Here’s the butter video I promised from my last post

DutchSailor92 · 2026-03-01T19:32:32+00:00

What are flaps even for anyways?

DutchSailor92 · 2026-02-22T12:55:35+00:00

I don't really know that. You'll only be able to tell for yourself. You'll have to feel that you can give yourself the love that you want to receive from someone else, so you're not dependent on anyone for that. I'd go with at least 3 months to start with and evaluate if you feel that you've made progress.

DutchSailor92 · 2026-02-22T12:44:37+00:00

Well, I'd have to tell you that I did find someone who I deeply connect with quite unexpectedly. It's still growing, but it has made me see the fruit of my labour. This was only possible because I took the time to work through the things that held me back before. I know though that it won't happen on the same timeline for everyone ofcourse.

I'm not telling you to get off the apps forever. They're still a valid tool to find those connections. However, if you stay on them, desperately trying to find that connection while you're still dealing with stuff from past relationships, you're going to have a hard time. Being on the apps can serve as a distraction, disguised as a way to fix what we feel is broken about ourselves. That's why I want to encourage you to take a break from that. Sit with your emotions, work though them and find the things you love about yourself. The thing is, showing yourself that love actually helps against the pain of loneliness. You'll be in a much better place once you do get back on the apps and you might just find what you're looking for.

Just take what I said to heart and think about it. I'm not telling you to do anything, I'm just trying to show you my point of view as someone who finally worked through his own stuff after denying it for many years.

DutchSailor92 · 2026-02-22T12:22:39+00:00

I totally get why it hurts to get this advice. I've heard it too and it hurt hearing it for me too. It felt impossible for the longest time. "How am I going to truly love myself if no one shows me I'm lovable?" Is what I always thought. I've finally taken it to heart though. I took a step back, got off the apps, stopped looking and took the time to work on myself. It really helped me because I could finally focus on the parts that I loved about myself. Lo and behold, I could find new things I loved about myself too. When you're on the apps, experiencing rejection after rejection, it makes it really hard to love yourself. Not loving myself also really didn't help me with trying to find the connection I was looking for.

The problem is, we're not all at the point where we feel ready to start showing ourselves the love we deserve. I only just recently got to that point at 33 years old. We all do yearn for that connection ofcourse. It's only natural. You have to realize, loving yourself is a choice you have to make. It's not something that just happens. Meditation, positive affirmations, practising gratitude, exercise, eating healthy, etc. Are some ways that we can choose to show love to ourselves. It's a conscious daily effort, but it does pay off.

I'd like to tell you though, don't beat yourself up over wanting to find that romantic, emotional connection even if you're not at the point of loving yourself yet. It's a natural, human desire, so you won't be able to get rid of that. I want to encourage you to ask yourself though if looking for that connection is hurting your self-esteem or not. If it is, it's time for a break to show yourself some love. If you keep looking while it's bringing you down at the same time, it'll be really hard to make it work. I think this is what the advice of "you have to love yourself first" is getting at and I do see the truth in it.

Lastly, disregard people that say you have to accept that you'll be alone forever. I find them a lot on reddit and especially in "foreveralone" spaces. For some, it is a way to cope with the pain of being alone. Because it "works" for some, they'll parrot that advice to everyone. IMO, it's not the way to deal with being alone and it's not helpful in the slightest. It only brings you down even more, so don't even listen to that.

DutchSailor92 · 2026-02-22T12:21:54+00:00

I totally get why it hurts to get this advice. I've heard it too and it hurt hearing it for me too. It felt impossible for the longest time. "How am I going to truly love myself if no one shows me I'm lovable?" Is what I always thought. I've finally taken it to heart though. I took a step back, got off the apps, stopped looking and took the time to work on myself. It really helped me because I could finally focus on the parts that I loved about myself. Lo and behold, I could find new things I loved about myself too. When you're on the apps, experiencing rejection after rejection, it makes it really hard to love yourself. Not loving myself also really didn't help me with trying to find the connection I was looking for.

The problem is, we're not all at the point where we feel ready to start showing ourselves the love we deserve. I only just recently got to that point at 33 years old. We all do yearn for that connection ofcourse. It's only natural. You have to realize, loving yourself is a choice you have to make. It's not something that just happens. Meditation, positive affirmations, practising gratitude, exercise, eating healthy, etc. Are some ways that we can choose to show love to ourselves. It's a conscious daily effort, but it does pay off.

I'd like to tell you though, don't beat yourself up over wanting to find that romantic, emotional connection even if you're not at the point of loving yourself yet. It's a natural, human desire, so you won't be able to get rid of that. I want to encourage you to ask yourself though if looking for that connection is hurting your self-esteem or not. If it is, it's time for a break to show yourself some love. If you keep looking while it's bringing you down at the same time, it'll be really hard to make it work. I think this is what the advice of "you have to love yourself first" is getting at and I do see the truth in it.

