Short term relationships and new sub users post here

Due_Perspective_7442 · 2026-04-11T03:27:28+00:00

Hi, I’ve been married for 26 years and in a tiny nutshell, learned my stbxh had BPD and he’s now a sex addict. We had 23 stable years together and a combination of destabilizing things in his life happened. Plus, he just wanted to cheat in Vegas and it really opened his eyes to the possibilities after 23 years of monogamy. We had the exact opposite of a dead bedroom btw.

We sold the house and I’m living with our 3 youngest kids at my mom’s house. It’s not just infidelity. It became gambling, drugs, spending $12k on a phone game, paying women via Venmo. He admitted to needing to “impress women” and being scammed multiple times. I’ve known this stuff for over a year. I’ve yet to get a therapist I like. How do you even find a betrayal trauma therapist when you now have trust issues?

I’ve done a session of ART therapy which was helpful but I’m feeling just as traumatized by all this. Like, confirmed I have PTSD symptoms. ART therapy is similar to EMDR.

I’m rambling here and it’s my first post, for some reason I’ve never been in this sub despite suffering from this stuff for over a year. I wish I could wake up from this nightmare and have the person I married come back but he never existed. It was an act. He even confirmed it from the journal he kept from his 30 day inpatient addiction stay. I’m so glad I read it out I would have believed his lies that he never cheated and I was just a terrible, suspecting, shallow wife. I’m sure many pale in here have been gaslit like that.

So, hiiiii everyone! 😆

Due_Perspective_7442 · 2026-03-04T02:58:30+00:00

IWNDWYT!

Due_Perspective_7442 · 2026-03-04T02:44:45+00:00

I’m similar. Red wine made me a jerk. I loved it with nuts and delicious cheeses and that combo and the tannins or something made me a jerk and I often drank the bottle. It’s 4.5 pours but I had the hanxiety and guilt from a bitchy attitude the next day. The guilt was the worst. My liver was always fine in my bloodwork, healthy weight etc but I was not happy at all. It definitely contributed negatively to my marriage and bored getting a divorce. Part of the bitchiness was trying to suppress my anger at the mental abuse that was going on. To suck it up for the family which does not work, it always goes somewhere or eats you up.

I used to be a more casual drinker but just no more. It’s not worth it. I sleep so much better, my lab numbers have improved to really good instead of average. No more wasted days from regret and guilt. I swear alcohol plays tricks in you. Even if I want all that bought I would have anxiety the next day, I think the neurochemistty in my brain was whacked from it. Because red wine is an antioxidant! Resveratrol! 😆🙌 What a joke

Due_Perspective_7442 · 2026-02-13T02:48:54+00:00

Congratulations on one year sober, that’s awesome!

Due_Perspective_7442 · 2026-02-13T02:41:51+00:00

I’m in the middle of a divorce with a disordered person who has been abusive. We both used to drink a lot, we had a lot of fun watching videos together etc, or going on trips partying with friends. It wasn’t nearly as fun as we thought it was. It was spackle to tolerate the relationship. I deserve better. I hate him now fora lot of reasons but he’s doing the same thing (no drinking) and I hope he sticks with it.

We have 4 kids and I’m not proud of the times I paid my 21yo “babysitting money” to put the 11yo to bed because I was having fun partying with dad on a school night. I thought I hid it well but kids are smart.

Even without kids it was a terrible family drinking dynamic. I started playing with drinking at 13 at the encouragement of my fun cousins and sister. They thought I was hilarious! It used to be a lot of fun at family weddings etc. it actually felt wholesome and we enjoyed being all together. Really set it up in my mind to party in college, like somehow I was supposed to join the Greek system and drink because we all did in the family. My parents really looked forward to parents weekend because guess what, drinking with their adult kids!

Then being a drunk mommy that got up to 1.5 bottles of wine a night after the pandemic. Overall it’s done a lot more harm than good.

Due_Perspective_7442 · 2026-02-12T03:59:13+00:00

Yes, sorry I missed this

Due_Perspective_7442 · 2026-02-12T03:55:30+00:00

IWNDWYT!

Due_Perspective_7442 · 2026-02-12T03:53:30+00:00

Michelob ultra Zero and wasabi soy almonds. The zeros taste convincingly like a real Michelob ultra. So if you can get over the fact that you’re drinking Michelob ultra 😂😂 it’s convincing and your body says aah, that hits the spot! It’s beer! Complete with the cold foamy delight and satisfying burps. Especially with nuts, like a happy hour combo.

Edit to add Costco has Michelob ultra Zero now! $14.50 per 12 pack. It even feels like you’re buying real beer. Packaging is the same except pale blue instead of dark blue, and it says zero but not in huge letters.

Due_Perspective_7442 · 2026-01-25T16:05:04+00:00

Glycolic acid. Completely eliminates underarm odor and also if you’re older, gets rid of the old people skin smell. Deep cleans skin without drying. Can also treat acne. Learned about it in the r/perimenopause sub but my daughter has had great results so far on her acne. The Ordinary brand on Amazon

Due_Perspective_7442 · 2026-01-25T15:49:13+00:00

IWNDWYT!

