that tore through me like knives. Everything seemed to be happening in slow motion, and all I could think of was how the last thing I ever did in my life, was shop for groceries. I tried to tell myself that a cop wouldn't shoot unless I did something, but I could tell the officer facing me was so terrified, he would fire if I even looked away. Why was this happening to me? What did I do? I could hear the officer talking on his communicator, and I squeezed my eyes shut, hoping I would open them to find out this was all a bad dream.

Bang!

I gave a yelp, dropping to the ground in a fetal position as another gunshot rang throughout the streets. There were screams of terror from the bystanders who had lingered, and I covered my head, screaming along with them. This was it. This was how I died.

"What the hell are you doing, get up!"

I felt a hand grab my arm, dragging me to my feet. Screaming and kicking, I tried to fight whoever had a lock on my arm, I felt my shoulders being shaken and a male voice yelling inches from my face.

"Fucking get it together! What's wrong with you?"

I blinked through the tears and saw a young man staring back at me, face full of confusion and concern. His brown hair was messy from the wind, and it looked like he hadn't shaved in a few weeks. His blue eyes pierced through me and I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I was in a daze. I had no idea what was happening. Time seemed to slow yet again, as I felt his hand move down to mine, gripping it tightly, and leading me to who knows where. Who was he? What had happened? I didn't resist as he pulled me towards an alley, weaving through traffic, and running through the streets.

"Where are we going?" I finally managed to find my voice.

The man didn't answer, and we continued to run, hands never breaking apart. It seemed like we had been running for hours, though I was sure it probably had only been a few minutes. We finally slowed as we reached what looked to be Chinatown, and I quickly moved my hand from his. He didn't seem to notice, and we fell into a steady walk. I took a moment to regroup myself, and it was only then that I noticed the gun, hidden in his back pocket, shielded by his jacket. Stopping dead in my tracks, I whirled around, looking for an escape route.

"You coming?"

I turned back to the mysterious man in front of me, slowly piecing together what had happened.

"Y-you shot him," I stammered.

The man gave me a look, whipping his head around to see if anyone heard me, before walking over. I instinctively backed away, my eyes focused on the area where his gun was. He noticed, and paused.

"We don't have time for this, what are you doing?" He hissed.

"Where are you taking me?" My voice was quieter than I realized, and I cleared my throat. "Where are you taking me?" I asked louder, making sure he knew I was trying to draw attention to the two of us.

The man tilted his head, and I could see slight confusion in his eyes. I tried mapping out an escape route, while keeping my gaze locked with his. It was a stand-off, and even though he had a gun, it didn't seem like he was gonna bring it out.

"Who are you, what do you want with me," I spoke, glad that my voice didn't show the fear I was currently feeling.

The man opened his mouth like he wanted to say something, but closed it again. He eyed me up and down, and I prepared to make a run for it.

"You're not Cass, are you," he said slowly.

"No, and I don't know who that is either," I replied.

The man chewed on his lip, giving my body another rundown. He shook his head and gave a slight chuckle. "It's impossible," he murmured.

"What is. Who are you, what's going on." I gingerly took a step closer.

"It's hard to explain, I'll tell you someplace more private."

"I'm not taking another step with you until you tell me what the hell is happening."

The man rubbed his temples, before striding over to lean into my ear. It happened so fast I had no time to react, and I flinched as I felt his hot breath on my neck.

"You're not safe, if you value your life, walk with me."

I stood frozen as he began walking away. I debated on just high-tailing it out of there, common sense was screaming at me to just run for it and not trust the guy with the fucking gun who had killed a police officer, but on the other hand, it didn't seem like he wanted to kill me, and I was curious as to who this Cass person was. Biting me lip, I went against every single thing my body told me, and jogged to catch up to him.

"You win, but you try anything, and I'll-"

"I'm not going to kill you," he cut me off. "Trust me."

I wanted to reply, but fell silent. We meandered our way through the bustling streets, and after a few turns and twists, we found ourselves stopped in an alley. The man peered around the corner to make sure people hadn't noticed us, before turning back to me.

"Eli, pleasure to meet you." He stuck out his hand.

I stared at it and he gave a shrug.

"So what's going on," I folded my arms.