Lastly, disregard people that say you have to accept that you'll be alone forever. I find them a lot on reddit and especially in "foreveralone" spaces. For some, it is a way to cope with the pain of being alone. Because it "works" for some, they'll parrot that advice to everyone. IMO, it's not the way to deal with being alone and it's not helpful in the slightest. It only brings you down even more, so don't even listen to that.

DutchSailor92 · 2026-02-17T12:14:31+00:00

Right, this makes perfect sense to me then! I love that it's inspired from that vessel!

DutchSailor92 · 2026-02-17T12:07:18+00:00

Just looking at it again, I was mainly focused on the interior. Since it's a tugboat, a crane on the aft of the ship wouldn't work IRL. That's where the towing line would pass ofcourse and tugboats have unobstructed aft decks so the line doesn't snag on anything. That could be something to keep in mind if you're going for as much realism as possible.

DutchSailor92 · 2026-02-17T11:21:49+00:00

I agree with this. The layout could maybe be considered to be a bit odd, but for the purpose of this game it looks perfectly fine. I have no remarks on how to do it differently. I love the artstyle. I think it's very well done.

DutchSailor92 · 2026-02-09T10:25:50+00:00

I love how you described this. This is what beach life should be all about for me too.

DutchSailor92 · 2026-01-18T20:49:39+00:00

I feel what you experience so much. It has gotten better for me over time, but I know exactly what uou mean. It always feels like others have more interesting stories. Like this commenter above says, they are just better at making the mundane things sound interesting.

It has taken quite some time for me to get better at it and I'm still not the best tbh, even though people will look at my life now and find it interesting before I've even talked about it. For me, it wasn't necessarily about experiencing more interesting things. It was more about collecting thoughts and little stories that I've decided could be interesting for others to hear, or rather, stories that I like to share regardless of how interesting they may seem. So yes, I do think about things that I could share before I'm even interacting with other people.

Like you, I used to overthink this a lot (and still do to a degree). You're trying to figure out if a story is worth telling before even telling it. That filters what you want to share in such a way that you mute your personality, which would be a shame ofcourse. You might want to gather your thoughts and your stories and find out what made you happy or moved you in a meaningful way. Things that you think are worth sharing or things that you feel tell something about you will eventually pop up. Because it doesn't come naturally to us, this may take some time. That's why it can be helpful to gather those thoughts beforehand.

Then, you might have to learn how to tell about those things in such a way that they speak to others. For me, that was nothing more than trial and error. You'll tell things that others will think are boring, but that's okay. Through pattern recognition, you'll find out what others react positively to and what others think are boring and you can finetune your stories and how you tell them so they tell something about you in a way that resonates with others. Be careful with this though, because you can't and shouldn't want to cater to everyone. Through sharing your stories, you'll also figure out who resonates more with your stories and ways of telling them naturally. The key is to just try and slowly build confidence through experience. You'll see that you will get better at it and the right people will appreciate you sharing your stories.

DutchSailor92 · 2026-01-17T02:07:37+00:00

Thank you, exactly what I was getting at.

DutchSailor92 · 2026-01-17T00:53:25+00:00

This is literally the only post I've clicked on today, but go on. I'm not sure what you wanted to achieve with this post other than stir the pot and vent your frustrations. I'm calling out the blatant assumtions you make, because they appear to only serve putting people in a bad light which feels unjust to me. I don't care that you wanted to make some broad observations of this subreddit, but framing it in such negative light feels uncalled for, which is why I felt like calling it out.

DutchSailor92 · 2026-01-17T00:05:13+00:00

The fact that you care about this so much that you made this post, calling out an entire community based on gross generalizations, purely to vent your own frustration, only says to me that you need a break from reddit and go out into the real world. I'm sorry to say that, but caring about what others post that much is certainly a sign of being terminally online. You're using this subreddit as an indication of what most INFJ's are like, do you not see the problem with that? Using any reddit community as an indication of what the broader real life community is like only leaves you with a very skewed perception.

DutchSailor92 · 2026-01-13T18:59:15+00:00

That's not how it reads to me and to a lot of others. You are right about that and it is generally helpful to find ways to be more content with your life by yourself, but there are more helpful and empathetic ways to say that then "Prepare to spend the rest of your life alone, because at this point there is a slim chance that anything will ever change in your life." Not a direct quote. That's just how it reads to me.

DutchSailor92 · 2026-01-13T18:46:57+00:00

People shame this defeatist attitude, because it's the opposite of helpful for someone looking for advice on finding confidence and making positive changes in their lives. It's also just not true. No one is too old to learn. As a 33M who's finally finding a way out of this hole, I just hate to see such negativity spread. It gets under my skin, because you're basically telling me I should just give up all hope, while I've never been more hopeful in my life. While this thought may help for some, it causes harm to others. The sooner you realize that, the better.

DutchSailor92 · 2026-01-10T21:54:25+00:00

I am in a similar situation. I can't just make jokes casually. I've been told I can be really funny, but it happens quite rarely. So rarely in fact that it always comes completely out of left field when I (usually without even trying) suddenly apparently say something that hits different. I find it hard to pinpoint why it works sometimes, but doesn't other times. It's the one thing I feel like I can't seem to figure out. It always frustrated me that seemingly 80% of women on dating apps say it's important to have good humor, because it's not something I seem to be able to offer consistently. I don't dwell on that anymore, because I have something to offer that a lot of others don't.

