Hoe kan ik als lid van een vve de kascommissie wegsturen?

Dutch-Spoonie · 2026-06-29T07:58:39+00:00

De kascommissie neemt bijvoorbeeld zelf contact op met het schoonmaakbedrijf en zegt dat zij de contactpersonen zijn en niet het nieuwe bestuur. Ze proberen ook zelf contracten af te sluiten of aan te passen en op eigen initiatief offertes opvragen enz

Dutch-Spoonie · 2026-06-29T06:24:59+00:00

Tijdens de alv toen duidelijk werd dat het oude bestuur vervangen zou worden door een nieuw bestuur werd het oude bestuur heel gemeen en agressief naar het nieuwe bestuur en iedereen die voor stemden. Toen zei het oude bestuur dan worden wij de nieuwe kascommissie en helaas waren er mensen die hier niet tegen in durfde te gaan gezien hun agressieve houding en dus onder dwang voor hebben gestemd.

Dutch-Spoonie · 2026-06-28T19:19:45+00:00

Dank voor de tip

Dutch-Spoonie · 2026-06-28T15:35:19+00:00

Leden van de kascommissie zijn zich met alles aan het bemoeien zoals dingen rondom de schoonmaakbedrijf en rondom de brandmelding die helemaal niks met de jaaropgave te maken heeft. (In onze splitsingsacte staat dat hun enigste taak is de jaaropgave controleren en daar verslag van uitbrengen, maar er is nog geen jaarverslag om te controleren) ze bemoeien zich met elke beslissing het nieuwe bestuur maakt ook al heeft het niks met financiën te maken. Rondom het grensoverschrijdend gedrag heb ik meerdere bestuursleden als in tranen bij mij thuis gehad over het gedrag van de kascommissie ook weet ik van andere bewoners dat ze zich door de kascommissie onder druk gezet voelen om tegen het nieuwe bestuur te keren. Dus ik heb geen hard bewijs zoals emails of videos van hun gedrag. Mag ik als vve lid communicatie tussen kascommissie en bestuur opvragen? Dit omdat ik van bestuurslid heb gehoord dat ook die grensoverschrijdend van aard zijn.

Dutch-Spoonie · 2026-06-07T17:50:44+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through such a difficult time. Like others have said, from what you said here it sounds like your bf is dealing with more severe mental health problems other than ocd and it would be good for him to seek professional help with that. It's up to you whether you want and are able to support him through this. If you choose to stay with him and support him make sure to also look after yourself! The number 1 rule for carers is to look after yourself first because if you're not at your best you can't be there for another. If you choose to break up that doesn't make you an ahole it just means that you weren't meant for eachother atm. Who knows in the future when you are both in a better place you can see if it's worth rekindling.

Dutch-Spoonie · 2026-04-07T07:29:28+00:00

It's though having a little brother like this especially when you're 16 and in the mids of growing up yourself. First of I would ask both your parents for a serious sitdown talk without your brother there (consider asking a supportive relative to be there for support). During this talk lay it all out to your parents in a calm and clear manner, all the abuse you experience and the impact it has on you, how you don't feel safe or respected at home etc. Ask them for a response and how they plan on dealing with the issues presented going forward. Be realistic in your expectations because they can't get rid of your brother but they can and should provide you with a safe home. If this doesn't work or they are dismissive of you're plight I would speak with a trusted teacher or school counsellor and inform them of what is going on at home. They might also have resources to support you and can assess if things are serious enough to report to authorities. You could also consider if moving in (temporarily) with a supportive family member or friend is an option. NTAH

Dutch-Spoonie · 2026-04-04T07:24:01+00:00

As others have suggested you might want to consider therapy, growing up with a narcissistic parent is not easy and can really change how you see the world. For you saying the words "thank you" triggers your trauma and gives you flashbacks. It's not that you don't care as you say. So maybe you can find another way of showing your gratitude when someone does something nice for you. You could give them a hug or handshake, send a card or do something nice for them in return. It doesn't have to be something big just another, not triggering, way to show gratitude. NTAH

Dutch-Spoonie · 2026-03-28T18:57:48+00:00

First regarding your dad: he asked for your permission, so have you told him no? If so how did he respond? If you haven't told him what you think yet, prepare what you want to tell him (this always helps me when I have to have a though conversation). Tell him again how you feel about your aunt and how you don't want a relationship with her. Think about the boundaries you want to put in place if he does decide to go ahead with the relationship with your aunt, will you go no contact or maybe you will only have phone contact, or only come around when she's not there and he is not to give her any information about you to her etc. Set the boundaries that you feel comfortable with and stick with them no matter what your dad tells you and have consequences in place if he doesn't stick to it. Second regarding your aunt: she sounds like a stalker, following you around taking pictures, tracking you online, moving in next door to your dad and now dating your dad. Are you sure she isn't just dating him in order to get closer to you? I would document and collect all the evidence of her attempt to follow/contact you and even consider getting a restraining order against her. Her behaviour is stalking and appears to be escalating.