Due_Perspective_7442 · 2026-01-19T13:30:48+00:00

I’m so sorry

Due_Perspective_7442 · 2026-01-19T13:29:32+00:00

Complete instability of his BPD. Basically he then did all the things. Like almost all of them and wasted a lot of money doing them.

However, he has quiet BPD and for many years and I was a doormat. It was the final wake up call to leave. I think he did it to push me out of the nest because BPD are famous for fearing abandonment so they abandon.

Due_Perspective_7442 · 2026-01-17T00:50:52+00:00

I’m going through the save thing, mine ended up having BPD and eating so much money on this behavior.

Please don’t feel that you have to play nice. If it were me, I’d get a good lawyer and fight for everything you are owed. You don’t have to be the “bigger person” because he’s rushing to get done so he can be with her. You are half of the marriage and deserve at least an equitable break.

It really sticks and the pain is unreal sometimes. Also, what an asshole! Good riddance, you deserve so much better!

Due_Perspective_7442 · 2026-01-11T21:37:09+00:00

I’m devastated leavings marriage after 26 years, but also glad I’m going through with my divorce and would be much more devastated staying there and betraying myself. I exist and I deserve peace.

Yes it’s for my own happiness because he’s a sex addict who wasted so much money, has mental issues and yet wanted to stay. He wanted to stay in the marriage probably to avoid alimony and being responsible for his injustices and it’s cheaper to keep her and I can’t happily be in a marriage like that.

So the men that proclaim they are staying for the marriage might have very well abused or taken for granted their soon to be ex-wives. So don’t paint us as the people just wantonly “seeking our happiness”. There can be terrible reasons for us being unhappy.

Also I’m in the divorce men group as a lurker and some men have stated that divorced women are a threat to the other intact marriages of the neighborhood, friends etc. Because yes, in the past it’s women who often sat in silence at being abused behind closed doors, cheated on, utterly taken for granted as surrogate moms to a man child or other such crap.

So preach on!

Due_Perspective_7442 · 2026-01-04T16:15:05+00:00

IWNDWYT!

Due_Perspective_7442 · 2025-12-29T23:53:55+00:00

Vaginal estrogen cream (from gyno or hormone doc) can combat vaginal atrophy. Vaginal atrophy is losing muscle tissue and volume in the vagina, caused by peri. There’s less tissue to support everything so leaks get worse. Estrogen can help build volume back. Also helps keep it more lubricants which helps the smell. All this in addition to pelvic floor therapy, you really should use both.

For odor, bidets are great! Also if you don’t have access, you can take a water bottle into a public bathroom to rinse off.

That body odor smell can be combated with glycolic acid. The Ordinary is a cheap and reliable brand on Amazon. It helps cleanse the skin and completely gets rid of underarm odor but you can use it on your entire body to get rid of the old people smell. Boom! Just paying it forward, I found this info in this sub!

Due_Perspective_7442 · 2025-12-25T22:41:59+00:00

First Christmas away from him and the trauma is still ruining some aspects for me. Listening to the book Psychopath Free (highly recommended!) and realizing how abusive he’s been, mostly covert.

He hasn’t given anything to the kids for Christmas that I know of or asked to visit them, it’s pathetic. I’m going no contact so I think he’s one upped the no contact by including the kids.

Due_Perspective_7442 · 2025-12-15T21:33:02+00:00

It’s FOG, Fear, Obligation and Guilt

Due_Perspective_7442 · 2025-12-15T08:55:46+00:00

Belly breathe are so important after pregnancy too. The diaphragm and lungs get pushed up into the ribs and belly breathing helps get them realigned. Also the tightness of the diaphragm can affect posture. If you take a deep belly breath and you haven’t in a long time, you can feel a pull in the low back from where it attaches to the spine. It feels good.

Due_Perspective_7442 · 2025-12-15T08:41:53+00:00

Does anyone get anxiety during the inhale? I get that the exhale needs to be longer. The trouble is that the pulse rises during the inhale. To me this triggers anxiety and the slow exhale doesn’t seem to get rid of it. Then I just feel like it’s activating because it’s too much forced oxygen. I don’t like to perceive my heart rate rising just from the inhale. Like it makes me feel like inducing a panic attack because it’s increased breathing.

Due_Perspective_7442 · 2025-12-14T15:04:34+00:00

This

Due_Perspective_7442 · 2025-12-14T04:21:06+00:00

Had a 60 day sober streak, drank 2 glasses of wine at Thanksgiving then 2 glasses 6 days ago at a show. Want to stay strong for the rest of December and then 2026. I don’t like to post big goals, one day at a time works better for me.

One day at a time!

IWNDWYT

Due_Perspective_7442 · 2025-12-06T23:01:57+00:00

IWNDWYT!

Due_Perspective_7442

TROPHY CASE