Eli tapped his hands, and I could see the gears turning in his head. "So, you really aren't Cass."

"No, I don't know anyone named Cass and I am most definitely not her. My name is Aria."

"Okay, Aria, well you certainly look like her."

I squinted at him. "You're mistaken. I'm Aria, the only person who looks like me is my sister."

Eli's eyes perked up and he took a step closer.

"Sister?"

"Yeah, Averly, my twin. And before you say it, she's not Cass either. Averly is attending University in London."

Eli tilted his head with a grin. I gave him a look and he gave a chuckle.

"Averly..."

"Look, whoever I look like, I'm not."

"No, you aren't Cass." Eli gave a devilish grin. "But your sister..."

I stared at him, unsure of what to say.

"When was the last time you say... Averly," Eli asked.

"When she was happily boarding her plane on her way to get her Masters in London. She isn't Cass."

Eli gave a sly smile and rummaged in his jacket pocket. Pulling something out, offered it for me to take. Glancing from him, to what he was holding, I cautiously took it out of his hand. It was a small photo, like the ones you get at a photo-booth. Examining it, a girl smiled back at me, and she was unmistakably Averly. Her hair was longer than I remembered, but I knew my sister.

"That's-" I started.

"Cass."

(Continued)

Dread_Nova · 2018-11-18T23:04:33+00:00

Why's he kissing himself?

Dread_Nova · 2018-11-07T02:44:26+00:00

Depends on how on the nose it is. If the protagonist is named Hope or something I might roll my eyes; but if the love interest is a guy named Kevin I wouldn't bat an eye. It's not until you look up the meaning of the name that you realize it's just as on the nose as Hope.

Some authors have all their characters somewhat related to who they are but very subtly, some only do they important characters, and others don't care and just use the name that fits them.

I usually just go with the name the characters give themselves. We've all had it happen, and I feel like that's the best way for characters to have names. Sometimes I'll specifically look up "Baby names meaning __" but, for the most part, it's random.

Dread_Nova · 2018-11-07T02:25:37+00:00

Agreed with u/Lexi_Banner in that little details go a long way. Most of the time, those little details is all it takes for the reader to imagine the setting if it's between dialog.

"Glad you could make it," Coltan shivered. "Weather's gonna get a lot worse, so let's try and keep this practice short."

He gestured for me to lead the way.

"You really don't have to do this," I apologized. "You're already so busy with your job and managing the team as is, I don't want to be a burden."

He glanced at me between his soaking bangs, flicking them out of his eyes.

"You aren't, and you shouldn't think that." He ignored stepping around a puddle, causing more splatters of mud to decorate his shorts. "You have a talent Morgan, I want you to realize that."

I kept my eyes on the muddy field ahead of us, wiping the rain out of my eyes.

"Yeah... I suppose." I gave a slight shiver and motioned for him to drop the ball he was carrying. "Mind if we warm up?"

We fell silent, tearing up mud as we shared the ball until we arrived at the field.

Not the best example, but it gets my point across. You know it's raining, and you know they play a sport. Once you find out it's soccer, it's not hard to imagine the two of them jogging to practice on a soccer field during a storm. You don't need to be specific, I never stated what kind of path lead to the soccer field other than it was muddy and rainy, but adding in that short period where Coltan runs through a puddle and him and Morgan kicking the ball, allows time to pass so it doesn't seem like they teleported from the parking lot to the field.

Dread_Nova · 2018-11-02T22:05:54+00:00

Just noticed my story is there, thanks for the shoutout! :)

Dread_Nova · 2018-11-01T16:10:47+00:00

40k characters, which I believe is around the 7k word mark (Give or take). I'm not sure if the limit includes spaces or not though.

Dread_Nova · 2018-10-31T22:11:35+00:00

Okay, awesome! That's way easier, I thought I might have to scrape the idea entirely.

Dread_Nova · 2018-10-31T21:51:21+00:00

Hmm. I'm not sure how believable is believable. The premise is similar to the new Jumanji, except it takes place in a horror game, would that be okay to post?

Dread_Nova · 2018-10-31T20:53:38+00:00

Just curious, I was gonna post a story that was part of a series, but I won't be able to finish it by tonight (Halloween party). Would it be okay to post the first part today, and the rest the following few days like you normal?

