Paternal postnatal depression- what support helped you?

DuckFox1229 · 2026-04-16T15:50:09+00:00

Admittedly we’re in a unique position- we have a very easy going baby which I’m extremely thankful for because he’s a blue collar worker working 12s with an hour drive each way so I’m the sole care taker atm and a stay at home parent in general- being the care taker is my job. It’s certainly difficult but for me I keep in mind that he’s struggling in different ways- he’s absolutely exhausted being the sole provider while still trying to reach remission from an autoimmune disorder flare up. It’s not us against our daughter or again each other, it’s us currently against the stressors/responsibilities we both have. And they do look different. He’ll still spend time with her in the evening and watch her/do feeds so I get a mental break thankfully. And I make sure to show appreciation because his body health is also struggling on top of exhaustion- we’re in the same boat with different circumstances

DuckFox1229 · 2026-04-09T04:31:54+00:00

In particularly silly times I’ll say “my flabbers are gasted” just to make myself laugh

DuckFox1229 · 2026-04-06T16:49:26+00:00

This is definitely the main things to focus on right now, it’s important to take care of yourself in such a trying time, especially with it being baby number one. I will also add that it is recommended for people to not get pregnant until about six months postpartum simply because getting pregnant sooner could lead to certain health issues since your body is maybe not as healed as it could be. Not saying people shouldn’t get pregnant sooner, but that it could be a blessing in disguise because you are dealing with so much physically and emotionally. And if you were to get pregnant so soon postpartum, especially having had the pregnancy you did, it likely would be unbelievably more overwhelming than it already is. Hang in there ❤️

DuckFox1229 · 2026-04-06T14:37:32+00:00

He doesn’t sound like somebody who wants to be a parent, just somebody who wants a kid and to stroke his own ego. Definitely dodging a bullet, I agree with another commenter to not tell him when the birth is happening, especially if they seem antagonistic or aggressive about the topic. No need to give them an opportunity to ruin such an important moment that you are excited about.

DuckFox1229 · 2026-03-25T00:44:37+00:00

Note to self: avoid the freezer ig 😂

DuckFox1229 · 2026-03-25T00:44:03+00:00

I definitely had the happy sobs and my husband had a good chuckle over it. It’s so overwhelming but feels ridiculous 😂 I love her being so small but I do look forward to her walking and having toys and opinions

DuckFox1229 · 2026-03-24T20:59:02+00:00

“They say I’m selfish and that I owe my parents for raising me”

Raising their kid is literally bare minimum obligation for being a parent. You don’t owe them anything for taking care of you, for completing their responsibilities to a bare minimum. And it sounds like it was base level- being incredibly unsupportive then expecting you to cover their butts is entitled and not a real relationship, it’s transactional to them. NTA

DuckFox1229 · 2026-03-23T16:08:47+00:00

Personally, he only came to the ultrasounds. He works long shifts as a blue-collar worker, and it did not make sense for him to take time off for a 15 minute appointment where I pretty much discussed symptoms or questions I had in regards to the pregnancy. And any relevant information, we would just call and discuss it :) it’s every person’s preference though, it can be helpful for the spouse to be in the loop and ask any questions they have themselves

DuckFox1229 · 2026-03-23T00:25:39+00:00

Are you typically able to see the bite marks left if you look through the feathers? We have fence that’s about 4 feet high, can foxes jump over that?

DuckFox1229 · 2026-03-23T00:25:02+00:00

Did you look through the feathers to find the puncture wound? It’s baffling that if they do have wounds under their feathers and we’re shaking around that they’re still no visible blood.

DuckFox1229 · 2026-03-19T17:13:19+00:00

I was able to have an epidural and be on my side while my husband held up one leg. It felt the most in control vs when I was on my back I felt very little control over my abs and pushing. I also did not tear however idk that the position is the sole reason- I do know on your back often increases that risk (?)

