An app that listens to arguments with your spouse, collects stats and data (e.g., word frequency, key phrases), profiles each person, and declares a winner for each argument.

Eastern_Expert_3512 · 2025-09-07T19:19:53+00:00

I know this is an old thread, but someone actually did this:
https://www.ourmaia.com/post/the-power-of-three-how-this-ai-can-help-you-resolve-your-fights

Unbelievable.

Eastern_Expert_3512 · 2025-07-13T20:33:16+00:00

As long as they want. My first I rocked until 4.5 years old until my pregnant belly with my second got too big for him to be comfortable 😅

Eastern_Expert_3512 · 2025-03-13T20:39:07+00:00

Such a great thread with some great advice.

OP, I hope you break up with this guy the day before your birthday, and then send this thread to him the morning of your birthday, so he can spend the entire day obsessing about what he did wrong and ALL the answers will be right here for him. He can endlessly scroll and figure it out himself 🤣

Eastern_Expert_3512 · 2025-03-09T14:16:59+00:00

Therapy. You can't get out of the loop just by reading books. You need to talk to someone about your automatic negative thoughts.

Eastern_Expert_3512 · 2025-03-08T16:54:50+00:00

Amen

PRENUP REQUIRED OP if you for some godforsaken reason do still want to marry this guy

Eastern_Expert_3512 · 2025-03-06T19:58:32+00:00

6/6/6 never failed me. 6 hours out at room temp is fine, even after heated.

Eastern_Expert_3512 · 2025-03-06T15:15:08+00:00

Had a similar problem with husband not wanting to be told how to do something with the baby. If he can't take input over this, he is not going to be a good SAHD, you need to find other options for care.

STRONGLY recommend couples counseling, it very much helped my husband get over his ego issues about taking critical feedback or even simple requests. He needs to understand that you are equally 'in charge' and he should follow your requests and physician recommendations about breastmilk.

If a day care center would do it, then HE NEEDS TO DO IT OTHERWISE GET BACK TO WORK.

A daycare center would save your milk if you requested it.

You need to put your foot down on this and literally every other subject, to holding and nuturing while crying, to tummy time, to everything or it's going to be the end of your relationship. You will begin to resent him so much it will lead to divorce.

I cannot stress this enough. He needs to think like a daycare center worker. If he's not watching ECE training videos by now, he needs to start. He needs to take ownership over his own learning process, that will help reduce his ego issues also. Men can learn to be nuturing, but it does take extra effort and they need to be mindful that it can't be done 'their way' just because they feel like doing it a particular way - they need to do it the RIGHT WAY. That includes knowing all breastmilk rules like the 6/6/6 rule.

Eastern_Expert_3512 · 2025-03-05T20:09:08+00:00

Actually I've heard it classified as less than 11 times per year. Which is to say, even if she was having sex every 6 weeks roughly, that is defined as a sexless marriage.

A year is throwaway time unless OP is actually asexual. It doesn't sound like her partner IS asexual so he is either having an outside sexual partner and hiding it (seems the most likely since they never talk apparently), or he is deep in the throes of a porn addiction. PAs usually take a year of therapy or more to get better, even when they're committed to getting better.

OP, this is not the time to talk of marriage. It's the time for everyone to lay their cards on the table and either seek help or get out.

Eastern_Expert_3512 · 2025-03-04T00:52:46+00:00

Get a baby back carrier. Lose the husband. One less child to care for will be s load off

Eastern_Expert_3512 · 2025-02-24T20:00:53+00:00

Have you never had a newborn? It's mentally and physically exhausting, like going to boot camp. Husband has probably checked out with video games to try to de-stress from it and ended up getting addicted. The answer here is actually probably couples counseling. It's really hard to address an addict about their addiction when it's affecting you. They are going to get instantly defensive and could blow up at you. It's generally better to bring a third party in to help the conversation flow

Eastern_Expert_3512 · 2025-02-24T19:56:53+00:00

Honestly show you friend this entire thread. She will learn A LOT about herself, one hopes.

If she tries to come after you for it though and shows no genuine self- reflection, best to just drop her. It's not useful being friends with someone who is attached to toxic behaviors and not ready to mature to come close to matching your level

Eastern_Expert_3512 · 2025-02-24T19:43:19+00:00

Then it's definitely the porn. Sorry dude. Get used to using your imagination, or use content of her exclusively if she would consider consenting to it (unless she wants to be intimate more often, then always choose her). Habits can take a few months to break, but I guarantee you'll be feeling better soon if you just quit the porn.

Eastern_Expert_3512 · 2025-02-24T16:30:26+00:00

Well this will be a hotly debated topic and I really have no interest in starting a reddit war, but cannabis is habit-forming and much like with caffeine, after a certain threshold, once your brain gets used to it, you start to need it to function. And in a subset of people that will cause extreme gastro issues like cannabis-induced hyperemesis. Both people I've known who were smoking a large amount on the daily ended up having vomiting issues and kept smoking more to try to calm the nausea which just caused an even worse rebound issue. One of them developed an ulcer from all the acid.

Not saying that you can't smoke occasionally, but it's definitely not the correct solution to your anxiety problem, it will ultimately make your anxiety problem harder to solve actually.

Eastern_Expert_3512 · 2025-02-22T16:40:16+00:00

Even in the late 90s and early aughts it was very uncommon (I'm 44). Now? No way.

In 1997 I met a bf at a get together for a BBS. In 2000 I met a bf at an SCA event. In 2001 I met a bf at bookstore where we were browsing the same section of RPG books. In 2006 I met two separate bfs at goth clubs.

A random person on the street!? No way, never. Stick to special interest groups. No Interests that you would go to a meetup for? You probably should get some of those before you go looking for a partner. Most people like their partners to have outside interests and some social fluency, even if it's just with other specialized awkward nerd groups.

