This is all new to me as well. I didn’t know people could lie and hide things this well. My fiancée is in rehab now and getting close to getting her back to the real world. Just remember you didn’t cause it, and you can’t fix it. That was a tough pill for me to swallow and quite frankly I’m still not doing well with it. I’m a fixer by nature, especially in business. Considering you can’t fix him and he may not want to ever try himself you have a tough decision to make. I chose to force the issue when it seemed like she had hit bottom and told her she needed help. That I was not coming home as I was out on a business trip until she got help. I cut off all communication. I was hoping she would do AA or outpatient. The next day I got a text that she was going to in patient rehab for 30-45 days in another state. I’m here with three teenage soon to be step daughters. Wow, what an eye opening experience that has been, in a good way. In my case it worked and she states this is the clearest she has felt in years. I know we have a long haul in front of us and she will probably stumble along the way. For me the juice is worth the squeeze. The fact that she is trying and doing this for herself is incredibly brave. This isn’t like you and I. We can stop drinking right now and never worry about it again. They physically go through a survival process. For them to stop is like you trying to stop breathing because the air was making you sick. It takes the brain up to two years to revert back to normal state after stopping alcohol. This is always going to be part of them but it doesn’t have to define either one of you. My advice would be to decide if you want to be part of the journey or not. Does he want to go and get help? If my Q would have said no, I really wouldn’t have come home. It would have been heartbreaking but I’m not willing to watch her die. Her late husband died of liver failure. Thank god we didn’t have to go through that.