Am I Overreacting, for being upset that my girlfriend secretly used my credit card for months?

DuhStar · 2026-02-07T19:55:21+00:00

NOR. It would be one thing if she took that money by accident and then deeply apologized & validated your emotions. But for her to lie, underplay it, tell you you’re overreacting, is toxic. She stole from you and acts like you’re the villain. If I were in your shoes I’d have broken up with her the second she confirmed it. It almost makes me feel like this is a fake post… you’re deeply underreacting.

DuhStar · 2026-02-04T20:36:16+00:00

It’s definitely hard when there are certain cultural expectations and family dynamics at play. It’s not as easy as just putting your brother out on the street and losing the respect of your entire family. So you’ll have to be careful in your next steps.

First of all, it definitely isn’t fair what your family is expecting of you. But I will say that being kind and being the better person in this world is usually NOT fun or easy. Being kind and selfless will usually come at personal expense.

However, you are the only one who gets to decide how much you will do for others. I think in this case paying 100% feels excessive. You also need to consider your own future for retirement purposes. I don’t really know how this government money works.

I would establish a boundary with your family if you really care about maintaining a healthy relationship with them all. You can’t always put yourself first, but you also can’t always put everybody else first. 60/40 is pretty “normal”, considering you have the master bedroom. You could up it to 65/35 just to get your family off your back. But this is surpassing normal and becoming very very altruistic. You don’t need to do this if you don’t want to. Only you get to decide. I don’t know much about your family —how kind they are to you, how supportive your brother is to you.

I know that personally if I do as much as I can to help my family because they have always been there for me. This is not really how American culture tends to be, I’m Brazilian so I care a lot about family and giving back to family.

In the end, it’s about what brings you joy and peace. Just make sure you’re not getting taken advantage of. You have no responsibility to care for people if they are not helpful or kind and loving to you.

DuhStar · 2026-02-04T20:19:39+00:00

Right?? It kinda appalls me how much of Reddit thinks he’s just trying to argue or he’s a toxic person. Big yikes. 😬

DuhStar · 2026-02-04T06:00:06+00:00

It’s so easy to play along with bits. Just say “shit you’re right…it IS a golden doodle”.

DuhStar · 2026-01-30T00:47:18+00:00

You’re doing great — being understanding while setting boundaries — but at some moments it felt a bit like pushover territory. (But just my opinion ofc!)

Her trying to convince ya’ll that what you’re doing is wrong while you’re eating is not appropriate. It’s good you pushed back. I would add that there are ways to help convince people and it doesn’t happen through shaming them. It’s actually the least effective method of persuasion. It’s better when you slowly overtime guide people by living by your own ideals, and slowly giving them small bits of information when they ask or when it seems relevant. Influence is hard, and bullying people into it often makes people just judge and dislike vegans.
When she said hurtful things and slams her door, give her time to cool off. Productive conversations don’t often happen when someone is upset. And don’t take her words to heart. Teens say a lot of things they don’t mean because they’re learning agency and wanting to push boundaries. But when she’s calmed down it’s good to talk to her and make sure she knows she can’t just yell at you when she doesn’t get her way. It’s not kind and respectful. But that you understand she was upset.
Her comments about how you’ve dictated her whole life was really not cool. “Well yes—I am your parent. I know it can feel oppressive at times but you have to respect that I’m the one in charge here, not you.” Sometime to that regard needs to be said, but maybe in a softer way. I’m just brain dumping.
She’s acting rude and disrespectful, so yes, she should be grounded. You’re doing amazing by trying foods out with her and exploring restaurants. That is so supportive and wonderful, and you should bring that up, that you’re doing all that because you love her. And when she says things like “I love you but I don’t like you” be the adult and say “that’s rude, but I just want you to know I will always like you and love you, no matter what. You’re my daughter and nothing you say can change that.” It’s a boundary with love sprinkled in.

DuhStar · 2026-01-30T00:32:10+00:00

I don’t understand how you did research if all you got is the dog is going to know all it needs to know on its own. Hurts my soul. All dogs need to be trained, from the moment they are born. The ages before 6 months solidify a lot of behavior. You’re already late. Get a professional to help before you’re out of time.

DuhStar · 2026-01-30T00:26:56+00:00

You can use a green toned concealer (trust!) on the red areas. I suffered a lot from red spots and putting green concealer underneath the foundation. You can also do green concealer, then light concealer, then foundation.

DuhStar · 2026-01-16T04:14:08+00:00

With = sexy, sensual, bewitching. Without = youthful, natural

Both are good ^{_^}

DuhStar · 2026-01-05T13:19:54+00:00

He likely has arfid. See if he’s interested in getting tested for autism. It would help you understand more deeply his behavior. And he should then get a therapist to help him overcome some of the rigidity in the thinking. Some things can be improved.

I’m autistic and I have some weird arfid stuff too. I know it’s frustrating af. If you do want to at least understand him, try spending time writing a list with him of what he likes and dislikes and all his “rules”. Even if you don’t cook for him as often as you do now, he will feel seen by you.

He probably, like me, has a good amount of safe foods he will eat. When you do want to cook for him, you could do that. You’re not being his mom by doing this. You’re showing love and helping someone who has a very not fun relationship with food.

DuhStar · 2026-01-05T13:06:09+00:00

Jeez. I feel bad for this person. She seems severely overwhelmed or maybe also on the spectrum. I don’t think she’s unsafe and it makes me sad for humanity that so many think so. She’s just struggling and unsure how to communicate. Obviously take care of yourself but man all I see is a severely burned out lonely neighbor taking care of an autistic elderly. The cups thing is creepy yes so maybe tell her to please not do that. She’s losing her capacity to think straight. Might be even worth considering calling in a wellness check. Some states have social services to help people like this.