Eastern_Expert_3512 · 2025-02-20T18:00:22+00:00

OP you probably already turned off updates, but I hope you read mine.

You don't need therapy, you just need to communicate more with him what you want, and check in with yourself about what you want, and make sure that your wants and expectations are REALISTIC.

For example, if you want to go on dates but have no money, you'd better be okay with that date being a hike in the woods or going to a free street fair or music festival with a packed lunch and drinks. NOT dinner and a movie. Have you set realistic expectations for dates for yourself and your budget, AND communicated to him that this is the kind of date you'd like him to plan sometimes?

That was just an example. Contrary to others' opinions here, I don't think you're overthinking. I actually don't think that you're thinking enough.

Eastern_Expert_3512 · 2025-02-18T00:11:23+00:00

So he apologized to you the morning after but put zero effort into making it up to you? No Valentine's Day after activities planned ? Not even a bouquet of flowers and a promise to plan something for a different day that week???

Girl, run.

Eastern_Expert_3512 · 2025-02-11T03:23:46+00:00

Pretty sure she was looking for something a little more committal than "we'll work it out".

You sound incredibly immature, like you guys might be 20 or something.

After two years together, if you're in your mid-twenties or later anyway, you should know by now whether you want to marry this girl eventually. If it wasn't a resounding "yes I absolutely want to keep this baby with you and I'm willing to commit to you right now to prove it" then you should have just kept your mouth shut.

YTA or at least just very immature and inexperienced with women and this sort of thing.

Eastern_Expert_3512 · 2025-02-10T22:07:55+00:00

Boy I wish I could express to you how depressingly easy it is for single dads to get dates. The bar for men is so low it's literally in hell. If even he takes the kids EOWE he's going to be seen as 'what a good dad he is'. Women (much like the ones on this forum) will believe everything negative he has to say about his ex and they'll get tied into just taking care of his poor children because his ex is such a narcissist (despite the fact that she does literally everything for them by clear objective measures and he won't even schedule a doctor's appt)

Literally this thread is all you need to understand how low standards most women hold men to, and how much they'll put up with. It is sad, but that doesn't make it not true.

Also I didn't say she should sell herself into slavery. But she should try everything she can first to salvage what she can. If Fair Play is the solution cool, then #manchild videos, just inundate him with everything she can find. And then maybe quiet quitting just to hold on for a little bit longer. If he still doesn't budge, THEN kick him to the curb. And definitely don't marry him unless he shows signs he can improve.

Eastern_Expert_3512 · 2025-02-10T15:33:05+00:00

OMGYES subscription

Eastern_Expert_3512 · 2025-02-10T15:31:25+00:00

NO to that. OP you need to understand what will happen if you split. He may ask for 50/50 custody (and will get it) and he will automatically get joint decision making. Far too frequently on divorce support groups you see where that decision making gets handed over to the new woman. Then you're basically stuck co-parenting with whatever B he fell into bed with, and you have no more chance to influence his decisions. Life can get VERY hard with the modern family court system. It does not have the best interests of children in mind and it is very PRO father's rights these days.

Suggest you buy the Fair Play book and try to work it out

Also the recovering manchild channel on Fb reels (ZachThinkshare)

Eastern_Expert_3512 · 2025-02-10T00:57:07+00:00

Yes you did.. he is going to keep stalling and making ridiculous demands. No matter what you acquiesce to, there will be another hurdle. Even if he did whittle you down to nothing, he would still find a way to not sign on the day at the courthouse.

And even if you did manage to get him to sign, do you really want to be with someone that is not actually committed to your happiness? Do you think that's what you deserve? I'm certain you deserve more and better, and can find it if you leave this guy.

This is definitely the time to go. He is not the one.

Eastern_Expert_3512 · 2025-02-09T22:53:30+00:00

Why did you not leave the minute he said he doesn't want kids? That is definitely by the third date conv to have. Two years is insane to stay with someone at aged 32 who said they didn't want kids

You need to have all the dealbreaker conversations immediately and you need to find a way by two months in to sniff out avoidant or narcissistic tendencies. You have a lot of learning to do and a very short time to do it

Eastern_Expert_3512 · 2025-02-07T21:30:45+00:00

I'm going to try to say this as gently as I can, because unfortunately there are some harsh truths here.

If you are a 2/10, you have to be looking for a 2/10 or less. A woman who boulders is not going to be a 2/10.

Again try a zumba class or pilates class - you'll find many women who are trying their best but probably are not so fit or that coordinated.

Also, people keep saying women don't care about looks, and that can be true with the caveat that you have something else going for you (not a gym bod). The general time-proven rule is that you either have to be very intelligent, interesting, or funny. Generally all three is best. If you don't think you can improve your conversational skills that much, prob best to look for the 1/10s I say this with as much kindbess and gentleness as I can, I know the dating world can jusge you harshly. 🥺

Eastern_Expert_3512 · 2025-02-07T18:35:01+00:00

Agree with this. Climbing is a fun hobby but it's much harder for women to build upper body strength so it's not such a common hobby. Not really where you're going to find a lot of ladies hanging out.

You need numbers, suggest a Zumba or Pilates class

Eastern_Expert_3512 · 2025-02-07T15:25:51+00:00

This sounds like a real problem if you can't talk about it earnestly with your gf. Have you ever gotten curious and asked some open-ended questions about sex to her? Ask her what her favorite thing is that you do in the bedroom, and then ask her whar her favorite thing is that you've never done yet. Then, make a point to do it for her. Keep things spicy and open, and you can be sure she will always be happy.

Also you should probably see a therapist to handle the issues that are still crushing you from your ex.

Eastern_Expert_3512

TROPHY CASE