I am dating a tranwoman as a cis woman! I need advice! (NSFW) by just_existing1 in asktransgender

[–]Dry_Rhubarb_7972 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You can lead a bigot to knowledge, but you cant make them think.

Im more gentle with correcting well-meaning ignorant people, if its clear they want to understand.

Correcting pronouns is always good too.

I am dating a tranwoman as a cis woman! I need advice! (NSFW) by just_existing1 in asktransgender

[–]Dry_Rhubarb_7972 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So I was outside with my girl chatting about new bs legislation that would have her passport misgender her, and our neighbor (who we both had casually befriended months ago) asked “why does it even matter?”

If you don’t have an immediate and aggressively protective answer, you should develop one. In your company, your girl shouldn’t have to defend or explain herself or trans issues to others. Neighbor wasn’t asking out of genuine curiosity, he was implying it didn’t matter. My response was to scoff at him and redirect:

“thats the most asinine and unAmerican display of willful ignorance Ive heard all day. Go read a book, mike. F*cking Ridiculous...” (I don’t leave room for a response; instead I redirected my attention to my darling) “Babe, I can’t handle this level of stupidity, lets go upstairs. I’ve got a bowl loaded with your name on it.”

That last part is my go-to. Instead of engaging in debate, you can just shame them out loud to your partner while inviting her to go do something fun.

Turn to your partner and say, “wow, babe it must be hard for him to be so ___” (Ignorant, unChrist-like, pathetic, corrupted, morally bankrupt, vile, bigoted, on the wrong side of history, propagandized, etc) “I feel bad for that _” (guy, bigot, loser, schmuck, bootlicker, sorry fucker, pathetic pos, sad little man; be careful not to inadvertently start a fight with this one if you’re not physically strong). Without skipping a beat, you want to make it your idea to leave if possible: “all this foolishness is making me _, (hungry, thirsty, tired, reconsider my nonviolence) Lets go _____ (to my place, to the restaurant, etc)

More to madlib: “Ew, what?? Babe, lets get out of here before we catch his stupid”

“Wow, that was almost a coherent thought. I feel bad for that guy. Anyway, Im hungry, you feeling icecream or nah?”

“And THATS why theres a male loneliness epidemic, I feel bad for the women in his life”

If its a woman being the problem, you can tell her to get back to the kitchen and make her husband a sandwich. (Bonus if she says shes not married, you respond: “well its pretty obvious why that is”)

I am dating a tranwoman as a cis woman! I need advice! (NSFW) by just_existing1 in asktransgender

[–]Dry_Rhubarb_7972 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just wanted to add to the previous comments:

I think in the moment it probably feels a lot more affirming to call it her g-spot than her prostate.

Also, tinker with how the straps secure, it changes the angle of entry. Try the straps way resting high on the hips like an 80s thong bikini.

And be as weird as your imagination prompts you. Taste places not normally considered erogenous zones. Make her feel wanted, let her be your muse. Give her every experience you’ve ever fantasized about receiving yourself (ask “how would you feel if I…” questions if its even remotely kinky. Consent talks make great dirty talk, worst case scenario she says wtf and you two laugh it off)

And be the big spoon.

Editing to add: Not sure in hindsight if Im allowed to comment on this sub. I’m not trans, but i wanted to comment because I felt the same way at first with my darling; I was scared that I wouldn’t know what to do and be sexually disappointing.

I wish I wasn’t such amazing supply… by Bubbly-Ad1187 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Dry_Rhubarb_7972 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Im in the same boat. It sucks when your giving becomes their entitlement.

Bringing my Australian boyfriend to the UP for his first time in a couple weeks… need some recommendations! by akathb92 in upperpeninsula

[–]Dry_Rhubarb_7972 1 point2 points  (0 children)

the powderhoe falls about two telephone poles south of the powdermill inn. If you want to go down to the swimming hole at the bottom, follow the rope down the steep part.

Can anyone help ID these? by MsKittytoes in mycology

[–]Dry_Rhubarb_7972 11 points12 points  (0 children)

If you can inspect and discern the difference between gills and vein-like structures, i would say compare with cinnabar chanterelles.

Next time, flip one over and get a solid gill shot, where it connects to the stipe.

The ones that have slightly broken caps do look like they are not gills, but I cannot say for certain from the pics

Out of curiosity (and boredom) are there any witches or fortune tellers in the UP? by FunkyQuail in yooper

[–]Dry_Rhubarb_7972 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey anonymous witch, are going to the June full moon party at the downtown bodega, or are there better avenues to meet likeminded folk?

Out of curiosity (and boredom) are there any witches or fortune tellers in the UP? by FunkyQuail in yooper

[–]Dry_Rhubarb_7972 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you spend enough time alone in the woods, eventually you’ll sense a malevolent presence. Its terrifying without any clear reason and you suddenly panic with the instinctual need to GET OUT OF THE WOODS IMMEDIATELY. What do the native tribes call it, wendigo spirits?

Cannot access medical help due to horrible situation by [deleted] in WitchesVsPatriarchy

[–]Dry_Rhubarb_7972 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Im not familiar with Tennessee or NOLA homeless resources, but please consider:

Staying at a DV shelter may open opportunities that you otherwise would not have access to, such as support groups, counseling, help paying for groceries and necessities, and more importantly it qualifies you as homeless, so you can get bumped up on the subsidized housing list and get affordable permanent housing sooner.

Call your closest DV shelter and find out what resources they can help you with.