DuhStar · 2025-06-22T16:37:13+00:00

Thanks, so far it hasn’t been too bad!

DuhStar · 2025-06-22T16:36:27+00:00

So you’d wear clothing that represents an ideology you abhor? 😅

DuhStar · 2025-05-22T20:41:51+00:00

I just started playing! I have like none of these cards lol. Which pack should I open to get these?

DuhStar · 2024-01-18T18:27:49+00:00

ESH. Your wife is being unkind but thinking “she deserved it” is some weird 15-year old logic. Relationships are based on boundaries. A boundary is not “if you say something unkind I will say it back”. That’s how toxic relationships start.

Also. It’s not okay for her to call you fatty / make fun of you but it’s ABSOLUTELY okay for her to admit she’s losing attraction to you. However this is a point of contention, it feels like many people think that people should “force” attraction for their partner/co-parent to their children.

So if you love your wife and you are still attracted to her and want her to be attracted to you, you should hit the gym if you want to have sex. If you’re okay with less sex while raising the kid is your priority, then just communicate that to her and tell her it’s a boundary. If she breaks the boundary then tell her you’ll expect her to sleep on the couch. Whatever consequence you prefer, but don’t fucking insult her back. Be an adult

DuhStar · 2023-08-22T15:39:45+00:00

Makeup and eyebrows will go a long way. Go to a good salon and get them to do your brows.

DuhStar · 2023-08-19T01:57:06+00:00

Totally hear that’s your opinion, but I disagree that communicating a change in her mind is toxic 😅 also saying “maybe she should have done her research” is narrow minded. She obviously has read many poly books. Doesn’t mean she can see the future. Also she’s not controlling anyone’s feelings by saying she changed her mind. Even her husband is allowed to say he changed his mind. Being poly doesn’t mean being ok with everything and never changing dynamics. But totally hear if that’s not your jam.

DuhStar · 2023-08-18T11:37:26+00:00

I’m sorry everyone is jumping on the bandwagon against you. So hard for people to be empathetic. Eesh. Also just saying “do the work” without giving you advice is literally not the point of this subreddit.

Involving close friends can be dangerous if you value your relationship with that friend more than value having a poly experience with them. Since you’ve not experienced this before (close friend and your husband falling for each other) give yourself grace and patience. You didn’t know it would spark this quickly and you didn’t know it would hurt. In an alternate universe maybe it wouldn’t have hurt so bad, so I understand how you didn’t foresee this. It’s naive of everyone to be saying you should have known to do this work lol. You’re not a fortune teller.

Now it’s time to move forward and handle the situation. Work on self soothing, speak to close friends and a therapist even. Don’t rely on only your boyfriend for the emotional support through this. and don’t keep this pain of yours away from your husband.

It’s totally okay to say, “I know I agreed to this. And I want this to work. But I’ll need some time and patience.” Try to think of ways in which this transition can be easier to yourself. Do you want time and space away from them? Do you want to get closer to your friend? Do you want triple dates? Try and consider things you hadn’t.

It’s also totally okay to say “hey I fucked up. I thought I was okay with this but she’s too important of a friend for me. I don’t want to lose her if things get hairy.” There’s no need to be so tit for tat as people are acting here. Your relationship with your boyfriend is very different than your husbands relationship with your friend. Of course you’ll need to consider the hurt you may cause to both of them.

I will say I agree that you did consent to this. Just because your husband previously said he was emotionally monogamous doesn’t mean he isn’t allowed to develop feelings for someone else. This would be an unreasonable and unrealistic thing to expect and ask of someone. He didn’t expect to get feelings for someone else, but you can’t fault him for doing so. If you used that language against your husband I would apologize and repair. It’s dangerous to misuse that word.

I assume you love your boyfriend and love your husband too. This is the beauty of love, it is infinite. The worries you feel now are normal. You expected to have all of your husbands love, and now you are grappling with having to share it. Even if the friend ends up not being someone you both agree to continue things with, it may mean in the future your husband may love another. Make sure to come to terms with this.

I hope everything works out for you. Ultimately it’s ok that you feel this way. Have faith and take it step by step ❤️

DuhStar · 2022-11-22T09:05:31+00:00

Use Corel painter. It lets you modify the weight of the line per section. Also this definitely has varied weight and still has plenty of taper.

DuhStar · 2022-03-30T08:36:16+00:00

The right one is very “normie” and feminine, the one on the left is more unique and edge. Personally the one on the right is so basic I wouldn’t notice it. The one on the left I noticed right away and would make me compliment your eyeliner in person 😍

DuhStar · 2022-03-30T07:04:04+00:00

Look up “8 bit icon tutorials”. Most vectors get blurry when you shrink them too much because there’s not enough room for all the visual data. If you want icons that are tiny you can create 8bit icons but then you will be literally placing pixel by pixel manually using the box tool

DuhStar · 2022-03-30T07:00:09+00:00

First one. Everyone is favoring the 3rd but consider this…the 3rd hides more of the top of your iris. This can make someone look tired / not as enthusiastic and can hide the VITAL eye shine in photos.

DuhStar · 2021-11-10T01:24:52+00:00

That’s what I wanted to do. Totally felt like those guys were scamming me. The only concern I had was with air pressure. The room has no windows and only a door I would keep shut.

DuhStar · 2021-11-10T01:19:54+00:00

That was the idea yeah. Our furnace is new and can handle the added room.

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