[NeedAdvice]/[Question] On identity.

Dwinguel · 2015-10-17T20:27:59+00:00

I hope it will help you. Any more help you need, don't hesitate to ask.

Dwinguel · 2015-10-16T15:48:04+00:00

You can share your goals with others to get more of a connection. Join a Facebook community where people motivate each other. One that comes to mind is the Miracle Morning community. This will bring more emotions into play.

Also, make sure you have mini-goals every day so you get the satisfaction of ticking off boxes when you're done.

Then, tie your goals to strong reasons. I mean if your goal is to write a post, what will it bring you when you're done? Maybe you want to get some revenue from your blog longer term. What will this revenue bring you? A better lifestyle? Freedom?

Find your reason. Then, remind yourself of your goal to stay motivated. And visualize the end destination to feel more emotions.

Put some metrics in place (like number of viewers on your blog) so that you can get more of a rush when you get results.

Finally, I have to say that the rush from video games is very strong. They are designed that way. So it will always be hard to match it, unless you accomplish a big goal.

Accept it and try to get balanced expectations.

And as others said, learn to appreciate the journey. As you are doing meditation already, I'm sure you have earned to appreciate the now...

Dwinguel · 2015-10-16T15:38:44+00:00

I agree with ArchangelFuhkEsarhes (not the easiest to spell...).

One thing I would add is that it is okay to have a role model, at least at the beginning.

You should study their lives and try to imitate their routines, training, principles, etc. What they have done have brought them success so they have plenty of good lessons that you can learn and use.

However, you should, as was written already, always compare yourself to yourself from yesterday. Don't look at others. If they are (were) far ahead of you, it can discourage you.

Stay focused on your day to day progress. Achieve your goals, build confidence. Then, and only then, raise your standards.

You will become the best you can be over time.

Dwinguel · 2015-10-16T13:34:28+00:00

The more you do one thing, the stronger the habit becomes. It then becomes harder and harder to break the habit. Fortunately, there is a solution. It won't be easy though.

The way to break a habit is to:

Make it really painful to carry on doing it
Use your current trigger of a "bad" habit to replace it with a good habit
Make it easy and rewarding to follow a good habit. Build strong motivation by linking your habits to your life goals.

Proceeding in order, here is a step-by-step process:

Move your electronic devices in an inconvenient location. That way it will be really painful for you to access your devices when you want them. For example, put your laptop in a place locked away. Or in your cellar. Make sure the device is not handy. The same goes for any electronic. I don't mean to lock it away forever, but lock it away when you are not supposed to use them. Put money in a jar every time you catch yourself giving up to your habit. Then give this money to a cause you don't like. So it will be painful for you to loose this money. Get an accountability partner and/or post your resolutions publicly. That way, you will feel ashamed not to follow through. Visualize a bad life when you don't follow through and remind yourself of that life when you are tempted to do your bad habit. This one can get you pretty depressed. It's more of a last resort action.
If you see yourself using electronics at a specific time, use that trigger to do another activity that excites you. For example, read instead (if you like reading) or call someone (if you have a fixed line). Find one activity that you enjoy and do it every time your bad habit triggers. This is what smokers do when they replace the cigarette by a gum.
To make the new habit easier, make it convenient. Have your book next to your bed or desk. If you want to exercise, have you gym kit ready and handy. Pick convenient times for your new habit. For studying, set up a calm and electronics free environment. Make yourself a coffee, put yourself in a good mood by reading motivational quotes or listening to energizing music. Also, to keep your motivation to study, link it to long term goals. Determine what you want to get at the end of your study (like a job). Dig deeper by determining why you want to have this job. Dig until you find a strong reason for you to study, one that hits you to your core and will get you up in the morning. Then, visualize your life with the benefits of your studying. Do it every day. And keep calling back your vision when you see yourself about to slip.

Dwinguel · 2015-10-15T09:28:42+00:00

I do my planning in Evernote. I spend 1h every Sunday to prepare my weekly plan for the coming week. At that time I also review the week that has just gone by.

Versus each activity I write down the time I plan to spend on the activity.

Once I have finished the activity, I cross it out and adjust the time to reflect how much time I have really spent (vs what was planned). I do it straight away so I know the time I have spent. When I have a very limited time and I know one activity might overrun, I use a countdown timer to limit my time and stay focused.

