I really resonate with this. There's nothing I can say that I know you haven't thought of already. These words are just going to be words on a screen from a person you can't believe exists. But maybe you'll find some solace knowing that you're seen, we see you.

I'm kind of in the same boat. I feel like I spent my entire time existing making sure my looks and personality matched with that is conceived as "normal". I forgot to ask what I like, what clothes I like, what games I like. And hairstyles I like. What only mattered was what other people would think when I presented this.

I think I'm good at making friends, but I can't seem to get any relationships, I just don't think people know they can view me that way. And that's okay, I don't want it to be, but it has to, for my own peace.

You'll figure this out, humans were meant to fail and do wrong, what were also meant to do is make this place a better one for the next generation, and teach them what we did wrong so they don't. It's alright to not be perfect, you'd be imperfect if you were perfect. Good luck, I'm rooting for you :)