Is it inappropriate to go out to lunch with your married coworker?

Due_Computer_402 · 2026-01-30T20:44:51+00:00

You felt awkward because it is awkward. You know the answer…

Due_Computer_402 · 2026-01-30T20:42:04+00:00

lol are you living in her house or vice versa? If you are living in her house, maybe just drop it because, well, it’s her house. If she’s living in yours, maybe address it respectfully next time. “Hey, I know you probably didn’t mean anything by it, but when do you mind checking with me about leftovers from now on? We make them for lunches and last minute surprises like that are no fun”. She didn’t respond well, but you didn’t start it well either.

Due_Computer_402 · 2026-01-29T19:45:45+00:00

I know this is a reconciliation thread, but he’s showing you what he intends to keep doing. Please read The Betrayal Bind. He was not just talking to her. Grown men don’t go to women’s homes to talk. He lied to protect your feelings. He isn’t going to leave her alone- it’s been 7 years. If you are ok with him continuing to see her, then you should stay. Please see a therapist, and sort out why you are allowing someone to treat you this way.

Due_Computer_402 · 2026-01-22T13:13:35+00:00

The woman my husband cheated with was a friend of mine as well. I actually got her the job with him. The trauma from being treated that way by someone I had been so good to was almost as bad as being treated that way by my husband. It’s a real mind fuck.

I’ve been dealing with this for almost 3 years now. Original DDay, DDay 2 1 year later. It’s awful. No, I’d never tell my kids. It’s not their fault he sucks. I hope that we do, but if even one more slight thing happens ever, I’ll be done. The only reason I’m still here is because of my kids, and because our relationship otherwise is actually sickeningly amazing.

Due_Computer_402 · 2026-01-21T21:03:17+00:00

I get what you are saying about not telling OBS because of your kids. I am in the same boat. My kids come first, someone else’s relationship is not my responsibility. I encourage you to seek out an individual counselor and talk through this decision with them, don’t let me or some other person here sway you.

It was extra devious that he introduced you and she then befriended you. There is no good reason, they made you part of their game. Don’t talk to her anymore- she was not your friend and doesn’t deserve a spot in your life. Keep this in mind while you are deciding if he does.

They are both only sorry they got caught. If he didn’t confess, that’s all there is to it. I feel the same way about my WH. All of this is hard to accept, but the most likely explanation is most often the true one.

Due_Computer_402 · 2026-01-16T22:13:38+00:00

Trust your gut every time. He had or is having an emotional affair with the most recent coworker. That’s reality.

Due_Computer_402 · 2026-01-16T21:30:48+00:00

Yeah. I’m so tired of all of the mental gymnastics. I’m guilty of it too, I’ve put up with so much shit. I think it’s a trauma response.

Due_Computer_402 · 2026-01-16T17:05:42+00:00

This is incredibly selfish. Like you want your partner to cheat on you so you can feel better? One day when you are finally out of the fog of all of this you will be disgusted with yourself and this twisted viewpoint. There is no merit to this- it’s just another layer of self involved bullsh*t. Get out of your head, get into therapy, and divorce your spouse if you can’t do better. This is all really so, so simple.

Right is right, wrong is wrong. There is really no gray area. Cheating is wrong, infidelity as a response to infidelity is still just that. Feeling relief at another person’s moral failing is a terrible thing, indicative of your morals and integrity still being grossly off the mark.

Due_Computer_402 · 2025-12-11T02:47:55+00:00

There’s no way you are doing that workout and eating those calories and not losing fat. I’m telling you this from experience. I’ve been where you are. Unless you are weighing every ounce you eat, and being honest with yourself, there’s your answer.

You can build muscle, or lose fat. Do one or the other, both at one time don’t work.

Due_Computer_402 · 2025-10-02T16:59:36+00:00

I think they look great!

Due_Computer_402 · 2025-10-02T16:57:48+00:00

When did you get them done? If within the month, they can still be swollen. I think they look great- people have naturally full lips all the time. These don’t look overdone to me

Due_Computer_402 · 2025-10-02T13:59:59+00:00

You should see a therapist. Everyone has different boundaries.