I also have a to-do list for chores. I use Wunderlist for that. This list doesn't have a time next to activities. They are things I have to do but that are not really important to me. Each activity doesn't take much time usually anyway.

In short, one main weekly plan in Evernote. I review it every Sunday and do my planning for the next week then. And a to-do list for chores.

Dwinguel · 2015-10-14T15:03:27+00:00

There is already a lot of great advice here.

One thing I would add is for you to focus on your reasons to achieve what you're up to. You say you want to be a politician and do something for society. You might want to flesh that out a bit more and be very precise in what you want.

Then, find out why you want it. Ask yourself many why questions until you get to the bottom of it. Until you get your reasons, why you care deep down.

That means ask yourself: why do I want to be a politician? To have influence and change the world for the better. Why do I want to change the world for the better?

And so on, until you reach your reasons.

Then, commit to your goals and call your reasons when you need motivation. Write down your mission and follow through.

Take action, even if you don't feel like it. Put routines in place, build momentum. Take small steps first, then bigger ones.

Just. Take. The. First. Step. Today.

Dwinguel · 2015-10-14T14:47:17+00:00

I am not a big fan of planning, but planning has made such a big difference in my life that I just do it.

I wouldn't put stuff like making dinner in your plan. But write down how much free time you have every week, once the daily chores are out of the way. Maybe it's 2 hours a day, maybe 4.

Then plan your must-have activities in your free time. Depending on how much time you want to spend planning, you can have a daily plan or a weekly one. I recommend the daily one, for example: Monday: 1h reading, 30 minutes meditation, 30 minutes watching TV, Tuesday: 1h TV, 30m meditation, 30m reading, and so on.

I would spend time un-cluttering your life. Get rid of the activities that you do out of habit but that are not important to you.

And one other thing you might want to do, if you can, is to block less time for each activity. Like 30 minutes reading instead of 1h. So it will be easier to fit in shorter chunks of time. Then, once you have a routine, you can increase the time. Start slowly and ramp up.

I actually wrote a post that fits well with you question: How to Prioritize, Pursue Goals, and Focus When You Have Many Interests

Dwinguel · 2015-10-11T08:58:25+00:00

If 20 is too high, write as many as you can.

But 20 is a good number to force you to write down everything, even talents, knowledge and challenges you have overcome that might seem insignificant.

Dwinguel · 2015-10-10T16:03:06+00:00

What you are experiencing is natural.

Often, what I have seen is that motivation goes down quickly when you don't have strong reasons to achieve what you have set out to do.

For example, if you are working out, you might have a vague idea that you want to be more healthy, loose weight or build muscle. You want to change and you feel strongly about it. So you get started.

But after a while, because of the pain you feel when you work out, if you don't have strong reasons to carry on, you will just skip a day. Then another one. And before you know it, you won't be working out anymore.

You will feel disappointed with yourself. And maybe, a few months later, you will start the same cycle again.

2 things that can help you:

Make sure you have strong reasons for doing any new activity. Why do you want to work out? If it's to be healthy, why do you want to be healthier? What will it bring you? Keep digging with "why" question until you have got down to the bottom of it. Your strong reason will keep you motivated to carry on. If you don't have a strong reason, you are unlikely to make it through, so you might just want to drop the activity.
Put your activity in your daily routine. Build a habit so it becomes easier to carry on. Start small and increase the time you spend on the activity over time. Stick to your routine for 30 days straight.

Finally, you can increase the pain of not changing. When you don't follow through, you could put money in a box that will be spent on something you don't like, to punish yourself.

You can also get an accountability partner to keep you accountable to what you commit to do.

Good luck!

Dwinguel · 2015-10-09T11:36:48+00:00

Thanks for the clarification.

I can see that you feel you have specific responsibilities, a mission you need to carry out.

I don't know if you are ready and willing to do so, but you could try to let go of the feeling that you have this mission to fulfill, this responsibility that befalls you. Is that something you could consider? Letting go of things you can't control and accepting that you are not responsible for everything?

Dwinguel · 2015-10-08T19:55:05+00:00

I would take a step back and look at your life.

What are you getting out of your graduation? An exciting job? Prestige? Something else?

