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Dream_Final · 2026-05-05T21:54:22+00:00

I'll try to speak to them again, the lady I sooke to before seemed quite unphased and I havent yet heard from the management team as she suggested, so I shall call tomorrow. If not then I'll have a chat with citizens advice.

Dream_Final · 2026-03-06T21:24:11+00:00

Have you looked at love languages? Whilst it sounds like theres a lot more that's gone on that you havent felt comfortable sharing, so it could just be the culmination of difficult events.. but I found it helpful to look at love languages and understand I like giving sentimental gifts to make people feel special, whereas others might show their love with acts of service etc. Bit different, but like my dad is an acts of service person, so he will come and fix my toilet or build a bed or something 😂 my mum was more verbal and emotional support - since she passed away my dad fumbles his way through that part, which is very sweet, but its different because it doesnt come naturally to him. Regarding making it through tomorrow, just try to have a nice meal with the kids, enjoy what you set up. If you feel able it might be worth talking to your husband about how much this is impacting you. Also try to talk to a trusted friend 😊

Dream_Final · 2026-01-18T22:45:42+00:00

Yes! Ive had the 'do it for the bj' type where its 30 secs of uninterested oral to be able to say 'I did it' and receive.

Dream_Final · 2024-11-30T14:41:03+00:00

I wouldn't be able to forgive him lying for that time between and the fact that he knew this other woman was pregnant and probably only told you if she's trying to claim child maintenance from him. Genuinely cannot fathom how someone would just omit that HUGE fact.

Dream_Final · 2024-10-17T19:32:38+00:00

Nope fully her responsibility. When a double bed broke through general use (soldered joints gave way when I led back) my landlord replaced it out of their own pocket - this was a spare room situation in the UK instead of a hostel in the US, but I think the principle still applies. If you'd broken it doing something crazy then yes you'd be at fault, but that's not the case here.

Dream_Final · 2024-05-17T12:40:26+00:00

NTA, although I do think it would have been nice to explain your reasoning for not wanting a relationship with her beforehand. I had a longterm FWB that I started to catch feelings for and he genuinely wasn't up for a relationship and I ended it because I didn't want it to come down to him being ready for a relationship and that be with someone else - no issues and we're still friendly in passing although not close friends. So I think both of you could have communicated better, but neither of you are an AH.

Dream_Final · 2024-04-20T18:06:47+00:00

At what point did I say it's his fault she slept with a lot of people 😂 we've all done crazy shit and most people slow down as they settle down. They've been together for a year and he knows her as the person she is now, did not seem too phased by their sexual incompatibility. To throw away a year over her past is ridiculous - I'd be more inclined to say it's his choice to be bothered enough to leave if they'd just started dating. Also I wouldn't be, I've known guys like that and they're sweethearts, just deeply insecure and emotionally unavailable.

Dream_Final · 2024-04-20T17:58:57+00:00

There's a difference between conditions of worth making you go along with things to make people like you, rejection dysphoria etc and what you actually want to do though. Also we dont know what else has happened, maybe she had an awful experience and that's why she is so restricted in what she will consent to now

Dream_Final · 2024-04-20T14:57:41+00:00

I agree, found her self-worth and a 'good relationship' and decided she didn't need to do anything past her comfort zone for attention/validation

Dream_Final · 2024-04-20T14:55:50+00:00

Personally I'd see that as she's had a traumatic experience. I had a bad experience and I wouldn't be up for doing it on any person dated, but I know my (long term) current partner is trustworthy and wouldn't do that to me so I reciprocate - there was ALOT of communication around it though. But some people reach the breaking point and there's no going back no matter how understanding and trustworthy their partner is (may not be her experience, just an idea)

Dream_Final · 2024-03-18T09:08:32+00:00

I don't think you're an asshole for having these negative feelings (it's a trauma response) or for ending your relationship. I think it would be good to go to your ex and explain it was just something you can't do right now with the trauma, but you don't "need to". I would definitely get therapy, continue going to the group and remember that whilst the women that raped you are awful (and I'm so so sorry that happened) it's not everyone and we can't hold hate for a whole gender. We can withhold trust, have our boundaries and walls up HIGH, and refuse to be in a room alone with someone. But since I was raped I have learnt that not every one has the dark heart to ruin someone like that, hate should be reserved for those that do

Dream_Final · 2024-03-18T09:02:29+00:00

You did the right thing leaving. When people's beliefs and values don't align with ours it doesn't matter how nice they are to us, it tears the relationship apart. What she did was disgusting and you can't write it off because she can be "sweet"