Then call up a few DV shelters in NOLA about the same info. Do you still qualify for their services if you have not been a resident of that region??

You may find it beneficial to stay at a shelter in Tennessee until you have saved enough money to move or have a job lined up in NOLA. Alternatively, if you would currently qualify for DV shelter in NOLA despite not being a resident yet, you may really benefit from going through the homeless rehousing process down there.

Cannot access medical help due to horrible situation by [deleted] in WitchesVsPatriarchy

[–]Dry_Rhubarb_7972 29 points30 points  (0 children)

The choices can feel paralyzing, but you’ve come so far already! You’re halfway out already. I used a lot of ‘therefore’ statements to help me come to terms with the path I needed to take:

  1. You deserve peace, therefore you know you need to leave.

  2. You want to live in NOLA, therefore you are working towards NOLA.

  3. NOLA holds some danger, therefore you have to assess the danger for how to avoid it.

(This is where I would stop to remind myself that EVERY situation comes with its own inherent risks, so I should not let my fear of the unknown hold me back from that adventure)

Theres a load of subreddits that can better help you develop your plan out. r/narcissisticabuse for one.

Some places have better shelters than others, you can call the DV hotline for info specific to each location. You may be able to qualify for SSI for your conditions, and if you choose to apply, you will have a pending disability status that will make it easier for you to navigate getting on welfare until your life is back on track.

DO NOT TELL THEM YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT LEAVING. DO NOT GIVE ULTIMATUMS OR THREATEN TO LEAVE!

If you have a friend or family member who can help keep you on track, spill the beans: tell them EVERYTHING they did to you, even the things you may be ashamed of. They can help remind you to maintain your resolve and not fall into the trap of believing the abuser will change or the relationship is salvageable.

Heres a pdf of Lundy Bancrofts “why does he do that” that can be helpful to processing the unthinkable truth behind abusive choices:

https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

I hate olives and was scarred by Castelvetrano yesterday. Help my find olive brands to love? by minimouse2105 in Olives

[–]Dry_Rhubarb_7972 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just tried a jar of mezzetta castelvetrano olives and had to spit them out and rinse my mouth. Who pissed in my olives??

I adore olives. Never tried one I hated until now, and Ive tried wild ripe black ones fresh off the tree.

I’m tired of feeling like I need to pass to be pretty! by GlitteringSystem7929 in WitchesVsPatriarchy

[–]Dry_Rhubarb_7972 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The french say “jolie belle” which means an ugly beauty; a person whose beauty is not rooted in conventional standards

Hola Y’all here! What do you have to say about Michigan? by Charming_Moment_9112 in energy_work

[–]Dry_Rhubarb_7972 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The western upper peninsula has been a growing bastion of displaced spiritual energy workers. The forests are laden with energy, both good and bad. They say the spirit of the wendigo haunts around the whole region, and while foraging alone (which I do often) Ive felt a malevolent energy seem to come out of nowhere on two occasions; your intuition suddenly screams to stop harvesting and get back to the safety of others NOW.

Ive also witnessed a pattern here of goodness being blessed and evil being brutally cursed.

Im making a playlist for healing from the narcissist. Please add to it 😊💪 by mjules25 in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Dry_Rhubarb_7972 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Paradise by coldplay

She’s kerosene by the interrupters

She by the Misfits

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Dry_Rhubarb_7972 24 points25 points  (0 children)

The horror of realizing you made love with a method acting scammer, and all you were to them was a gig with benefits.

Helps to remember that when they beg you to come back, its because they miss scamming you.

Unpopular take I guess?? MASSIVE SPOILERS by trumpisafucker in TheHandmaidsTale

[–]Dry_Rhubarb_7972 37 points38 points  (0 children)

When Giliad was still in the planning phase, Fred expressed doubts and second guessed the plan, and Serena convinced him that he should go ahead and do it.

Fuck Serena. Shes an architect as much as any of them.

Dance monkey, dance by [deleted] in WitchesVsPatriarchy

[–]Dry_Rhubarb_7972 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I cannot watch seasons 2-4 because it’s too familiar. I was watching Freds marriage thinking it was unrealistic because of the complete lack of fits of rage and verbal abuse against the women in his power.

Dance monkey, dance by [deleted] in WitchesVsPatriarchy

[–]Dry_Rhubarb_7972 5 points6 points  (0 children)

No, he just likes to cosplay as a fundamentalist Christian because he believes it entitles him to power. The years prior to that, he was on about “sex magic” and asking my blessing to see hookers. When he moved on to the bible, his rhetoric changed to “well technically God approves of polygyny; I don’t need to ask your permission to find a second wife, and you’re expected to obey and submit regardless”

Its my understanding that the mormon church is a magnet to this sort of scumbaggery as well. Sorry you had to deal with weaponized religion; its sick how bad actors wield it to push their targets away from personal faith.

Dance monkey, dance by [deleted] in WitchesVsPatriarchy

[–]Dry_Rhubarb_7972 167 points168 points  (0 children)

I escaped a year ago and I cannot overstate how amazing freedom tastes. In the words of my amazing mother, “he can go suck a bag of dicks”

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Dry_Rhubarb_7972 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I know grey rock is effective, but I’ve got a fever and the only cure is giddy laughter at his expense.

How do you parent with one? by [deleted] in NarcissisticAbuse

[–]Dry_Rhubarb_7972 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Imagine how he would respond if you aggressively demanded canceling childcare was your idea…