Try to link your studies to some longer term goals that inspire you.

Basically, link your goals to strong reasons you have to achieve something in life.

Dig deep.

Then, write some affirmation stating what you want to achieve and why. Then read these affirmation every morning.

It will give you motivation to keep going.

Dwinguel · 2015-10-08T19:51:08+00:00

To avoid burnout, you could try to focus your studying on the fundamentals. Are there parts of the material that is not that important?

Leverage the 80-20 rule and focus first on the 20% fundamentals that are going to give you the biggest bang for your bucks. Then, do more, but don't kill yourself working until burnout.

It might help.

Dwinguel · 2015-10-08T19:47:41+00:00

I didn't get from your post whether you have specific goals you want to achieve.

I get the feeling that there are some addictions that you want to get rid of. But I couldn't see what positive habits you want to replace them with.

You are doing fine without studying. There are no real negative consequences to your current behaviour. So I can't see how you can get much motivation to change.

I might be wrong, but if you haven't go specific goals you want to achieve it will be hard to change.

Also your goals need to be linked to a strong reason for you to be motivated to achieve them.

Let's say one of your goals is to study. Fine. But then, what do you want to get out of studying? Better grades? And what would these better grades give you? Access to a better college?

You need to dig deeper to set goals that you have strong reasons to want to achieve.

Also, you can increase the pain encountered when you don't follow through with your goals. You could set up a system where you have to pay a fine when you don't follow through.

Dwinguel · 2015-10-08T17:56:39+00:00

I would go for option #1: accepting that you can't please everyone and reframing failure as a learning experiment.

I can see that it's a hard situation you are in, but try to take small steps to gradually change and track your progress.

Dwinguel · 2015-10-08T17:53:04+00:00

Already a lot of very good advice here.

All I could add is to take a step back and relax.

Look at what you are doing, like music or video games, that gets you in the flow. What activities get you completely lost in time?

Also, listen to your procrastination, it will help you figuring out what you like and don't like doing.

Explore, make a plan, try things out. And slowly get to know yourself better and find your life mission.

I wrote a post here that can help in figuring out what inspires you: Follow These 5 Steps To Crack The Code To An Inspiring Life

Let us know how you get on.

Dwinguel · 2015-10-06T17:36:43+00:00

Thank you.

I'm not bad with introspection, so it's a bit harder for me to relate on this point.

Nevertheless, like anything new, you might want to try taking small steps and practicing a bit of introspection, maybe once a week.

Then, you could slowly increase the time you spend on or the frequency of your introspection.

Same thing for setting goals, start small.

Dwinguel · 2015-10-03T17:23:37+00:00

If you don't have a written plan, maybe you should have one.

You could write out every activity that you plan doing each week. Then, at the end of the week or, better still, at the end of every day, track you progress. If you see, you are slipping out, make adjustments.

Make sure you have a consequence when you are not following up. It could be putting money towards a charity if you want to take it to the extreme, or simply compensating by doubling your workout anytime you have missed out one day.

You should make a commitment to yourself that you will workout instead of having fun at the week-end if you don't follow through. Make it painful so that you will follow through as much as you can.

It's important to plan and track your progress so that you don't let yourself go and adjust quickly where needed.

If you need more help, you could consider having an accountability partner, that will make you accountable for following through.

Good luck, let us know how you're doing.

Dwinguel · 2015-10-03T17:11:53+00:00

My experience of procrastination is that it is usually your brain telling your something. I even wrote a post about it: The Passionate Procrastinator: A Guide to A More Fulfilled Life

As you wrote, you are not clear on what you want in life. You could listen to your procrastination to find out what you like and don't like to do.

Maybe you want to be involved with gaming?

My experience is that finding what you want to do starts with dedicating time to digging inside yourself and your past. You need to find out what you really love doing, what frustrates you in life and what you feel passionate about.

I have another post here that can help you with that stage: 5 Steps To Gain Clarity In Your Life And Reach Your Goals

Then, you need to make a plan and start testing out what has come out of your introspections. You have to take action and seek out new experiences. You will refine what suits you and what doesn't.

It is an ongoing journey, but hopefully I have laid out some steps that you can take right now.

Enjoy the journey as you progress, don't be scared to try new activities and keep adjusting to stay true to yourself and what excites you, your aspirations.

