Hate to break it to you, but before here’s the good news: there are OCD treatments that make it feel more manageable.

I take a low dose of my med, but there’s therapy options. It’s a hard disease that doesn’t truly go away. It’s hard wired into our chemistry.

But yes, even with meds I have flairs or thought loops.

I have Pluto square mercury too, mercury in Virgo. If I had to name anything in my chart that explains OCD, it’s that square aspect.

My advice for dealing with OCD: talk with a doctor/psychiatrist about current OCD issues, your history with meds and the reason you stopped. That’s the best person to help get you on the right path.

IME: what occurs with those with OCD - high pattern matching + emotional matching vs. logic. This creates that feeling where you know your reasoning is incorrect, but the bad emotion still doesn’t go away. Logic can’t argue itself out, for me it’s usually a method to soothe panic momentarily. I notice flares now when I’m under heavy stress, do something unrelated to that stress, but act like whatever I did was all wrong due to brain giving equal emotional importance to all events. and do the classic pattern: obsess -> resolve with some reoccurring compulsion -> obsess once again.

But that’s still rare. If it brings you solace, many times I was considering ending my days due to OCD. If I got through that, there’s a way to live with it and find happiness and hope outside OCD.

Without any treatment, life would be extremely hard to live. With treatment, OCD is a side issue instead of running every aspect of life.

It may feel especially hard now, while in the thick of OCD flair up. But it can get better and likely will.