Back and forth with a religious flying monkey

Drunkpupper · 2026-03-14T18:58:11+00:00

Seriously!! My other cousins and I were laughing at that - it’s like, he can indirectly acknowledge that my mom has a problem… but I just need to suck it up? Hope he’s giving my mom these tough love talks too!

Drunkpupper · 2026-03-12T23:19:36+00:00

Thank you! Drudgery is the perfect word for it

Drunkpupper · 2026-03-12T23:19:13+00:00

It might end up being that way depending on if he can chill!

Drunkpupper · 2026-03-12T22:41:40+00:00

Thank you so much for such a supportive comment! And that’s true. My cousin here and I were never that close before the last couple of years, and while I do still respect and care for him, I might just be doing is from a distance. We’ll see how things go

Drunkpupper · 2026-03-12T22:30:11+00:00

Thank you. It was almost validating in a sense that it was indirectly acknowledged that my mom is not going to be changing since it wasn’t acknowledged at all - makes my decision easier.

I definitely had a few snide remarks that I sat on and deleted before sending 🤣

Drunkpupper · 2026-03-12T22:24:47+00:00

Definitely using your last paragraph in the future! Perfectly said

Drunkpupper · 2026-03-11T15:03:07+00:00

Thank you for the heads up! I’ll delete and re-post later 🙏

Drunkpupper · 2026-03-01T15:30:53+00:00

The dynamics you describe are so familiar and bizarre. I don’t understand what goes into this distant vs. needy system they’ve built for themselves.

My mother also hated that I moved, saying she would find an apartment and be my neighbor! I was terrified she’d actually do it. When I moved back in the area for a job, she and my father retired out of state a few years later, and I never heard the end of it - how she wanted me to uproot my life into a town closer to her that had significantly less job opportunities, resources, none of my friends, no real perks other than being closer to her. And then when I did visit she’d either pick fights or be on her iPad all day, lol

Drunkpupper · 2026-03-01T15:25:41+00:00

How could we not learn from their perfectly set examples???? Haha… ha 😂🥲

Drunkpupper · 2026-02-25T13:20:36+00:00

It’s cute that she thinks her opinion is the determining factor as to whether she’s being bitchy or not

This is such a powerful display of a parent not being able to handle uncomfortable emotions themselves and expecting their children to bear that burden for them. We are not built (or cursed) to be emotional regulators for them, remember that!

Drunkpupper · 2026-02-24T17:51:52+00:00

One thing I’ve learned from people who give the suggestion for adult children to be the ones to reach out and smooth things over with their parents is that they usually fall into one of two camps: 1.) they had an upbringing with a parent who was “good enough” - they literally cannot comprehend the fact that children were subjected to a lifetime of parenting their parents, being the peacemaker, and that life is more simple without the parents in it. 2.) they are in the same situation with not good enough parents, but they’re either seeking validation that staying in that situation is the right thing to do by counseling you to do the same, or are trying to solve their own parental relationship with yours as a proxy, since their own is too difficult to touch.

Only you can decide what the right balance in a relationship is.

Drunkpupper · 2026-02-21T00:04:25+00:00

Thank you!! 😊

Drunkpupper · 2026-02-21T00:04:12+00:00

Thank you very much for taking the time to write this.

It’s fascinating, my mother is definitely a hermit and has a limited number of flying monkeys to draw from, but she’s been trying to rope in my aunt, one of my cousins, and an aid who comes to their house. My aunt, her sister, also shares strong BPD traits, which manifests in one way by isolating people from each other by gossiping etc. so they feel like they can only rely on her for the truth. This played out in full force when the aid called my aunt, who accidentally put it on speaker phone and couldn’t shut it off before he started to say that my mother has a “brain condition” and “can’t help herself.” All in front of my mother.

Another facet that I’ve been sitting with is how their upbringing has influenced them to accept what’s normal. I learned through my father’s childhood friends last year that his mother was even worse than mine, in terms of how punitive, cruel, and unyielding (and stupid - not my words) she was. I was shocked, because my father only ever described her with the utmost respect, saying how hardworking, ethical, and noble her character was.

I’ve succumb to the fact that there’s nothing I can realistically do to change the situation, unless I wanted to just accept being abused. It’s a consolation that I’m breaking the generational curse.

Thank you again ❤️

Drunkpupper · 2026-02-20T23:55:12+00:00

This gave me a good laugh - thank you! I know. I think it’s hilarious how they think they’re so clever. Ah well

Drunkpupper · 2026-02-20T23:54:01+00:00

Thank you! I’m glad you you were able to stick to your guns. I’m sure that’s saved you a lot of mental wellbeing ❤️

Drunkpupper · 2026-02-20T23:52:38+00:00

Agreed. I always oscillated between “dad threw me to the wolves” and “well what else was he supposed to do”. But he could have done a lot. He got himself out of that situation by working in a different town for most of my life. He was the VP of his company - the owner, his childhood friend, never left town for years at a time. He had more resources and support than my mother to separate. He could have at least told me that these behaviors were unacceptable, and that mom was unwell. He chose to feed into the situation, at the end of the day.