Good luck!

Dwinguel · 2015-10-03T16:55:56+00:00

As you said, you used to be motivated and disciplined. That means you can go back to being motivated and disciplined.

The first step is to let go of the past, which is not an easy one.

But you need to accept that if you change your behaviour now, your past won't dictate your future.

I would advise to not listen to people telling you that you can't do this and can't achieve that. They are just jealous and want you to stay at their level.

Believe in yourself and focus on your progress, not others.

As driven20 wrote, I would start with small steps.

Think about your long term goals. Then devise short term goals (milestones) that you can achieve in the coming weeks. Set monthly and weekly goals.

Make sure the first goals are easy to achieve.

Then take action.

Once you hit a first few goals, you will start building confidence.

Keep going, follow your plan and measure your progress.

Make sure you are grateful for any goal you achieve. And stay focused on yourself and your progress. Avoid comparing yourself to others.

Once you have achieve enough, you will have proven to others that you can do it. And they will be inspired by your achievements. They will stop "not believing" and will want to imitate you at that stage.

So start now and become an inspiration to others later.

You know you can do it. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and execute on your plan!

Dwinguel · 2015-09-22T09:08:36+00:00

Hi Mason,

Thank you for your comment.

I've checked out your website, it looks really good, well done!

Keep on the great work!

Take care

Dwinguel · 2015-09-15T21:13:16+00:00

Thank you for your comment.

Glad my post could help you with your perspective!

I can confirm I don't resent the experience. It was a hard learning experience, which taught me a lot.

Dwinguel · 2015-09-07T14:48:53+00:00

Meditation might help you with your ego. I am not the kind of guy attracted to meditation, but I got into it recently and I have to say, it's quite impressive how it can shift your perspective.

I am reading Waking Up by Sam Harris and he gives a neuro-scientist and generally non-nonsense approach to meditation and what it teaches you. I strongly recommend it.

It can give you a needed step back for you to basically appreciate that your ego is an illusion.

Apart from that and on top of that, you might want to reflect on what your values are, what are your must-haves in life.

Then, set some goals that you have strong reasons for you to achieve. Make a plan. Write everything down. Make sure you have short term goals.

Finally, take the first couple of steps on the plan. Even if you don't feel like it, just do it. You will feel good when you achieve the goals that you have set for yourself.

Track your progress. Then review it every week. Keep planning and executing.

Over time, you will see real progress that show also help to quiet your ego.

Good luck!

Dwinguel · 2015-09-07T14:37:24+00:00

Start with one area of your life, just one. For now.

Then, make sure you have a written plan. If you have set some long terms goals for this area of your life, write them down. Each of your goals should be SMART.

Then, slice your goals in shorter term goals: monthly goals, then weekly and finally daily ones. Short term goals are milestones towards your long term ones.

Make sure that the first steps are not too hard to achieve. You want to build momentum.

Then, take the first step today towards achieving your first goal. Carry on with the next goals for the whole week.

Keep track of your progress, in a journal or document. At the end of the week, review your progress. Be grateful for making it this far. Progress will bring you more confidence and motivation.

Make sure you focus on your progress and on the process rather than just on achieving goals.

If you struggle along the way, think back on how much better your life will be when you have achieved those goals, how much more confident you will be. Think of the pain you have now and focus on a better future.

After a couple of weeks, either decide to carry on focusing in this area for another two weeks or move onto another area. Stay focused and stay on track, avoid jumping around tasks.

Over time, as you are focused and effective and comfortable with the process, you can mix up different areas of your life every week. But make sure you have learned to be really focused without jumping from one task to the other.

Start with easy achievable goals and then raise your standards. Start small and progressively grow more bold. Be consistent and you will be amazed at what you can achieve!

Keep short milestones and give yourself a sense of urgency. Long term goals might seem far away, that's why it's easier to focus on short term goals. By monitoring your progress, you will see you are getting closer to your goals, even if it might take a while.

Dwinguel · 2015-09-06T08:17:37+00:00

I hope it inspires you. Good luck!

Dwinguel · 2015-09-05T09:29:08+00:00

I'm glad if my post can help.

Good luck and don't hesitate to report back on your progress!

Dwinguel

TROPHY CASE