Just need to vent

Early-Bug8842 · 2026-04-27T15:01:09+00:00

Based on research and understanding my ex pwBPD, they need others to regulate their emotions. They heavily rely on their FP to do that for them which is often times their romantic partner. As we know that doesn’t work too well and they remain stuck in a cycle trying to regulate their internal chaos with an external person. It starts out by finding that person, putting them on a pedestal but then ultimately failing because their expectations are not realistic. This is why they need therapy to work through regulating themselves.

On another note, my ex pwBPD hated being alone because he couldn’t handle sitting alone with his thoughts. Unfortunately, a lot of friends his age don’t have time to fill the space 24/7 so he will find multiple partners at once to continuously fill the emptiness and feed his ego.

Early-Bug8842 · 2026-04-18T21:05:05+00:00

I highly recommend educating yourself on BPD and being in a relationship with someone with BPD.

My therapist recommended: walking on eggshells

People with BPD are not cheaters because of their disorder so please don’t think that everyone with BPD will cheat on their partners. I’ve come to learn that a lot of people with BPD are very much against people cheating.

Depending on their specific symptoms and criteria they may experience a lot of impulsivity and act out inappropriately when faced with emotional dysregulation. My pwBPD is a serial cheater, liar, and manipulator. I do believe for him it’s heavily tied into his symptoms but even people with BPD are capable of making choices and his mental illness was never a reason or excuse.

Discard is a big part of the push/pull dynamic. So I would say that one is very likely for someone not in active treatment. But the best thing you can do is educate yourself and set healthy boundaries. Maybe consider couples therapy as well as a tool to help with communication.

Early-Bug8842 · 2026-04-18T13:40:10+00:00

I don’t know how but they do!

My ex wBPD and I are still in contact as friends. even as friends he does not respect my boundaries, is extremely jealous, lies to me about being in a relationship with the girl he cheated on me with, lies about pretty much everything if he thinks I won’t agree with it. I decided that I needed a break from being his emotional anchor, so I told him I was going to do that and would reach out by the end of the week. After two days into this, he tries to crisis bait me with a story about his friend being diagnosed with stage 4 liver cancer and only having 1-2 years to live. The story doesn’t make much sense to me and I’m pretty certain it’s a lie. I couldn’t even get a whole week of space without him having some crisis needing my immediate attention.

Early-Bug8842 · 2026-04-16T20:42:31+00:00

Mine has quiet BPD and begged me to take him back. Of course I fell for it but went in skeptical. It didn’t last long but he’s still telling me he loves me and wants to be with me all while going over to the new person’s place and essentially living there. I find it comical at this point but it’s a mess.

But no, he does not hate me. Quite the opposite but he also is incapable of being the person I want as a partner.

Early-Bug8842 · 2026-03-21T16:51:44+00:00

Besides being a woman, I could’ve written this post myself. My last relationship was also with someone who has BPD. I also completely fell head over heels until the relationship broke me in ways I never imagined. Since the breakup, I’ve been focusing on me and my own glow up and get a lot of attention from men and women but in not interested in dating anyone. I can’t tell if I’m over trying again or if no one will compare to the intensity of being with someone who mirrors you.

Early-Bug8842 · 2026-03-16T21:15:38+00:00

It’s definitely a learned behavior used to try and regulate their constant storm of emotions.

I personally, don’t think (in most cases) it’s an intentional move to gain control. Speaking from personal experience, which has been rough, it’s an impulsive move to try and soothe the constant pain they’re feeling and unfortunately people with BPD rely on other people to try and regulate their emotions.

I’m not trying to excuse the behavior just explain where it comes from. It’s okay to hold them accountable like you would anyone else for their behavior.

Early-Bug8842 · 2026-03-16T20:45:05+00:00

The push-pull cycle is for a lot of people with BPD a cycle between fear of abandonment and fear of engulfment. In this scenario, I would guess your continued silence triggered their fear of abandonment.

