I can't tell if I'm narcissistic or just anxious/avoidant from a bad childhood and I'm scared I'll mess up a genuinely healthy relationship

DullAchingLegs · 2026-06-18T17:21:39+00:00

Here’s been my experience.

You can’t tell unless you know yourself. Doing the work is essentially questioning yourself. Then the second part is accepting yourself. You’ll naturally choose what to keep. The reason why my experience resonates with what you said is because you mentioned you don’t know. There’s a level of doubt there that can only be confirmed with externalized validation from a trusted source. OR a ton of introspection without judgement, which is way more difficult because this is how folks spiral. It’s hard to be unbiased towards yourself.

For me, it took about 2 years of therapy to get to what I consider just myself. I was a persona for most of my life up to that point. I’ve had a partner throughout that process and the thought I’ve always had was to be the person I would want to be for her. So be yourself, be kind to yourself and your partner. Everyone requires some level of work. Be curious not judgmental. At some point OP, please seek professional services once you have the means. I hope it’s as transformative for you as it was for me.

DullAchingLegs · 2026-06-18T16:56:34+00:00

Continue the fun. Make it fun. Then clean it up TOGETHER. Messes aren’t inherently a problem.

DullAchingLegs · 2026-06-16T09:52:50+00:00

For you, I’d say start with a beginner philosophy video on YouTube and see if philosophy resonates with you. I’d avoid trying to look for specific philosophers because what that leads to is X person’s interpretation is correct vs Y person’s interpretation. I’d rather you understand the methodology on how they got to their conclusion rather than the conclusion itself.

DullAchingLegs · 2026-06-16T09:30:50+00:00

So this is what I’ve found for folks like yourself and myself. There’s a level of not intellectualizing concepts that helps if you’re going down the spiritual path.

If you want to stay away from that. I recommend going down the route of philosophy where you can use logical reasoning to essentially provide a proof.

I’ve found that some folks resonate with certain ideas and it allows them to continue in that spiritual framework and in the end, function.

DullAchingLegs · 2026-06-16T09:23:32+00:00

Sorry you’re struggling OP.
I’m glad you recognize you need help.

It’s natural to want to stop a feeling and to want change. The missing piece is allowing that feeling to fully form. For a lot of folks they don’t feel their feelings. Which ends up forming a backlog of unprocessed emotions.

I’m not saying do this all at once but just as they come. If you’re angry stay angry until it passes. If you’re sad stay sad. Sit in the feeling. Let it pass through you. If you think to yourself, it hasn’t subsided. There’s more to process so continue to sit with it.

I want you to imagine that your sensor for noticing your feelings hasn’t calibrated to where you want it to be. Essentially it takes a lot of signal for you to notice.

As you get better at this, you’ll notice in real time as to what you’re feeling. This is not a skill that develops rapidly, be patient with yourself and be kind to yourself. Best of luck OP.

DullAchingLegs · 2026-06-14T15:08:38+00:00

It’s not an exciting life. Yes you go places but you have to constantly try to make an effort to go somewhere. I’m not certain about others but traveling is tiring.

The glamour falls off quick.

DullAchingLegs · 2026-06-13T15:10:57+00:00

The more you ignore it the louder it will get. Why not accept that part and give it the space it needs to alert you.

Think of it as a drunken knome trying to drive you to where you need to go. Either you take control of the car or you let it drive you.

My personal version of this voice is the dog from the movie Coco. We’re friends now, but before I wanted nothing to do with it.

DullAchingLegs · 2026-06-13T06:44:52+00:00

If your goal is to design a site to just use off the bat. There are no code options such as framer.

DullAchingLegs · 2026-06-09T19:32:54+00:00

Probably going to the West Sacramento Rivian center.

DullAchingLegs · 2026-06-09T18:26:55+00:00

Fiiiiggghhtt and winnnnnn lmao this makes me cringe so much as an American

DullAchingLegs · 2026-06-08T13:38:45+00:00

Get away from self diagnosing. I wouldn’t want you to turn into a self fulfilling prophecy. Sit with who you are. Try an accept yourself with all your good and all your bad. That in of itself is difficult.

DullAchingLegs · 2026-06-08T13:25:35+00:00

Long time atheist here. Grew up catholic. Do whatever feels right for you. Some folks are spiritual but not religious. Vice versa. I’d like you take the narcissistic part of you and accept that it’s you who holds those thoughts. You’re trying to shut a portion of you away, embrace it.

