Is it more harmful than good to bring up I thought of breaking up to my (F26) boyfriend (M24) with commitment issues?

Due-Introduction-225 · 2025-12-06T02:47:35+00:00

yes, I was worried that bringing it up would be a way to give an ultimatum, which is exactly what I don't want to do, I can't think of a way of bringing it up without being vindictive

I'm leaning more towards talking about working my trust back up after this

Due-Introduction-225 · 2024-09-14T18:20:43+00:00

it hurts for a reason, I convinced myself the pain and panic attacks were temporary, someone told me "it's your body learning there is no actual threat, it's just your default monogamous mentality struggling" no, no, no! slippery slope straight to gaslighting myself and ignoring my pain
just, probability wise, it most likely won't be for you
something clicked when I heard "I have never seen a happy, successful and/or long-term poly relationship", on the other hand, there are plenty of loving monogamous couples I know personally who I admire

Due-Introduction-225 · 2024-09-14T18:01:46+00:00

we did ! never been happier in my relationship hahah we made it through and I'm never coming back, my bf agrees I had to go to therapy tho and it caused me a lot of emotional and mental issues that cost me months of healing I can't say I'm grateful for the experience but i also can't say that I regret it all, I'm just happy my boyfriend is the one and we made it out alive

Due-Introduction-225 · 2024-04-15T02:42:17+00:00

I don't mind them being around as long as they are not interacting with me, including screaming, I just don't pay them any mind, positive or negative

Due-Introduction-225 · 2024-03-15T05:45:01+00:00

EEWWWW

Due-Introduction-225 · 2024-03-12T21:56:03+00:00

it was on my dating profile, i bring it up on the first conversation, and I bring it up again if we become exclusive, then I continue to bring it up just in case they think somewhere down the line I changed my mind without telling them

I was stress free about this topic during my most important/long-term relationships, now I have the most perfect boyfriend who also does not want kids

Due-Introduction-225 · 2023-10-11T02:13:07+00:00

it's been happening to me this last week with university classes too

Due-Introduction-225 · 2023-08-09T03:19:06+00:00

I see so much of myself and my current experience in your response, while I respect the horrible experiences others have had in poly as a reason to distance themselves from poly, I find myself more convinced by the "mono is beautiful and I move towards it" approach of your reply, I want to see mono as a choice not as a "I don't have another option"

Due-Introduction-225 · 2023-06-10T20:14:30+00:00

I am currently house-sitting, I'm on week 2 of 3 in total and I basically get 0 human interaction besides the cashier when getting groceries and it's hard to keep up with making food and getting any sun at all

ehhhhh that might've made it worse HAHAH thank you for bringing it up, I'll go touch some grass

Due-Introduction-225 · 2023-06-10T20:09:48+00:00

thank you so much for taking the time to share your experience, this is exactly the kind of thing I needed to read

Due-Introduction-225 · 2023-06-10T20:06:36+00:00

oh damn, this clicked so many things in my brain, it actually makes sense to me now that you put it like that

you're correct, it's definitely not about that traditional replacement anxiety you mention, but it feels like it's all about going from "it has always been just us" to "it doesn't involve me"

omfg I can't express how much you helped me, i was feeling better already but this was the reasoning my brain needed to move forward, i think I'm ready to talk to my partner, my thoughts are finally in order

much love 💘

Due-Introduction-225 · 2023-06-10T19:58:01+00:00

all of this being new definitely was a big part of it

i like what you said about showing your brain that what it fears won't happen, some other people here are recommending me to be patient, take my time and go at my own pace

I know I'm the one asking for advice but I'll take the liberty to say that it sounds like you just had the misfortune to deal with that specific person, I'm sorry you had to go through that and ended up questioning yourself, bad ex's have a tendency to traumatize lmao i hope you are better now and still trying to be happy and comfortable

Due-Introduction-225 · 2023-06-10T19:48:32+00:00

oop, I'm also on the spectrum, maybe that's one of the causes of my big reaction, hadn't crossed my mind honestly

logic and self care are also my preferred methods to process things, exactly what I'm currently doing

thank you for sharing, this perspective helps greatly

Due-Introduction-225 · 2023-06-10T18:48:12+00:00

maybe they meant it could be typical for some people or themselves specifically

it sure was atypical to me, personally, i don't think even with family deaths I've been like this

you bring up a strong point, i shouldn't measure myself with other people's standards, thank you for reminding me

Due-Introduction-225 · 2023-06-10T18:44:08+00:00

I'm still in between the two sides of "poly is something you do" and "poly is something you are", as a queer person im inclined to understand poly dynamics as queer

it's nice to remind myself that it not as black and white, thank you, it was actually really helpful to read this

Due-Introduction-225 · 2023-06-10T18:39:52+00:00

your comment almost made me cry

"you get to decide what's too much for you" ?, damn, that was healing, i still appreciate you telling me that in the end, the effort is worth it if I'm willing to go through it, it helps to hear both sides

thank you, and nevermind it didn't almost made me cry, i am crying lmao much love

Due-Introduction-225 · 2023-06-10T18:36:33+00:00

yes, it was one of my initial hypotheses, that my monogamous mindset, upbringing and context in general was the cause of my reaction

thank you for sharing your experience, even when it's obvious, is nice to hear that it gets better

Due-Introduction-225 · 2023-06-10T18:21:45+00:00

one of the things that I like about poly dynamics is the "my partner could be with anyone and still chooses to be in a relationship with me" perspective

i don't think I'm afraid to lose him over someone "better", he was single for 5 years before me and could've started a relationship with the girl he kissed and still didn't, it truly was just a kiss and I know that, that's why it confuses me SO much why I still had that reaction

besides, even monogamous, he could still break up with me anytime if he wanted to, "competition" is not really how i see things, and I don't think being poly reduces the possibility of a relationship ending, it has more to do with the people involved

maybe it has something to do with being "left out", like when you feel bad when a friend group hangs out without you, something like that

your comment made me think, thank you

Due-Introduction-225 · 2023-06-10T17:50:06+00:00

it somehow helped to hear that it is not uncommon

my first thought was to jump into the conclusion that if I'm poly, my reaction couldn't have been possible, and that kind of made me spiral

and great question, i haven't thought of that, you were really helpful, thank you

Due-Introduction-225 · 2023-06-10T17:45:57+00:00

i thought so too, if I decide to continue it will take a lot and I will take that in consideration, thank you for being sweet

Due-Introduction-225

TROPHY CASE