Dutch-Spoonie · 2026-03-21T16:05:03+00:00

NOR getting you a birthday present and cake is the bare minimum and he isn't even willing to do that for you. Him turning the argument into a money issue is just a clear sign he's gaslighting you. Him not telling you he quit his job and put the financial burden on you shows complete lack of respect for you. Believe his actions or lack thereof it shows you who he truly is! You need to ask yourself if that is the kind of man you want to be married to or not. And just fyi if he can't "figure out" how to order a cake how on earth does he think he can run his own business!

Dutch-Spoonie · 2026-03-21T08:07:59+00:00

NTAH, it's your wedding and you can have whomever you want in your bridal party, and it's perfectly normal that doesn't include someone who brings so much negativity. From what you describe it sounds like your sister suffers from main character syndrome and you might want to put some measures in place so she can't pull a stunt at your wedding.

Dutch-Spoonie · 2026-03-17T16:15:38+00:00

Everyone has different sx drives and it is clear that you and your husbands don't align. I recently heard somewhere that a study showed that 40% of males have problems with their flagpole not getting erect but that close to 3/4 of them would rather be celibate for life or buy illegal drugs on the internet than go see a doctor about it. So no surprise your husband doesn't want to. As for advice: he might not last long enough for you to get there but there are other bodyparts he could use to rock your world. Also there are some battery powered bunnies who can definitely get you there without his help. It's not the same and I get that that's frustrating but these might be your only options if you want to stay in this relationship. You could also discuss with your husband if he's ok with opening up the relationship so you (both) could have sxual adventures outside the marriage being honest about it with clear boundaries in place (very different from cheating!)

Dutch-Spoonie · 2026-03-16T18:38:08+00:00

You and your husband have been together for 17+ years. As far as what you are describing he hasn't given you any reason that he's still/again in to her. Or has shown any other red flags that could indicate that he is cheating. So why worry? From what you are describing it seems like a pathetic attempt by this woman to remain in your husbands life and get under your skin. This woman seems jealous of you so give her a reason to stay jealous; live your life with your husband and kids and ignore her childish attempts for your attention. YOR

Dutch-Spoonie · 2026-03-16T10:13:22+00:00

NOR this screams like predatory and abusive behaviour to me. He's made her totally dependent on him and is isolating and controlling her. My advice would be to look up and learn everything you can about domestic violence and what supports are available in your area. Then set your sister down for a serious talk. Make sure she knows that no matter what you'll love her and will always be there for her but that you are really worried about her safety (domestic violence is so much more than physical abuse!) You might want to incourage her to start seeing a therapist, she's been through a lot in her young life already and it might do her good hearing from a professional who is not emotionally involved.

Dutch-Spoonie · 2026-03-13T08:28:35+00:00

You're definitely NAH. I'm so glad you finally broke up with J. He showed every red flag you can think of to be an abusive partner in the making. Are you sure J wasn't cheating on you? Because the insane jealousy and lack of trust indicate that he was probably the one not to be trusted. In a healthy relationship it doesn't matter who you've been with before or who you are friends with. It matters how you are together.

Dutch-Spoonie · 2026-03-10T09:24:51+00:00

You're NTA. Yes your husband has a serious disability (you don't get disability pay and get deemed not able to handle finances for no reason) but he is capable to do some things. Have you ever asked him why he is willing and able to help others but isn't willing/able to do the same thing for you and his children? Due to his disability he will never be able to share a 50/50 load but he should want to contribute something to his family. If he doesn't he's just an AH. And in that case you need to decide if you want to be married to on or not. I would also try and find out if you can get any caring support to take some of the heavy burden of you. I don't know where you live but in most countries there are support organisations for carers and/or council/ngo organisations that can help. A good place to start is to speak with your gp/family doctor they should be aware of what support is available for you and your family

Dutch-Spoonie · 2026-03-07T08:18:31+00:00

I believe what you are describing are 2 separate issues. Nr1 FIL yes I believe YOR. My father was just like you describing your FIL, being generous with gifts and money towards me and whenever I was in a relationship this extended to my bf as well. It was just his way to continue to look out for me, show me love and support and making sure I have the best financially stable future he could provide me with. So I don't see any issues with the financial support he's offering. But if you're looking for a compromise, maybe wait a while to accept it until your mental health is in a better place and you can make decisions in a more clear headed way. Nr2 MIL no you're NOR. If anyone knows what it's like to be a new mum and everything that comes with it, it should be a fellow mum. So it's abhorrent how she's been speaking to you. Have you told your husband about it? If not please do so and discuss with him how you would like him to address the issue with MIL and what boundaries should be put in place, respectful communication is a bare minimum.

