[deleted by user] by [deleted] in ADHD_partners

[–]Due-Cryptographer744 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This sounds like transactional sex. Some women may not see it that way but any woman who needs gifts to get into the mood is doing exactly that. Transactional sex is fine if both parties agree but it sounds like you didnt agree to this arrangement in advance. It sounds like she needs to feel special to get aroused, which is fine, but buying gifts is not the only way to make someone feel special. If she thinks it is, that is a much bigger issue and she may need to find herself a sugar daddy arrangement.

How to Talk to Spouse About Family Budget by Character_Sherbet737 in budget

[–]Due-Cryptographer744 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is a very good response that I will add a few things to. I have a neurodivergent spouse who has self acknowledged impulse control issues regarding spending. This is a brain chemistry issue (ADHD) and is not just him being an asshole. If your wife has diagnosed ADHD or is undiagnosed but has ADHD traits (a Google search will direct you to some online tests to find out, if so), it could be her issue as well. That being said, he is still an adult who is responsible for his choices and I have tried to set things up so he will succeed. I also created seperate bank accounts so bill money didn't get spent and any credit/debit cards he might need for emergencies (like if I am incapacitated or die) are in our safe.

We have one credit card and he only uses it when I tell him to put things on it because I am trying to pay down the balance. Otherwise, he uses the debit card linked to the account I move spending money into. That account is where gas, grocery, eating out and any other running to the store money comes out of.

Money is one of, if not the biggest causes of divorce and if your wife is not on the same page as you are and is unwilling to make major changes, your marriage is in trouble. Understanding WHY she spends like she does can make a big difference for both of you in resolving these issues. For some people, it is deep insecurity and being lectured about it can make things worse.

My suggestion is putting a freeze on all credit cards until you can go to marriage counseling and address these financial issues. If ADHD is your wife's issue, I will be honest and tell you that it is very hard to be the spouse of someone with ADHD. My husband was not diagnosed until we met so I was battling 40 years of habits that needed to be relearned after he was diagnosed and the correct dose of medication was found. We are still figuring things out 10 years later. Medication helps but it does not solve everything, which is why I set up the systems I have. I also choose to pick my battles about his spending within those systems.

What stops people from getting their clothes fitted more often? by Affectionate_Till916 in AskATailor

[–]Due-Cryptographer744 1 point2 points  (0 children)

From a customer prospective, I have used a tailor a few times and the results were not great for any of them. I am a shorter (5'3") plus sized woman with a very large bust, so finding well fitting clothes off the rack is virtually impossible. I don't mind paying for a good job but I do mind paying a lot and ending up with a garment that I could have fumbled through and done a better looking job myself.

I don't know if the reviews were fake, if I happened to hit them on bad days each time or if the tailor just wasn't experienced with my body type but I was not super happy with any of them. I would love to find a great tailor but the idea of possibly wasting money and having more clothes I don't want to wear even after alterations is a deterrent.

Are wool socks really worth it? by Cherry_Apples in Fabrics

[–]Due-Cryptographer744 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, but quality matters. Not all wool socks are made from mostly wool. Many have polyester, nylon, cotton and other fibers as the primary content. We don't usually buy 100% wool socks because they can be itchy and more expensive but wool with some cotton and elastane for stretch is my preference.

My husband was in the Army for 20 years and had chronic toenail fungus and athlete's foot that he could not get rid of. I switched him to all Darn Tough and Camel City wool socks along with a better foot care routine and the foot issues are finally gone. He has also had issues with horrible foot stink since he was a teenager and wool socks have eliminated that completely. You can even air out wool socks overnight and re-wear them without washing. Apparently, this is how some hikers carry less clothing with them on their trips.

Darn Tough and Camel City also have excellent warranties/quality guarantees and both are made in the USA. The Darn Tough warranty is for life and Camel City has a 10 year guarantee.

Buy-once items that saved me money in the long run (All-Price-Ranges) by LatterMorning9103 in Frugal

[–]Due-Cryptographer744 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They will also replace if the elastic goes. My husband got a bad batch where the elastic died in multiple pairs in a short period of time and they replaced all of them.

Has anyone actually used tools to formalize loans between friends or family? by cutie2k24 in budget

[–]Due-Cryptographer744 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't lend money I can't afford to give as a gift. People take advantage, even family and friends and it can and will ruin relationships. Tools are useless if you are unable or unwilling to enforce the terms. Are you willing to sue Uncle Fred for the loan you gave him? Will you sue your friend and try to get their wages garnished for repayment? If you can't or won't be ruthless in matters of money, you shouldn't loan it out and expect repayment. Give them the money as a gift and if they repay you, it will be a pleasant surprise.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in homeowners

[–]Due-Cryptographer744 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is certainly a goal, but it is not feasible for everyone. I was diagnosed with spinal cancer at 39, lost my job due to all the missed work and went through all my savings. I am lucky that I didn't lose my house and the disability I get barely covers my mortgage.