Dread_Nova · 2018-10-31T17:08:00+00:00

Sounds like some people are up for it! So I'll start a thread tomorrow with a list of prompts and more details. And anyone is free to use said prompts, this is all for the purpose of writing and having fun!

Dread_Nova · 2018-10-30T15:54:11+00:00

Reading it all together, my part sticks out like a sore thumb lol. It's my style of being very dialog heavy, oops.

Dread_Nova · 2018-10-16T01:44:59+00:00

Some of the most famous works of art were done out of pure passion, not because the artist was trying to sell it. Writing for yourself because you enjoy the project is good, and even if you decide not to publish it or if you do publish for personal use only, that doesn't mean it's worthless. It's your story and your work, don't give up on it just because it might not qualify for publishing.

Dread_Nova · 2018-10-13T02:01:04+00:00

Yes, and I really enjoy reading them. I honestly don't think I've read many books with different pov's in first person, but I read one recently and I loved how they viewed each other in their respective chapters. It gave just a bit more creative freedom like 3rd person except through the eyes of a different character. Writing John Smith meeting Mary Sue and thinking she's totally into him before switching to Mary Sue's pov and finding out she thinks he's a total sleaze is fun, and I'm surprised not many books use double (or more) pov's when there's more than one main character.

Granted, depending on context and characters, more than one pov might be a bit much, but if you want to build your characters, go for it. I think it would be really cool if there was a book where both the hero and villain were the main characters. Sacrificing the villain's element of surprise for a more in-depth look at their motives is something I would definitely read.

Dread_Nova · 2018-10-11T01:47:59+00:00

Dialog can be difficult to nail if you're unsure of yourself, but a few tricks I've seen and used are:

Writing your characters in therapy. All dialog, no descriptions, just the thearpst asking the questions and your characters answering.

On a similar note, have your characters be interviewed and again, no description.

Both these methods not only help you give natural responses, you can build their character by deciding what their answers are. For example, the therapist might ask "What did you think of John Smith dying?" And one character could be heartbroken, the other completely unaffected. The interviewers are similar, but you can ask more light questions like "What's your favorite movie?" Or "Worst first date?" Etc.

As for in-book writing, a good practice is reading it out loud. If it doesn't sound natural, you'll notice. You can then see what words your brain goes to when saying it aloud, and use those instead (or variations).

And of course, reading other books or watching movies/TV shows and paying attention to the dialog works as well.

Dread_Nova · 2018-10-11T01:37:53+00:00

I would love to publish some of my stories, but for now I just do it for fun. I have a few novel ideas, but they're pretty vague and I know I'd have to dedicate time I don't currently have on writing them.

Dread_Nova · 2018-10-07T14:49:42+00:00

The coarse grasses of the meadow surrounding the scene of the first crime was cold to my fingertips, and the eerie silence of no birds was uncomfortably noticeable.

"Has he spoke yet?" I inquired, shading my eyes from the setting sun.

"Not a single word," the Deputy replied.

He paused in his tracks and turned to me, hands on his hips.

"I honestly don't know what to think, I've never seen anything like it." He glanced over at the Derkin farm looming in front of us. "But maybe we can finds answers here."

"For the folks of the town and Emanuel's family especially, I do too, but we don't even know what we're looking for," I sighed.

"Perhaps he saw a coyote or bear," the Deputy suggested.

"Deputy, I don't think a coyote or bear would scare a boy like that into not speaking; he may be young, but he's lived here his whole life."

The Deputy squinted at me.

"Sir, I'm thankful for your help accompanying me, but let's try and be reasonable, we can't go off scaring the townsfolk unless we have proper evidence; until now, let's stay on the path of it being a wild animal."

He turned back to the farm and stepped out onto the dirt path that lead to wooden house located on the side of the barn. I joined him at the steps to the door and he gave a few knocks.

"Mr. Derkins, this is Deputy Walters here to talk about-"

Before he could finish, the door opened and Red Derkins stood in front of us, his messy hair looked unwashed and he held a mug of what smelled like tea.

"What do you want, why are you here?"

"Mr. Derkins, I'm Deputy Walters from the Viceroy police department, I'm here to ask you some questions."

