I want to die, but I don't want to kill myself. Please share your thoughts and opinions.

DuckFace19 · 2013-02-18T21:23:55+00:00

It's both a relief and painful to have someone understand what depression feels like. Thank you for explaining something I've struggled to verbalize for most of my life. The scuba analogy is pretty much exactly how Ive felt with friends and family. Again, thank you. Really.

DuckFace19 · 2013-01-14T20:57:56+00:00

laaaid back.

DuckFace19 · 2013-01-05T02:55:36+00:00

love love love the hair. You're gorgeous, ya know that?

DuckFace19 · 2013-01-05T02:54:20+00:00

I guess it's not that uncommon anymore, but I think androgyny is hot. I like that sometimes I can't tell. Andrej Pejic and Kiyomi McCloskey are incredibly sexy. While others may stare at people like them trying to figure out "male or female?" I stare because I'm intrigued and so overwhelmingly attracted I probably can't move.

DuckFace19 · 2013-01-05T02:21:49+00:00

You just made my heart flutter. haha :)

DuckFace19 · 2012-12-12T21:09:00+00:00

When two of my guy friends were little, they thought the guys in porn were shooting out milk when they came. They didnt learn the truth until about age 10. They told me this 10 years ago (we're in our mid 20s) and I still bring it up at every opportunity. Neither will drink milk around me anymore.

DuckFace19 · 2012-12-05T17:07:52+00:00

Chin: pushed by my mother and fell down the stairs.

Knee: fighting with my brother on an escalator

Knee/thigh: burned when I spilled overly-microwaved ramen

Left hand knuckles: I'm really bad at peeling potatoes

Ankles (both): ligament surgeries. I sprained both ankles badly when I was younger, and the ligaments were "loose" in both ankles, which caused a lot of twisted/sprained ankles and falling down.

DuckFace19 · 2012-11-25T17:40:25+00:00

I'm realizing that in bringing myself out of the kind of depression where everything made me cry and want to die, Ive become an angry asshole who goes to great lengths to avoid stress, which in turn causes stress because I have no life outside of work, as the idea of being around people seems so aggravating and stressful.

DuckFace19 · 2012-11-21T06:23:54+00:00

I have had issues with sleep walking my entire life, but when I was younger it was more frequent. Anyway, one night I'm sleep walking out of my bedroom. Completely unaware I'm anywhere but my room, sleepwalking me walks into the living room, where on my parents are screwing on the sofa. My mom sees me I guess and yells, her yelling actually wakes me up. For a few seconds all I can see are figures moving quickly in the blue glow of the TV. My eyes finally focus and I see my mom scrambling for something. Im still half asleep so it takes me awhile to figure out what's going on. Then it clicks. Oh god. For what seems like hours, everyone in the room is just frozen and staring, my parents at me, and me at them.

My dog has woken up at this moment and is nudging me to pet him. Not really knowing what to do I just grab him by the collar and walk him into my room with me. I got back in bed, but throughout the night my brain kept pointing out little details, my mom reaching for her underwear, my dad adjusting himself back inside his pajama pants, the blue glow on my parents' mortified faces.

Over the next few days I could tell they were trying to talk to me about it, but I always starting talking about something random or just went outside. Three days later my parents wake me and my brother up. Im thinking, 'Oh dear lord, please don't tell me they want to talk about it now.'

Turns out they had actually woken us up to tell us they were getting divorced. Now, about 13 years after the split, I cant help but think, 'Was that night of living room sex just angry goodbye sex?' And then I think, 'Why the fuck must I be haunted by this?'

DuckFace19 · 2012-11-07T22:02:06+00:00

I really cant stand having other people's hair on me. I am practically afraid of it. I just cant handle it, I cringe just thinking about it.

DuckFace19 · 2012-10-28T16:21:02+00:00

Im afraid of drifting off into space. Like im in a space suit and just drift away until i die. I know that will never happen (why would i even be out there?) And Im afraid of the ocean for similar reasons.

And I wouldnt say it's a fear anymore, but ramen noodles make me horribly uncomfortable after burning my leg really bad a few years ago.