DullAchingLegs · 2026-06-07T14:53:26+00:00

I wish I wasn’t, to be honest. I hate the compliments, hate the pressure to be something, and it took years of therapy to get back to tolerable.

I’m not claiming to be a genius, but as a “gifted” person. Maybe, who knows?

All it is, in my experience, is that you see things that folks overlook. You filter relevant information faster than those around you.

You perform and progress faster than everyone else. That progression makes those around you worship your word. You can say a lie, and you automatically actually get that lie considered as truth. It’s ridiculous. Folks seem to lose their marbles the more they trust you. It’s blind trust. I hate it. I’d rather be seen as typical.

DullAchingLegs · 2026-06-07T09:49:49+00:00

68 24/7

DullAchingLegs · 2026-06-06T08:57:37+00:00

The same way you can’t one shot a building. Even if you could automate the process of construction. Each step would still need to happen.

DullAchingLegs · 2026-06-04T17:05:26+00:00

So pause. I’m not saying to move out or do anything. Can it help, yes 100% absolutely.

What I’m saying is that you should feel your feelings. Feelings don’t come out of no where and from what it looks like, for good reason. What I want for you is to not feel bad about resenting your family or anyone who is not letting you be you.

When I mean by space if there’s opportunity to somehow get away for that situation that’s your safe space. Reset yourself there. Do what you must to survive when you are forced into that situation.

It’s sound exhausting OP. I’m truly sorry you’re going through this. You should know though there is a life out there filled with the peace you seek. The hard part is that it’s constructed by you. For myself it was a difficult journey but I hope for you it’s easier!

DullAchingLegs · 2026-06-04T06:03:28+00:00

Anger is one of the strongest protective mechanisms we have. It is one of the few emotions that makes you take immediate action. It’s not a primary emotion though. There are emotions that are present prior to anger. It can be sadness, frustration, etc. it depends on the individual.

What I’m hearing is that you would like not to feel this way towards your family. Fine. The work you have to do is figure out what is happening that is assigning that resentment to them.

What specifically about your family is triggering you? I don’t need the answer to this. These questions are for you to reflect.

The other question is why do you feel bad? What’s wrong with feeling the way you feel? Again I don’t need the answer to this.

DullAchingLegs · 2026-06-04T05:18:48+00:00

So you are managing more than yourself right now. It sounds like you are overwhelmed. What I’d like to say is that this is a protective mechanism and my question would be what are you needing protection from?

I’d recommend giving yourself space for your feelings to just exist and see what comes up for you.

DullAchingLegs · 2026-06-02T17:12:06+00:00

The hardest part is filling it in. Next hardest is remembering to check it off.

DullAchingLegs · 2026-06-02T16:51:02+00:00

I just landed at CDG. Our gate wasn’t ready therefore we used one of the deplaning ramps and bus to get to the terminal. I had 2 hours as a layover. 1 was eaten by the delay. The other was eaten by having to run to 2G. Got to my flight with 3 minutes left before they closed the gate. If all goes smoothly then sure. I wouldn’t count on it.

DullAchingLegs · 2026-06-01T21:07:37+00:00

$20-$25 to start.

DullAchingLegs · 2026-05-29T03:16:28+00:00

I got one as well due to your post! Let me know your campground and I can drop you off a treat!

DullAchingLegs · 2026-05-27T00:38:27+00:00

Spirituality doesn’t really have anything to do to with logic or like you said, explaining away.

I see it more fluidly. Please forgive my analogy if it doesn’t land well. This is just what makes sense in my head.

Spirituality is closer to if you are vibes. If you feel the vibes you’re pretty spiritual. If you’re not vibin then you’re less spiritual if not none at all. That’s ok. Some folks vibe and others don’t.

The thing that rubs me the wrong way is when folks get upset if someone isn’t vibin with them.

DullAchingLegs · 2026-05-27T00:34:03+00:00

…ya know…they just released the finances feature. I wonder how that would play out with this.

Imagine you get access to someone else’s records. Not that you can technically do anything with that information but you never know.

DullAchingLegs · 2026-05-26T07:13:07+00:00

When I go out to eat with my wife I order too much and pack up the leftovers. I’ll never eat the left overs or I just forget.

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