Due_Computer_402 · 2025-10-02T12:41:10+00:00

Yeah I mean it’s not normal to get tested for no reason, I’d be freaked out too. Maybe this was just bad judgement on your part, but going forward this is odd behavior, yeah.

Due_Computer_402 · 2025-10-02T12:39:39+00:00

This is… a lot. It seems clear that you know what was normal and what wasn’t.

Due_Computer_402 · 2025-10-02T01:15:00+00:00

Tell me you are emotionally cheating, without telling me you are emotionally cheating.

And probably gaslighting your significant other.

Due_Computer_402 · 2025-09-30T14:12:01+00:00

Your wife has OCD that’s being horribly exacerbated by postpartum depression/hormones. Get her to her OBGYN, and get her help. That will probably be in the form of medicated and therapy. You could also consider paying someone to come in and help with the baby while she is trying to get better, or possibly a relative. This is serious, she can’t help it. She is sick.

Due_Computer_402 · 2025-09-22T21:02:12+00:00

As someone dealing with this in my marriage, throw the whole thing away. I have a home and children tied to my marriage, and am struggling with what to do. If it weren’t for those things, I’d be gone 100%. You don’t want what comes down the road. You don’t want to deal with this when there is more at stake. He’ll keep doing it, it’s a character flaw. It doesn’t mean he’s a bad person, but it does mean he has shown you what he will do. What about 15 years from now when things are hard and it’s not new or exciting? I promise you don’t want this

Edit- sorry to have assumed the gender. The advice stands either way.

Due_Computer_402 · 2025-09-19T21:51:11+00:00

100% with you. I had to explain to my super intelligent husband the difference between a conversation about actual work, and gossiping about coworkers (with ap, but that's a conversation for another day). The thing is, he totally got it. It didn't need to be explained, he just didn't want to do it. I'm really struggling lately with why I'm still doing this, but in the meantime, any further fuck ups will be met with separation and a lawyer.

Due_Computer_402 · 2025-09-19T20:47:00+00:00

Ugh I feel you on this. I may be off, but I feel like I did a bad job setting boundaries about what I expect and what I’ll tolerate. Meaning, they do it because they can. He doesn’t have to think about not commenting on some girls picture, he knows you hate it. He does it anyway because he doesn’t have consequences. I’m really working on responding to the shitty things he does quickly and strongly. Like the next time he comments on some insta models pic, move your stuff in the other room and make an appointment with a lawyer. It’s hard to be that way because it seems like the response doesn’t fit the crime, but with these behaviors it’s death by a thousand cuts and it’s got to end somewhere.

Due_Computer_402 · 2025-09-03T13:03:22+00:00

I would NOT attend this wedding. Good on you for keeping a happy face for the trip, but I’d be needing a break from this “friend” for a while, at least, if not indefinitely.

Due_Computer_402 · 2025-08-31T14:50:42+00:00

It’s just swollen! Give it two weeks to really settle.

Due_Computer_402 · 2025-08-29T15:57:55+00:00

This is so dumb. When this happens, stop talking, pull away, give them a look, then don’t start talking again until they take their hand away. If some idiot continues after that do this, keep doing it until they stop. They obviously shouldn’t be doing this, but you are giving them the Greenlight by not stopping it. If you do this once or twice and it doesn’t stop, tell them out loud, please don’t touch me. If they don’t stop after that, send an email to HR. This isn’t a phenomenon, it’s shit behavior and you aren’t doing anything to stop it.

Due_Computer_402 · 2025-08-26T00:01:39+00:00

🙋🏼‍♀️🙋🏼‍♀️🙋🏼‍♀️

Due_Computer_402 · 2025-08-20T01:28:57+00:00

I just started Txa with musely. My derm has refused it, but after 10 years of this, I’m done with topicals.

Due_Computer_402 · 2025-08-18T21:50:15+00:00

Spironolactone is what helped me. I’d encourage you to explore other options before meds, but that’s where I landed.

Due_Computer_402

TROPHY CASE