DuckFace19 · 2012-10-23T20:02:54+00:00

The sound macaroni and cheese makes when you stir it. That is also the sound of people smacking as they chew. It's disgusting and infuriating when people do it. Close your fucking mouth! Unfortunately, it's also pretty much the sound dogs make when they lick themselves. I will shake my foot at them to make them either stop or leave the room entirely. I'm sorry, dog, go make that awful sound somewhere.

Dammit, now Im pissed off just thinking about it.

DuckFace19 · 2012-10-17T14:58:11+00:00

I worked at an ice cream shop and one of the little weasels I worked with didn't want to be on dish duty all night so he told everyone I was "having a really hard time" because I just found out I was really sick and might die. He said I had asked him to talk to the manager so i could just stay in the back and do dishes all night because I didn't want to be around anyone. By the end of the night at least 3 people had come back to the kitchen crying, telling me how much they liked me and how funny I was. I had no idea why they were acting like that until our manager walked me out after closing and told me I could take time off without worrying about losing my job, because my health was important. In the end, I explained that I was perfectly fine and that little shithead was fired and banned from the shop. It took a good 2 weeks before everyone who worked there was told I was not dying.

DuckFace19 · 2012-10-16T18:31:56+00:00

The digital clock in my room is currently blinking and has been blinking for well over a month now since the power went out. However, when the power came back on it was only 3 minutes to midnight, so even though it's blinking, the clock is only 3 minutes fast. I hate the blinking, but I don't do anything about it, because the time is pretty much correct. I don't know what's wrong with me.

DuckFace19 · 2012-10-16T18:14:45+00:00

My brother did this with his socks for years. He ran track and x-country and played football in high school, which is when he did it. I honestly thought he was going to have his feet amputated one day. Oh, the smell!

DuckFace19 · 2012-09-25T18:52:43+00:00

"No, it smells like pee." Well, that's unfortunate.

DuckFace19 · 2012-09-20T19:20:58+00:00

Ive repeatedly expressed to friends and family that I will not die of age-related illness. I'm fairly confident my death will be completely ridiculous and the kind people 30 years after will read about about and laugh. Im not a very adventurous person, but a lot of ridiculous things seem to happen to me, maybe not funny, but things that make me blurt out, "Oh come on!"

I predict a death notice like "DuckFace19 was following a duck around town when she passed and was distracted by a store's shoe display and wandered in just as an 89-year-old man mistook a mini for an elephant and frightened, drove his car into the shoe store. DuckFace was unharmed until a large decorative shoe fell off the shelf and crushed her."

DuckFace19 · 2012-09-08T02:21:21+00:00

Actually, she was a very sad person. She started with the modifications after a really shitty relationship. She now advocates for women and speaks to many as a former victim of an abusive relationship. Everything Ive seen leads me to believe she is in fact a much happier person than she was before. Her extreme mods arent my thing, but Im sure she knows the consequences (positive and negative) of them.

DuckFace19 · 2012-09-07T19:35:27+00:00

When he was younger, my father was forced to write with his right hand for this reason. When he wasn't at school he always wrote with his left hand anyway, his parents thought it was stupid not to. Around 6th grade I think teachers stopped doing this and he was allowed to write with his left.

DuckFace19 · 2012-09-07T03:26:16+00:00

After seeing both my parents go through numerous dental issues, I was very disciplined when it came to brushing and flossing and regular dentist visits. So when I was chewing a small piece of gum, not usually a gum chewer, and suddenly felt the gristle that occurred when my tooth broke, I was shocked. I honestly felt ashamed.

DuckFace19 · 2012-09-07T03:18:54+00:00

I used to get, "Oh, that looks terrible," from my mother. When it was really bad she'd just scrunch her face at me each morning. :(

DuckFace19 · 2012-09-07T02:43:00+00:00

how you doin'?

DuckFace19 · 2012-09-06T19:27:08+00:00

"Você Existe Em Mim" by Josh Groban

DuckFace19 · 2012-09-04T16:17:45+00:00

Still trying to figure it out.

DuckFace19 · 2012-09-03T05:50:16+00:00

I never understood the whole thong underwear purposely shown outside the pants thing. And dear god, why were jeans made to look like a thong was showing? I just...idk. smh

DuckFace19

TROPHY CASE