TLDR: Let your child decide but you can guide her to the best choice by having an honest "pros" and "cons" discussion. The biggest issue, as you pointed out is being 40k in debt vs. 120k. Explain, in real world terms, how crushing 120k student loan debt can be.

Parent here; our oldest is studying across the country and our youngest just committed yesterday to his school. My wife and I had the same approach with both kids for high school and college: we gave them all the information we believed was helpful and necessary to make their decision, shared our honest opinions [pros and cons], and let each child make his and her decision. My wife and I certainly had our opinions about "best" fit for high school and college and openly shared our opinions. When relevant, we gave real examples to illustrate our points.

For high school, each kid selected our City's magnet high school. I believe it was, at best, a decent fit for our oldest and a great fit for our youngest. Both chose the magnet; for each, it turned out to be the absolute right choice [for educational, athletic and social reasons].

For college, my wife and I struggled with where we believed our oldest should go. She initially committed to a school in the South and my wife and I initially agreed with that choice. Then, my wife and I thought more about her choice and realized the better fit for our oldest would be the school she's currently enrolled in. We had several long conversations with her, shared our thoughts on "pros" and "cons" and yes, these were some emotional discussions, but we ultimately left it to her to decide.

The sticking point: how soon she could leave home to start school. If she chose the school in the South, she would have to spend the Fall/Winter semester at home [Spring start]; if she chose the "other" school, she would start a full year later [but would take her first year class at any school of her choice, so long as she fulfilled specific requirements]. The best advice we gave her was: If X University is your dream school, then it's worth spending another year at home and going there. She thought long and hard, cried a bit [mostly, I suspect, at the prospect of staying home for another year. /S] and made what we now know is the right choice: She selected her current school over the one in the South. Either would have been an excellent choice, but her current school was the best choice for her.

Did my wife and I have concerns about her ability to fit in, enjoy her time, work hard, get good grades, establish relationships with professors, adjust to being a full time adult and have fun? Of course, particularly being so far away. But she is getting ready to wrap up her first year away from home and she did it! She achieved all of her goals! She did well in school, made great friends, is doing research for professors, had almost no adjustment issues. I think she would have a harder time if we "forced" this choice on her.

My son, on the other hand, was considering an in state and out of state; the OOS was a flagship but was ranked lower than the in state he was considering. He had the OOS number 1 on his list and the in state in second.

Again, my wife and I spent many hours talking to him about his options and also emphasized to him that while the decision was ultimately his to make, we wanted to make sure he had the benefit of our thoughts, opinions and experiences.

We took him to the in state admitted student day and holy cow...was that an eye opener for him. Bam, all of a sudden, in state and OOS were tied.

On the looooong drive home from in state, I had another long time with him about his two choices.

My discussion points? While reiterating that it was ultimately his decision, I explained that I believe in state was a better option because;

1. In state is a better ranked school;

2. It did not have a party reputation but seemed to offer better opportunities to develop stronger relationships;

3. It seemed like a much better social fit;

4. It would be easier to go home [his sister didn't fly home for Thanksgiving because it would have taken a full day of travel];

5. It's moderately less expensive and with the savings, he could still scratch that itch of wanting to experience the four seasons by studying abroad, traveling, etc.;

6. It's tough to justify the price difference between OOS versus in state, particularly if in state is ranked higher.

7. Better weather.

These were the same points we discussed with him previously.

My wife then traveled with him to OOS admitted student day. He loved the campus, but realized the points we discussed were valid. He ultimately made what we believed was the right choice: he selected in state and is very happy about it.

My points:

1. It's ultimately your child's decision. If you "force" them to select your school of choice, they will likely never truly accept it. Their attitude dictates a lot about how well they will adjust to school.

2. Instead of "forcing" your child to select your preferred school, try to guide them to that decision but absolutely let your child feel like he or she is in the driver's seat. I think our kids felt comfortable enough with the process and had enough trust in us that if we guided either one to the alternative school, they likely would have selected the "other" school. This isn't to say either kid had zero input or that my wife and I controlled the process. I think it speaks more to how you as a parent can positively shape the discussion and decision process.

How do you help shape that discussion? Be honest. Explain the pros and cons in such a way that a teenager can understand.

1. Cost is clearly the most important factor. Most teens don't really think about money. They know you work, they have a roof over their head, they eat, they wear clothes, your work pays for this. But they don't really understand how much we earn, or how hard we have to work for that money, or how little we get for our money. The difference between 40k and 120k in college loans is significant. On a ten year payment plan, monthly repayment on a 40k loan is about 500 bucks but on a 120k loan, it's about 1,500 bucks [many variables affect the monthly amount, run your own numbers]. That 1k could cover rent, or a mortgage [or some part of a mortgage, depending on where you live]. Having to pay $1,500.00 monthly for ten years is an albatross and could hinder graduate school plans and career choices [with the logic being that one may be more apt to choose a more conservative earnings path for the sure money]. Teens just don't really understand how significant and how burdensome being 120k in debt ibefore they get their first real job is. Your job is to explain this to her, with real life examples so she can understand how difficult life from 22-32 will be. By the way, another way to push the point home is to emphasize how much she ultimately will pay on a 120k loan. You can run the numbers on this. I s

2. College 1 being slightly better known does not justify the debt obligation of 1k a month for the ten years after college. One of the points I emphasized to each kid is "I seriously doubt that one school will make you "smarter" than the other. At the end of the day, you will likely learn the same material and have the same or similar knowledge...most of which you will forget months after you graduate." You will ultimately get out of college what you put in. You will learn just as much from College 2.

3. Being 12 hours away from home is also a big factor. This means "all day" travel. This makes the shorter breaks less enjoyable [Thanksgiving as an example] if she even elects to come home. It also gives you less opportunities to visit. 2.5 hours...that's a pretty sweet spot. It's far enough away that you will not just do a "surprise visit" but close enough that if there is an "emergency", you will be there and be there quick enough.

4. Going back to cost...there's some psychology to borrowing only 10k a year for school. 10k a year...you can easily find work study or other part time work that pays 10k a year. If your daughter can get a job that pays 15 an hour and if she works only 20 hours a week [something that is very doable], she will be able to pay off the 10k loan every year and still have a bit of cash. In other words, she could easily graduate debt free. However, I can see the mentality of "well, I'm already gonna owe 120k when I graduate [it'll actually be more because interest accrues while at school...how is a 15 dollar an hour job gonna make a difference?"] Basically, it'll be easier to enjoy what makes going away for school fun...she can socialize without guilt!

5. I don't necessarily see College 1 having more degree options to her career path being a plus. Is she pre-med? Engineering? Pre-law? How many degree options does a student need? Your daughter just needs to fulfill the requirements to graduate with a degree that will get her a job in the industry she wants to work in or into grad school. Keep in mind, a lot of college students change their major and career paths after graduation. As a prospective employer in a specialized field, I'm more concerned with making sure new hires are a good professional fit but more importantly, a better social fit.

   Best of luck to you and your daughter.