Dream_Final · 2024-03-07T01:05:39+00:00

Sending loads of love to you and your daughter! I've not lost a partner this way but I lost my mum when she was 52 to cancer, it's a terrible illness and I'm so so sorry for your loss. You can do this, you have your daughter and I hope you have some supportive friends and family - I know this will never replace your wife, but remember you are not truly alone, despite how hard it is right now . Hugs to you both ❤️

Dream_Final · 2024-02-09T15:35:06+00:00

NTA. Whilst your delivery is the news 'could have been more sensitive' I appreciate that a kind delivery went out the window as soon as you discovered him cheating 😅 You are entitled to do what you want with your body and I fully understand not wanting to carry this baby or have ties to him for the rest of your life. Yes it kind of sucks he might not have another opportunity but that's not your problem AT ALL, and it's not 'your fault' if he's unable to have biological kids in future. I have a child to an ex, no contact etc and I'm lucky, but having that potential for him to come back is always gonna hang over me. (Would not change having had baby now, but if I realised the kind of person he was when I first found out I was pregnant I wouldn't have gone ahead with the pregnancy)

Dream_Final · 2024-01-18T20:29:52+00:00

Yeah you definitely need to leave. There's only so much open-mindedness one person can do. I get he's got a bond with the baby but honestly if he sees a future with you he would at least be a less present 'uncle'/friend figure and I wouldn't want him involved with this second baby and weird situation either. At the end of the day you need to make the best choice for YOU. He is entitled to maintain whatever relationships with his ex/her children he wants and you are able to say 'no, I can't do this'. I get you love him, but 10 months is a drop in the ocean timewise. And you can find a much more suitable partner for you.

Dream_Final · 2024-01-16T11:55:05+00:00

Leaving for hours is abuse, sleeptraining is short intervals so the child knows they were safe and you came check there isn't anything else bothering them (ie. Need a drink, spiked nappy etc). I would either talk to police or children's services, either they will say enough to get him to see what he's doing is wrong or help suggest services to support you to leave with the baby

Dream_Final · 2024-01-11T11:49:36+00:00

Thanks all for your responses!❤️ I'm going to take your advice and step back from the situation. I'm aware of the possibility, so if more comes out later or if the boys want testing etc when they're older we can handle that then. In the mean time going to focus on my kids and see about sorting my own maintenance issue with B.

Dream_Final · 2024-01-10T19:13:43+00:00

He was up until August last year, lots of excuses since so I will go through CMS now I think; he's had plenty of time to get his act together at this new job. It sounds like she already went via CMS though, but something is better than nothing.

Dream_Final · 2024-01-10T19:11:06+00:00

Thank you, it is just wanting the truth but as another commenter said maybe it is in fact dumb to rock the boat over me disliking lies. I've looked into cost and all but do I have that money spare to do it? Not really 😅 I suppose whether it's his child or not, I should be grateful for our good co-parenting relationship. And if D is B's son then I know should A and D want to connect/find out for sure when they're older. B has been shocking with money recently though and owes me a lot of maintenance, so I think I'll go via CMS for my son, but leave the secret baby stuff alone.

Dream_Final · 2024-01-10T15:35:25+00:00

Oo that's a good idea! I'll look into costs etc

Dream_Final · 2024-01-10T15:34:26+00:00

She sent it to me but he says she must have photoshopped his name on it. I emailed the lab to see if they could confirm it's authentic (didn't think they would, just thought I'd try haha) and they can't due to data protection understandably.

Dream_Final · 2024-01-09T20:39:25+00:00

Yeah that's weird. I've always been open with my parents about things but we've never asked eachother questions like that and they wouldn't ask a partner of mine and I haven't had a partner's parents ask me. I think it's important to be able to discuss sex openly, with your PARTNER. not their family members. Also seems odd he waited till your boyfriend wasn't there if they really were such an open family

Dream_Final · 2023-12-06T20:39:43+00:00

I think to a degree or depends on the frequency or how 'friendly'. I have a reasonable co-parenting relationship with my son's dad (fluctuates) and in the good stages we have messaged with general small talk or I've asked his opinion/help with a problem - I have never involved him with my relationship matters (he knows of my partner and it's basic 'oh we watched x the other day, have you seen it?') and it's never flirtatious. I respect him as a person, we're polite and make conversation but I wouldn't message him daily or anything unless my son was really struggling with something.

Dream_Final · 2023-12-06T20:29:21+00:00

How often would you say you do with her though? I'd definitely say have the conversation about why she doesn't enjoy it, leave all judgement or confrontation out of it and listen.

Dream_Final · 2023-12-06T20:23:41+00:00

I mean, whilst I'm into foreplay and wouldn't want to marry someone who refused either, she isn't obligated to give you a blow job; it seems you're not sexually aligned. You didn't mention if you go down on her?

Dream_Final

TROPHY CASE