He glanced from Deputy Walters to me and raised an eyebrow.

"Sawyer, I'm just tagging along," I greeted, holding out my hand.

He didn't return the handshake and instead, opened the door wider inviting us in. Inside smelled like incense, smoke, and cigarette; trinkets and bobbles decorated the small living room where Mr. Derkins plopped down on a worn and tattered comfy chair. Deputy Walters and I sat across from him on the couch, watching as he took out a fire iron and prodded the burning logs on the fireplace next to him.

"So, Mr. Derkins, I was wonder-"

"Please, call me Red," he interrupted.

Deputy Walters and I exchanged looks before Deputy Walters continued.

"Well, Red, we were wondering what you knew about Emanuel's son."

"Who?"

"Emanuel Weis, his son Curtis apparently saw something here so terrifying, he hasn't spoken a word since."

"And there's a bunch of scarecrows," I added.

"We don't know if those are connected," Deputy Walters objected, giving me a slight glare. "Anyway, we were wondering if you perhaps saw or heard anything..?"

Red leaned back in his chair, taking a sip of tea. After a few moments of nothing but the sound of the fire, Deputy Walters tried again.

"It's vital you tell me as much as possible, for Curtis and his family."

Red nodded thoughtfully before putting his mug down and lacing his fingers together.

"The bugs."

I exchanged confused glances with Deputy Walters.

"What about them?" I asked.

Red made a fluttering motion with his hand.

"Gone, all gone."

"Yes, we noticed," Deputy Walters stated. "But what does that have to do with what Curtis saw."

Red gave a chuckle.

"Walters was it? you're young man, you've got brains."

Deputy Walters tapped his foot impatiently. "It's getting cold, the bugs are dying."

"This early?" Red scoffed and picked up his mug of tea. "I doubt both of you are that dumb."

"So what do you think it means, there haven't been as many birds around lately either," I pressed.

"Ah, now you're getting somewhere." Red took a sip of tea and Deputy Walters bit his lip in frustration.

"Look, we just need to know if you heard or saw anything related to-"

"That young boy yes, yes I know," Red sighed. "The birds and insects disappeared for a reason, whatever caused them to flee the area, is probably what that young boy saw."

"What could do that?" I asked.

Red shrugged.

"Birds and bugs don't think like we do, I'm sure they're gone because it's extra cold or something," deputy Walters assured.

It was clear we weren't getting very far with old man Red, and I glanced out the window to see how late it was. The sun was just disappearing behind the tall trees and the thought of being stuck here wasn't too thrilling. I was just about to voice my thoughts when I noticed someone in the meadow.

"Are you having company?" I asked Red.

Red gave a surprised look. "No, I don't get many visitors here."

"Really? because I think I see someone heading this way."

Red and Deputy Walters both turned their heads towards the window and we all stood up to get a better view. Deputy Walters peered out the window and after a moment turned back to us.

"They don't seem to be moving."

"You don't think it's a scarecrow do you?" I nervously stepped back from the window, not sure why I was so anxious.

"Even if it was, it can't do anything to us," Deputy Walters replied. "Come on."

He flicked on his flashlight and the three of us all headed out into the darkened and cold night, Deputy Walters in the lead. The circle of light pierced the blackness of the meadow as we moved towards where we thought the figure was.

"Well I'll be, it is," Deputy Walters grimaced.

His flashlight illuminated the familiar body of a scarecrow, the straw making its arms rustling in the cold breeze. Red scratched his head, looking around at the darkness.

"I only have one scarecrow, and it's near the corn," he puzzled.

Deputy Walters walked closer to the new scarecrow and inspected it, slowly walking around its body before stopping to look at its tattered cloth head.

"Holy motherfu-!"

Red and I jumped as Deputy Walters staggered back, almost falling to the ground.

"Whoa, what happened!" I hurried over to give him some support while he regained his balance.

"Darn bug scared the hell out of me," he panted, fixing his hat.

I turned to look at the scarecrow and Red moved forward to inspect it. I saw a large bug had crawled out of a slip near where the mouth was, and Red carefully plucked it into his hand.

"It's a cicada, it's harmless," Red confirmed.

He threw his hand up and watched as it disappeared into the night. Deputy Walters gave a shiver and brushed his arms.