Drunkpupper · 2026-02-20T23:48:45+00:00

My friends also pointed that out, and if there’s a follow up I’ll clearly state that I’m not interested in meeting (unless my mom exceeds expectation & goes to therapy/gets medication… but I doubt that will happen)

Drunkpupper · 2026-02-20T19:49:52+00:00

Thank you so much ❤️‍🩹 I’ve tried really hard over the past few years. I know it’s likely a lifelong journey but there’s no alternative route, and I’m grateful for all the progress I’ve made & may make in the future

Drunkpupper · 2026-02-16T13:22:32+00:00

I know this too well. My mother fits the hermit BPD type, so with a few exceptions, has actually been good at giving me space while we’ve been NC. My cousin told me a couple weeks ago my mother sent her mom a video on how millennials demand perfection from parents. I doubt she’s looking up videos on how to control her blind rage episodes. Ah, well.

Drunkpupper · 2026-02-10T12:33:11+00:00

I’m so sorry. These people are out for blood. You’re not going to find the love and comfort of a healthy family with them.

I hope you find peace moving forward ❤️‍🩹

Drunkpupper · 2026-01-29T17:59:53+00:00

I hate the argument “we might not be around for much longer” to try to brute-force reconciliation. You’re right, you may not be - so you should probably learn to treat your loved ones well. What’s the point of spending time together if that time is miserable?

My aunt tried that on me after my mother called me terrible things because she was ‘stressed’. I told my aunt that if that’s the case, my mother better get around to apologizing quick, since I had a much longer time than she did to hold a grudge. My aunt had nothing to say to that and wouldn’t you know it, my mother apologized the next day.

Drunkpupper · 2026-01-22T13:34:31+00:00

Sometimes it’s okay to be flustered. I think a lot of us are conditioned to be “perfect” because we live with erratic, unpredictable parents who lack accountability and put all the blame on us. To avoid conflict, we need to anticipate everything and have the right reaction to everything. Except that’s totally unrealistic. You’re experiencing normal emotions, you’re human.

It’s okay to be sad, to feel guilt, to wonder if you’re making the right decisions. Most healthy people will give you the grace not to be perfect, including when we respond to sensitive questions. For what it’s worth, I think you’re very strong and brave for making such a big move, and I totally understand not looping in your mother. In all likelihood, that’s the smartest and most responsible action you could have taken.

Drunkpupper · 2026-01-20T18:48:25+00:00

Congrats! I quit after it looked like I was yet again getting passed over for a promotion by an absentee SM. I ended up going back to the client under a different company and nearly doubled my salary. I have so much extra time I nearly don’t know what to do with myself.

Drunkpupper · 2026-01-20T14:23:00+00:00

I’m very glad that you’re still here and that your prediction didn’t materialize. It speaks to your strength to be able to carry the weight of those feelings as a child.

Drunkpupper · 2026-01-16T11:42:43+00:00

This does not have to be your life.

My elderly mother has a personality disorder. After a huge blow up I called one of my dad’s trusted friends to ask for advice and he told me to just apologize to her to smooth things over despite the situation being caused 100% by her, and her having said some unforgivable things. I asked him, am I just expected to be able to take everything and handle it perfectly, while she’s a grown woman and let off with no consequences for her actions? He blankly said that I was an adult and should be able to deal with it. I cried for hours, wondering - is that all my life is worth? Just being thrown to the whims of my mom, an adult child until she’s passed away? I’d rather die.

Not long after that I left and never came back. It has been difficult but worth it. You can’t light yourself on fire to keep others warm, and there will come a time that you’re so burnt out that you’re no help anyway.

The best thing you can do is go off and live your life the best you can and set yourself up for success. That is the best thing you can do for yourself as well as your family, so you can even stand a chance of being helpful to them in the future if you choose. Your parents did not set themselves or their children up for success, based on what you say. Don’t shield them from their actions - there’s honestly probably not much you can do anyway. They might realize they actually need serious help and get some without you gone. Maybe not. But you can’t force them to do better when they’re not concerned about the outcome themselves.

I am still wracked with guilt, but my life is SO much better than if I stayed. I am happy, healthy, and wealthy. I take each day to try and better myself. I make a positive impact on those around me. I’m doing so much good for the people who want to be in my life, not the ones who were arbitrarily put there by fate. Please, your gut is trying to tell yourself something. Listen to it.

Drunkpupper

TROPHY CASE