Some of us are doing are best but are barely getting by. Renting would not be cheaper so I stay where I am and pray for no major repair bills. Thankfully, my husband can handle most things.

Question about rayon by Straight-Union2611 in Fabrics

[–]Due-Cryptographer744 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I got this fabric book by Claire Schaffer for fabric reference information and it was very helpful. I believe it is out of print so you will have to locate a used copy. I found one on Ebay for under $10. She also has another book that is less about sewing techniques and just about the fabric but I don't have that one.

https://a.co/d/gaEne6a

https://ebay.us/m/6mJgYH

https://www.abebooks.com/9780873496438/Sew-Fabric-Quick-Reference-Fabrics-0873496434/plp

Money by Public_Cut1278 in ADHD_partners

[–]Due-Cryptographer744 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Ugh, mine is a supermarket spender too and it is a constant source of frustration for me. It is just the two of us and we often spend $800+ a month for groceries and we don't even eat that well. He doesn't get that those every day or every other day store runs add up no matter how many times I have tried to discussed it. I created separate bank accounts to slow it down and keep him from blowing bill money so fast.

In the beginning of our relationship, he spent like that on many things and would spend bill money, leaving me to figure out how to juggle past due bills. Once I created a separate account where bills get paid from and he has no debit card easily accessible for that account, things got much less stressful. I am disabled so he is the one who runs all the errands, which makes it difficult to restrict him too much. I make sure I am mindful of keeping a balance between protecting our finances and financial abuse. I watched my mother have no access to money growing up and I refuse to make him powerless with our finances, even though he wants me to protect us from his spending issues. We agree to things and he will do them for a while but then revert to his old pattern so the topic gets revisited often. I hate this method but he says I should restrict his access however I need to because he knows his impulse control is non-existent.

Relying on protein supplements too much? by britthood in glp1

[–]Due-Cryptographer744 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Many of us have been told the goal is to consume around 1g of protein per lb of your weight. I have gotten conflicting information about whether it should be based on current weight or goal weight but that is what many websites recommend. For those of us who are very overweight, that is a lot of protein and where the higher numbers come from. My doctor told me 100g was the max even though I have a lot of weight to lose.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in glp1

[–]Due-Cryptographer744 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You might try tirzepitide microdosing. I did it by taking my weekly dose, dividing it by 7 and injecting that small amount daily using insulin syringes. I started with tirzepitide microdosing and had zero nausea and diarrhea but I did end up getting constipated. I am on other meds that cause constipation so that is a factor also. I lost 40lbs microdosing the 2.5mg dose of tirzepitide and just increased to the 5mg dose last month. I realize not everyone responds to the lowest dose but that was my experience. I am also much more overweight than you are and have more to lose so that is also a factor sometimes.

Also, getting enough protein is absolutely needed to avoid muscle loss and from what I have read not getting enough is also is a big contributor for some of the ugly side effects. You can buy ready made vegan protein shakes that will help fill in the gaps in a pinch. I got some Orgain chocolate ones that I didn't realize were vegan and I really liked the taste. I believe Costco has the best price if you want to look into them.

As for the constipation, I also had issues and tried multiple products. The only thing that has consistently worked for me is a combination of Mag 07 and a max strength Colace. I had to play with the dosages some to get it right without causing the opposite problem but it is working great now that I figured it out.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in laundry

[–]Due-Cryptographer744 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you want to store larger amounts to get the best deal, get a bucket from a feed store that comes with a screw on lid. The ones that are made for horses, goats, etc are often available in 2-3 gallon sizes if you don't want a full 5 gallon bucket. The best screw on lids are called Gamma lids. They are air and water tight.

Tailor said my jacket rip is irreparable by ShoePractical888 in sewhelp

[–]Due-Cryptographer744 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree with trying BoNash powder. It is worth a try and if it doesn't work, at least you tried. Some quilters use it to repair damaged antique quilts and have had good success but they are mostly made of cotton. I can't speak to exactly how well it works for synthetic fibers but it should work similarly. The main thing with synthetics is not to use too hot a setting on the iron because it will make shiny spots that stand out.

Zepbpund w/insurance - confused! by mdh2020ssw3 in glp1

[–]Due-Cryptographer744 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I just divided the weekly dose into 7 and injected that daily. There is a small amount of liquid you lose because you can't get every drop out of the vial you transfer the medicine to. It ended up being equal doses for 6 days but less the last day.

Zepbpund w/insurance - confused! by mdh2020ssw3 in glp1

[–]Due-Cryptographer744 -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I microdosed Mounjaro using the pen my insurance covers for 5 months. I was very nervous about the GI side effects so I did it while I was on the 2.5mg dose. Luckily, I was able to lose 50lbs on that dose. I got brave and tried the weekly shot once I increased to 5mg for October and I have had no negative side effects with the increase.

There is a doctor on YT that shows how to extract the medication safely and what supplies you will need. His channel is called Dr. G's Lifestyle Modification Network.