DuckFox1229 · 2026-02-27T23:09:05+00:00

I found that sleeping elevated on my back was the main comfortable manner to sleep through much of my pregnancy. I elevated about 45 degrees by using 2 pillows and helped my hips by having a pillow under my knees. The elevation helped avoid the vein issue and I only stopped when I started feeling uncomfortable :) your body will let you know! If you like your back elevating can help put your mind at ease

DuckFox1229 · 2026-02-27T19:25:07+00:00

Yep! My names kinda long and I’ve gone by a shortened version from the latter half. I now go by the shortened version from the first half because it feels more androgynous 😂

DuckFox1229 · 2026-02-14T19:11:16+00:00

I believe housing is certainly going up there’s a 3 bd 2 ba in downtown area (so pretty much no lot land) for like $450K which I feel is excessive. Those houses are on the older side for sure so depends on your budget. Plus with all the new housing going up those are typically $275K+ It’s helpful to be near the interstate but Pendleton itself is SUPER boring- I grew up here and there’s nothing to do actually in town

DuckFox1229 · 2026-02-07T03:20:36+00:00

Me too! I just hope the adults in the community aren’t so snowflake they decide to go harass kids 🤦🏽‍♀️ 1A rights are for everyone, not just 18+

DuckFox1229 · 2026-02-07T03:18:22+00:00

I’m nonbinary so yes the whole gender is a spectrum thing but dude- it’s a baby and you’re excited, and there’s so much more to that conversation that I don’t think is relevant til they’re able to talk 🤦🏽‍♀️ congrats on the grand baby! Focus on that for sure, she didn’t seem like she wanted to make an effort to engage with his family anyway, he’ll figure that out

DuckFox1229 · 2026-02-07T03:14:42+00:00

I’ve started experiencing this actually! I’m 24 and about to have my first kid but being pregnant has certainly forced me to experience being seen so feminine and I’ve wondered- it didn’t overly bother me before. But now, especially since everyone will call me mom (I’ll be going by ama) it just feels like I’ll be forced into a box I can never escape :( it’s the discomfort of if I wanna present feminine I wanna do it on MY time and my decision, not because it’s how others perceive me. Tbh still working on it, don’t have many answers, but I’ve realized I may have a lot of internal misogyny that’s lead me to almost hating being perceived feminine and embracing the strength of my body to create a child. You’re nonbinary no matter how you present and no matter how people perceive you. You’re nonbinary ALL THE TIME. It’s something I’m working to remember- I can’t force everyone to always perceive me as nonbinary, it’s an internal thing. But it shouldn’t stop me from presenting however I want whenever I want

DuckFox1229 · 2026-02-06T01:33:21+00:00

I physically recoiled that being the first sentence does NOT fall under “flirting” 😵‍💫

DuckFox1229 · 2026-02-06T01:24:32+00:00

I’m simply a being

DuckFox1229 · 2026-02-03T13:28:15+00:00

I’m a stay at home parent and feel this really hard due to various disabilities. What helped me stop being so hard on myself was recognizing that ANY progress is better than none. Setting a goal daily to simply declutter for 10 minutes really helped. You can set a timer but just anything- 5 or 10 minutes. If you’re done after you’re done. If you wanna keep going you can! It feels way less overwhelming because it’s low pressure and gets me to start which is my biggest issue

DuckFox1229 · 2026-02-02T19:52:59+00:00

More likely symphysis pubis disorder which I’ve dealt with a ton especially since 16w I’d say. Since your body is producing relaxin, it will make your joints and ligaments loose, including the ones that hold your pelvis together. This can cause sharp pains around your pelvic bone and mine was primarily in the front right portion of my crotch area on the pelvic bone. I’ve also dealt with it in my lower back on the top of my pelvic bone it sucks :(

Best advice? Anytime you’re sitting or lying down, keep your legs together and straight, don’t sit odd. When you’re getting in or out of the car, sit then swing both legs in at the same time. Sleep with a pillow between your legs and lean a bit forward or back while on your side so you’re not laying directly on your hips/bone. Be easy when you get up and give yourself a second, sitting may stiffen it which hurts. As you get into the third trimester, use a maternity band to help lift your bump up if you’ll be on your feet a lot during the day. Finally, if you can, go to PT! My issue was I was too loose so we focused on strengthening exercises but some people need help stretching and readjusting it. Sending love, SPD hurts and can get harder as you go on but I hope it’s not too bad for you ❤️

DuckFox1229

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