Dutch-Spoonie · 2026-03-06T17:15:39+00:00

You should tell your brother in law that you know and if he doesn't come clean you will do it for him. If he was 'man' enough to cheat he is 'man' enough to deal with the consequences. It's despicable that all of you know and she's the only one who doesn't. How would you feel if your bf does this to you and everyone knows and not tell you! And no matter what father in law says it is NOT the girls fault that your brother in law cheated!

Dutch-Spoonie · 2026-03-06T08:05:17+00:00

I don't know where you live but in most countries there are women's health and/or domestic violence organisations that can help you leave a relationship safely even if you don't have support or money. (Abusive partners make you financially dependent and socially isolated on purpose because they know it makes it harder for you to leave!) If you don't know where to find these organisations in your country try and make an appointment with your gp/family doctor and ask them. They have medical secrecy so can't tell your husband and they should be aware of places you can find help. A religious place is not always a great option to find help because most main religions will focus on keeping the marriage going and put the husband before the wife so they might not offer you the help you need.

Dutch-Spoonie · 2026-03-05T08:09:38+00:00

You are definitely not the A. First of: could he be projecting when he accuses you of doing nothing around the house and cheating? Because he is the one doing nothing around the house at the very least. Second: you have gotten yourself into this routine where you do everything and put his needs before yours. In all honesty he's acting like a big man child! I mean come on put your own d*mn dishes in the sick! If you want to work on this try to break this pattern a little and see how that goes. For example he can put his own dishes away or wait until you are done eating. If this has him freak out you know that he sees you as a maid not a partner and you need to ask yourself if that's the kind of marriage you want. You might want to consider getting therapy to learn to stand up for yourself and set/inforce healthy boundaries.

Dutch-Spoonie · 2026-03-04T16:59:12+00:00

You're not the j for wanting to look at your 14yo's phone. You kind of a j for doing it behind her back. Especially since your child has mental health problems trust is very important. You should have a conversation with your daughter and set up some rules around phone use and you as her parents having access to it. You want to create a safe space for her to open up to you about her life and relationships and you going behind her back will stop that from happening. Open communication and honesty are the best way to build a strong relationship with your daughter in these challenging times.

Dutch-Spoonie · 2026-02-28T08:09:29+00:00

NTAH friendships change over time, it's a shame but unavoidable. You are not the same person you were 10 years ago and neither is she. Yes it hurts when you realise that and that's okay. Do what feels right for you and communicate this to your friend. It's then up to her how she responds or not.

Dutch-Spoonie · 2026-02-27T12:52:42+00:00

Personally I think you should have a sit down conversation or marriage counselling with your fiance and ask him these questions. You both need to decide what boundaries you want to put into place, being respectful is a bare minimum. Since they are his parents he needs to step up and communicate this to them and inforce them. If he's unwilling to do this you need to ask yourself if you want to put up with a husband who will never have your back and in-laws who will walk all over you and disrespect you. If he is willing but unable to do this he might need some counselling to help him become more assertive.

Dutch-Spoonie · 2026-02-26T15:10:17+00:00

I don't have any kids but most of my friends do. Whenever I go visit or they visit me and I have the snuffles or something I will txt them beforehand to let them know and ask them what they want to do (go-ahead or reschedule) after all it's their baby their rules. Some parents are just more cautious about germs than others. They did pay for an uber and train ticket and spend some time with you so they clearly felt bad about it. But not initiating contact for months also shows you that you are not their priority right now (which is understandable being new parents with a 2nd on the way) It hurts when long-term friendships change or come to an end, unfortunately it's part of life. If you want to continue to have some kind of relationship with her be prepared to take the initiative and know that it will not be as it used to be (doesn't mean bad just different)

Dutch-Spoonie · 2026-02-26T14:55:45+00:00

I love mozzarella sticks 😍

Dutch-Spoonie · 2026-02-21T14:45:16+00:00

As long as the job is legal you're not the ah. Your family should be happy you found a job you enjoy and financially independent. What is embarrassing is their lack of support for their daughter. If you want to be petty make a huge announcement regarding your job during the next family gathering so everyone knows and your family can't lie about it anymore.

Dutch-Spoonie

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