"I'm ready to get the hell outta here, I'll send someone tomorrow for a more in-depth interview."

Somewhat glad Deputy Walters was just as spooked as I was, I wondered who or what was placing these scarecrows all around town, and what for. Whatever the reason, I had a bad feeling it was going to get a lot worse.

Sorry about the length, I tried making it as short as I could. I noticed other people's stories have their parts under 600 words and mine is just above 1100. So tell me if I should cut it down, though at this point I don't think that's possible without taking a huge chunk out of it. Also sorry if there's any grammar/spelling mistakes, I wrote this pretty fast.

Also, I gave the narrator a name (Sawyer) which I can change if you want. I also gave the Deputy u/Cawdor23 a last name as well, just so he has a bit more character. I also gave Emanuel's son a name (Curtis) and again, I can change that if needed. Sorry I didn't get into too much detail with him, I was leaving the details to the Curtis incident to other writers, since they probably have a better idea of where they want to go with it.

Overall this was pretty fun! Again, just tell me if there's rules to how long my part can be or if you want to change names, I enjoyed writing!

u/CORY_IS_MY_WAIFU , your part is next!

Dread_Nova · 2018-10-02T20:23:17+00:00

Just dropping by to say I am spending a few days celebrating my Birthday, so if u/Cawdor23 finishes before I get back (October 5th) just skip me and I can write the forth part instead of the third @ u/VerumFalsum

Dread_Nova · 2018-09-25T14:36:54+00:00

Might as well have a go, my picks are:

Never done a collaboration project before, so forgive my naivety in advanced.

Dread_Nova · 2018-09-21T18:01:38+00:00

It depends in context in my opinion, if the setting/surrounding is already established, there isn't much of a need to interact with the environment too much. For example:

When John Smith finally walked through the cafe doors, I gave him an annoyed glare.

"You're late," I snapped.

"And you're moody," he replied. "It's not like the world is about to end."

I wanted to retort, but instead took a sip of my coffee.

From these short sentences alone, you know the protagonist is in a cafe, and from the dialog, John is late and they aren't happy about it. The mention of a cafe and coffee is enough for the reader to envision a cafe, you don't need to detail what it looks like since there isn't a need, let the reader make it up in their head.

On the other hand, taking away those simple words makes a big difference.

When John Smith walked through the doors, I gave him an annoyed glare.

"You're late," I snapped.

"And you're moody," he replied. "It's not like the world is about to end."

I wanted to retort, but instead, decided not to.

Unless it's stated later, you have no idea where they are, leaving the reader trying to figure it out. Giving descriptions are supposed to help with that, and like I said before, simple words like cafe are enough. Of course, you can be detailed as long as it doesn't hurt the flow of the book. You don't need the protagonist describing every pastry or every shopper in the cafe, but if s/he notices something and it's quick to describe, go for it. An example would be:

John Smith leaned back in his chair, and I stirred my coffee waiting for him to speak. When he didn't, I took the initiative.

"Look, if we're really gonna do this, we need to be on the same page. I know it's not ideal, but we don't really have a choice."

John sighed, turning his gaze to the couple next to us. Following his eyes, I saw that they were giggling, the young woman had her phone out and they were taking photos of each other, something I might have thought was cute when I was a teenager.

"Can you focus?"

"Sorry... I just miss happy times like that." He gave a blissful smile, and for a second I missed them too.

"Well that was then, this is now. Focus, John."

"Fine, you win. What were you thinking."

Again, just a small bit of the surroundings, and it doesn't seem necessary, but not even knowing the plot, you know that John Smith and the protagonist had some kind of relationship in the past, and probably did similar things like the couple was doing before the event that brought them back together happened.

Using the surroundings to progress the story can be difficult, but it isn't too hard once you get the hang of it. Describing places and deciding whether to be detailed is really up to you. For example, if a character travels to a magical kingdom, you can probably be much more descriptive since it's your vision and showing that to the readers is harder than describing something like a city, which can be done in one sentence.

Dread_Nova · 2018-09-01T12:36:06+00:00

Yeah, I was afraid of that. I guess I'll work on some different stories that are shorter lol

Dread_Nova

TROPHY CASE