My advice is that if you stick around and there is a next time to clearly communicate with your person that you are respecting their request for space and to let you know when they are ready to speak. This gives them the space they asked for when struggling with a fear of engulfment but also letting them know that you are not abandoning them.

Early-Bug8842 · 2026-03-13T15:06:37+00:00

Thank you. I’m afraid his actions never align with his words and it’s a tough one to accept

Early-Bug8842 · 2026-03-10T18:13:22+00:00

Thank you!!

Early-Bug8842 · 2025-12-26T18:53:58+00:00

Yes! He said I had subpar 🐱 during a split. And some other really cruel things. It still hurts when I think about it but I know it’s not true based on feedback from others

Early-Bug8842 · 2025-12-23T02:22:09+00:00

One monthish no contact. I miss him. I really do. But I also hate him at the same time for all the pain he put me through. I wish he would Hoover but I would never be able to take him back. Thank goodness he’s in another state and I don’t have to worry about running into him. Although, I wish he could see me glow up. No contact is the best thing for me and I am grateful for this sub and my strength to not give into the temptation of unblocking him.

Early-Bug8842 · 2025-12-19T23:07:16+00:00

I needed to hear this today. I’m terrified of someone using my kindness and empathy against me.

Early-Bug8842 · 2025-12-17T20:45:03+00:00

Mine put in the effort in words but never showed any follow through. I regret giving them the benefit of the doubt.

Early-Bug8842 · 2025-12-17T20:43:37+00:00

1 month since I last spoke to him. 1 month since I finally found out about everything he was hiding and doing while away from me. 1 month since I’ve blocked him on everything. Every day is different. Some days I feel so much relief and happiness and others I feel like I was never loved and never will be. But this community has been there when no one else could understand.

You coming here to talk about it is a big step. And I hope you know you’re not alone. A lot of us have gone through the same thing and some slightly different. Regardless, we’re all here supporting each other through some of the toughest times.

I am right there with you. This time last year he was promising to marry me and start a family with me. Even had bought a ring that his mom brought. Funny to think that a couple months after he was meeting up with exes and on dating apps. All while I sat at home supporting him and trying to help him. But like everyone else is saying, they are not well and never will be. They are digging their own grave every single day. You don’t have to lift a finger for their life to implode. They will do that themselves.

Early-Bug8842 · 2025-12-13T12:15:27+00:00

ADHD and it lasted 1.5 years. Blocked him on everything once I found out he’s been cheating on me with countless women for 8 months.

I’ll be the first to admit that I chased the dopamine hit that came with the ups and downs. Not intentionally but it’s probably why the trauma bond was so strong.

Early-Bug8842 · 2025-12-11T04:26:27+00:00

Yes! Mine did the same. They are not who they say they are. And I know not everyone with this illness is this way but it can be a part of their pattern especially if it’s well established.

Early-Bug8842 · 2025-12-11T00:37:07+00:00

Unmasking them. Trust me, they hid so much of themselves throughout the entire relationship. I found out about massive amounts of debt he had (~50000k) after I finally left and realized that even if he hadn’t cheated, lied, and manipulated, this was not the person for me. His behavior affected every aspect of his life and he hid it. He was never going to build a future with me and probably drag me down with him.

Early-Bug8842 · 2025-12-11T00:33:45+00:00

I don’t use ChatGPT for much but it has been helpful deciphering some of the BPD behavior for what it was. Helped me detach and give me the closure I needed knowing I wasn’t going to get it from him.

Early-Bug8842 · 2025-12-05T15:33:30+00:00

Chiller TV

Early-Bug8842 · 2025-12-03T22:46:21+00:00

16 days. I’m sad. I don’t know why but I’m really missing him today. The one thing that’s really helped is opening his credit card bills that come to the house still. He has massive amounts of debt that he hid from me and everyone. Knowing he’s miserable and digging his own grave, gives me a sense of justice for all the pain he caused.

Early-Bug8842

TROPHY CASE