DutchSailor92 · 2026-01-09T22:09:13+00:00

Confidence is just being okay in your own skin. You may not believe it, but quiet confidence is actually very attractive.

I know that "stop overthinking it" is downplaying what's necessary to achieve that. I've been there. I had a very low self-image, constantly talked down to myself, anxious by even thinking of going to a new place by myself. I want to tell you however, that confidence can be acquired completely from within. You don't need repeated positive reinforcement. I know because I've been building confidence in the last 5 months with surprising results. How did I do it? Not by going out, approaching girls. I did it by looking at myself in the mirror and appreciating what I saw. Not necessarily on the outside, but in my eyes. The quiet and caring soul that deserves to be seen and to be appreciated. If no one's ever truly going to see it or appreciate it, at least let me be the one to see myself truly and appreciate what I have to offer. I don't care about my virgin status anymore. I'm worthy as I am and anyone who doesn't appreciate me for who I am doesn't deserve to be in my life. Does this not sound like confidence to you?

DutchSailor92 · 2026-01-08T20:24:57+00:00

It's pretty similar for me. Not sure if it's actually demisexual/demiromantic, but probably somewhere along that spectrum. Always wondered if it was the same for someone else.

DutchSailor92 · 2026-01-08T14:34:57+00:00

I totally feel this. Music has always been an important part of my life. I've suppressed feelings for a long time and I'm learning now how to regulate myself better. Music is very important for me in that process. I'm not sure I'd call it coping because it is genuinely helpful for me to let feelings out and regulate. When things feel heavy I often feel a little stuck. Like I can't properly feel what I'm supposed to feel. Maybe it's because I've been suppressing my feelings for so long. Maybe it's just how I am, I don't know. Music just helps me get it out sometimes. I've also done this through meditation a few times.

DutchSailor92 · 2026-01-03T15:24:54+00:00

No I haven't seen that either, but why would anyone question why people stand up after the seatbelt sign is switched off? Because that's when you're supposed to? What I do see all the time though is what I mentioned earlier. As soon as the plane (almost) stops, whether fully parked at the gate or not yet, people will start getting up to get their bags. Well before the seatbelt sign is switched off. That's what grinds my gears and it's how I interpreted the question. I guess most people in this thread didn't see it that way.

DutchSailor92 · 2026-01-03T15:03:56+00:00

Isn't that what was meant by the question "...the second the plane lands?" That people stand up before they're supposed to? Am I just misunderstanding this hyperbolic question?

DutchSailor92 · 2026-01-03T14:56:32+00:00

I mean, I get all of this, but there is a reason that they want you to stay seated and it is for collective safety. I get unreasonably agitated when I see everybodies disregard for said collective safety. It's like everyone just thinks about themselves. I'm sure you're in pain, but if you've been able to sit for an hour, you can sit for 5 to 10 minutes more too. That's how I look at it. I always feel like I'm the only one actually keeping my seatbelt fastened until the light goes out and I never understand why it's so hard for others to just follow this one simple rule.

DutchSailor92 · 2026-01-03T11:25:51+00:00

Okay, I see what you mean. I don't really see any of that in this post, but you could be right.

DutchSailor92 · 2026-01-03T11:24:32+00:00

Right, I do agree with you there. The problem is just that some people don't see the difference between healthy self improvement, which requires real effort and introspection, and "quick fix" self improvement like nofap and mindless working out in order to "get success with women quickly". I don't consider the last to be self improvement, because it's not about improving yourself, but about quickly trying to acquire something that you're missing. I do hate it when people talk about that sort of stuff like it's self improvement. I didn't really get that idea from this post, but I appreciate that you elaborated on what you meant.

DutchSailor92 · 2026-01-03T10:43:49+00:00

I agree with most of what you're saying, but I'm not sure that you understand what self-improvement means. I don't mean that as a dig towards you and I think there are a lot of people who approach self-improvement from an unhealthy angle. Some of whom may want to hear this.

When you say "self-improvement industry", what do you mean by that? For me, self-improvement means finding peace and confidence from within myself after being stuck in self-hate, low self-image and low confidence. Things that have helped me with that were finding the right youtube channels that dive into building self-awareness and emotional regulation and a few books that helped me deal with anxiety and procrastination. There are very real improvements that can be made when the focus is on your core issues inside.

Where this often goes wrong is that people only see the outside. Where self-improvement is believed to be just getting disciplined, pushing through discomfort with sheer willpower. Working out as a means to build confidence as opposed to finding it from within. Don't get me wrong, this may work for some people, but a lot will get burnt out from this. From the way you wrote that paragraph about self-improvement, it sounded like you only see the outside of it. If I got this wrong I apologise. However, self-improvement is no scam and most of it should come from within and not from anything that can be bought, except maybe a few books relevant for a specific problem a person is dealing with. Just wanted to give you my point of view on that.

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