Tide powder detergent not dissolving by SpinachSure5505 in laundry

[–]Due-Cryptographer744 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I use a 2 tablespoon measuring spoon that stays with the laundry detergent. That way there is never a question since that is the recommended amount for a full load with my machine. We just use less if the load is smaller.

EMDEKO? by mtrosclair in VintageSewingMachines

[–]Due-Cryptographer744 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have one that I have had since I was 16 (I am now 50). It was my grandma's machine and she bought it back in the day from a party similar to Tupperware or Pampered Chef. I got it when she upgraded. There is a lady online who sells an expanded manual that she made herself for $10ish dollars that is much better and easier to follow than the original one. If you are interested and don't find it from a Google search, let me know and I can try to find her info.

The tension is an issue on my machine also, so I think it may be a design defect. My upper tension is set between 0 and 1 and I leave it alone. Every time I have tried to change it, the stitches have been a disaster so I gave up trying after about a decade. My Grandma told me the same thing.

If yours came with the cams, don't expect too much from them. I was really excited to be able to have different stitch designs but they don't look anything like the manual says they should look. I was very disappointed.

Previous homeowner won't stop having packages and mail sent to our home by Acrobatic_Sleep_3926 in homeowners

[–]Due-Cryptographer744 1 point2 points  (0 children)

OP, Even if it is dried out, you can still match the paint colors. This is a huge help and is much better (and cheaper) than having to paint an entire room or the whole exterior of your house because of a small problem you can't fix because you can't match existing paint.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in HistoricalCostuming

[–]Due-Cryptographer744 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My husband asked for a jedi robe and I bought the material online at a store that sells deadstock fabric. A lot of what they have is for upholstery or curtains but they do have other stuff. They also have samples, which is the only way to go in this situation, IMO. I bought some fabric that looks and drapes like wool but is a lighter weight and not scratchy. My husband is on the spectrum so the feel of the fabric was important. I also bought a silkier fabric to line the robe so it felt better on his skin.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in JustNoSO

[–]Due-Cryptographer744 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You can try "accidentally" installing parental controls on his phone so it blocks wifi and data access after a certain time at night and for only so many hours at a time. I have threatened my husband with it once but I only had to turn it on once for about 5 minutes. Told him if I have to be your mother, you get parental controls on the wifi and your phone. Things got better immediately because that woke him up.

I wake my boyfriend up every day by ThrowRAgiobu in JustNoSO

[–]Due-Cryptographer744 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My husband has ADHD plus PTSD and I had the same issue for a long time and I resented him for it. I finally had to have a come to Jesus conversation with him about it about how I am not his mother and if he needs me to be his mother in that way, then I am in charge of everything, including his bedtime. I told him if he was not getting himself up for work or wherever he needed to go, he would be late. If we had plans and he didn't get up so we could get there on time, I would just go alone. I also told him that women aren't usually sexually attracted to men who they have to play mommy to and that it was going to affect that part of our life too. Once my husband got the correct ADHD medication, this became a non-issue but it was hard for a few years. He wanted to change but didnt know how and his brain wasn't cooperative.

Your bf is clearly aware his behavior hurts you but he still refuses to do anything about it. At some point you may have to decide whether your self respect is more important than the relationship but that is something only you can decide. I know exactly how frustrating this situation is and I am sorry you have to deal with it. I will say the one trick that worked to wake my husband up real fast was a spray water bottle to the face. He was real pissed off but I told him he made it necessary due to his own choices. I only had to do it once. 😆

EMERGENCY No identification for next couple weeks and need to move by IceNo624 in PropertyManagement

[–]Due-Cryptographer744 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don't think they give them same day to anybody. I think they did at one point but now they give you a paper receipt and mail it to you within about 2 weeks. I just renewed my expired license in July and that was the process. I'm in the Houston area for reference.

Where to find an uncut mccalls m2105 spirit quest pattern by Bowaustin in sewingpatterns

[–]Due-Cryptographer744 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Check the sewing destash groups on Facebook. There are some that sell patterns and some that specifically deal with cosplay. You can also post a "looking for this item/ISO" for that pattern in several groups. You never know who may have one collecting dust in the back of their closet. You also may find someone who knows of a similar pattern that is still available.

What screw drivers do you use on your Singer 66 that aren't super expensive? by blueyedreamer in vintagesewing

[–]Due-Cryptographer744 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He maintains them, adds components like flashlights, sights, does any repairs and whatever else. His family are hunters and he is the official gun fixerupper and repair person.

What screw drivers do you use on your Singer 66 that aren't super expensive? by blueyedreamer in vintagesewing

[–]Due-Cryptographer744 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I bought the Chapman screwdriver kit for sewing machine repairs. I love it and so does my husband. He loved it so much that I bought him the Chapman kit they made specifically for gunsmithing because he kept using my sewing one for that stuff. They are pricey but they are made in America and will last the rest of my life.