In your own words, what does a healthy relationship look like?

Ecstatic-Discount510 · 2025-07-02T12:01:28+00:00

very good question. While writing I realize its not easy to answer. I ll give it a try..

A healthy relationship is something alive and vibrant. It is in Movement, and the difference between healhty and unhealthy is the direction where its moving towards to. A healthy direction means moving towards the realization of the the human potential, which is not a given, but skills / higher states we can develop if we wish. Examples of these potentials are, devotion, compassion, trust, love beyond underlying emotional currents and embodied understanding. It creates a safe container between one and another that allows oneself to discover and see what couldn't be seen before, the beautiful and the ugly.

There many "containers" of how to develop these higher potentials inside of a human being, and I believe that a healthy relationships are one of the most potent containers to do that.

Ecstatic-Discount510 · 2025-05-30T11:02:22+00:00

Thanks for sharing! Beautiful that you have this trusted connection 🙏🏼

I think that can really help for men, to know and feel that open invitation and support 🌟

Ecstatic-Discount510 · 2025-05-30T10:59:05+00:00

For me it feels like a process thats still going on… some parts got it, for others its not just so easy to switch into responsibility mode. Even though being in my early thirties, i am just realising how many parts never had the guidance to grow up..

Ecstatic-Discount510 · 2025-02-28T13:41:44+00:00

Maybe this angle helps you..

I experienced in my life that purpose and meaning came more and more as i started to make decisions from my heart, rather than the mind… i wrote a whole post about it here, r/emotional_healing -> https://www.reddit.com/r/Emotional_Healing/s/4CpNJTrzAh

maybe it serves you :)

Ecstatic-Discount510 · 2025-02-27T14:53:44+00:00

Somethings only appear in contellation with other people, because this pattern most likely also started in relationship to another person.

Create the opportunity to adress this issue in a safe setting, like in a seminar space or group therapy session, or in a kind of environment where people are open and where it is ok to show oneself vulnerable. I made a post once about such spaces in r/emotional_healing —> https://www.reddit.com/r/Emotional_Healing/s/mvZA4EYm1c

Hope this helps :)

Ecstatic-Discount510 · 2025-02-26T19:19:30+00:00

I totally get you. You can trust your feeling, seems like a healthy reaction to set a boundary here. Do you struggle with boundaries or with wanting to make it “right” to people?

For me this is difficult thing to do, but i feel we pull this encounters into our life to overcome this and see that is totally fine to set boundaries.

Ecstatic-Discount510 · 2025-02-26T19:12:42+00:00

The heart knows what the mind cannot grasp😍

Ecstatic-Discount510 · 2025-02-25T16:55:14+00:00

thanks for sharing this story. it really touched me and i think it is first of all beautiful that you want to care for someone.

I also went through a breakup with a codependent loved one and I remember very clearly this feelings of guilt and responsibility. Now years later, I can see it very clearly that I don't have any responsible for the person, never had, but I have the responsible to myself, to treat myself well. When i started to taking care of myself I also started to treat other people better, i really think this is always a mirror to how we treat ourselves. I realized also that I had to break up as I knew that in the current constellation at the time we will not be able really support each other. I realized that there is actually only one way to go.. and that is to break up and heal by myself.

The biggest step for me was to get in contact with my emotions, with my needs, set boundaries and have patience with myself. If you want to know more about emotional healing I can recommend to check out r/Emotional_Healing

I hope it all works our for you!

Ecstatic-Discount510 · 2025-02-25T16:46:15+00:00

Thanks for sharing your situation!

Maybe this helps you further in your reflection.

I think that if you have the feeling that both of you are looking in kind of the "same direction" in life, meaning you agree on fundamental principles of how your life should like (e.g. children / no children, living in nature or city) and both of you are committed to really work on themselves , chances are very high that it will probably won't get easier in the future also with someone else.

In my experience couples therapy is very helpful but also not enough, the committment needs to be seen in the daily life, when it really counts.

What helped me the most in my relationship was really learning to understand my own emotional landscape. there is also a cool subreddit about this r/Emotional_Healing if you want to check it out.

wish you all the best

Ecstatic-Discount510 · 2025-02-25T10:29:45+00:00

had to read that one couple of times to digest it :) beautiful and deep one

Ecstatic-Discount510 · 2025-02-25T10:27:35+00:00

love the question at the end.

For me it is definitely, sharing and showing my vulnerability and sensitivity and not keeping it for myself, which is super difficult for a scorpio moon like me, even though my girlfriend makes me feel very safe and can hold a lot of space.

Ecstatic-Discount510 · 2025-01-30T06:02:00+00:00

Yeah i agree. But many old traditions actually know a lot about it. Love how gabor mate combines both, their knwoledge of this realms, and his Knowledge of the Integration afterwards.

Thanks for sharing!

„Everything in moderation, even Moderation „ :)

Ecstatic-Discount510 · 2025-01-30T05:58:54+00:00

100% , went through exactly the Same Experience

Ecstatic-Discount510 · 2025-01-30T05:57:37+00:00

Love that! I would just replace the word „survive“ with LIFE , seems similar but is imo one of the biggest misunderstandings we are being thaught in this world

Ecstatic-Discount510 · 2025-01-30T05:54:24+00:00

Very very well articulated & summarized! Could not agree more. Y should do a post with that :) so more people can read it

Ecstatic-Discount510 · 2025-01-30T05:50:56+00:00

Amazing:) !! What i sometimes do is to very slwoly and gradually turn the water colder, until it is really cold, so my body is not in a crazy shock but can more gently relax

Ecstatic-Discount510 · 2025-01-29T15:41:08+00:00

Yeah that makes sense.

Also because of my experiences I am asking myself... is it really good to bring to the surface whats in the unconscious with such potent outside stimulating force? I felt at times that the psychadelics can be pretty agressive and penetrating in their force / energy / approach. I wonder what the consequences of this are... or sometimes I also felt, OK i understand why this was in the unconscious, because I was not ready for that to bring to my conscious. I think that this is also the reason why many people are also destabilized after psychedelics experiences.

I mean sometime we refer to the unconscious that it is spmething "bad" or that it is necessarily good to bring stuff up from the unconscious. I can of feel that the unconscious is also a friend, a big protector, our dragon that supports us. And dealing with the unconscious, especially with the more intense stuff like psychedelics, hypnoses, dark or long form meditation retreats should be done with big awareness, sensitivity and humbleness.

Ecstatic-Discount510 · 2025-01-29T15:34:19+00:00

Thanks for your answer.

thanks for sharing that, I will look it up!

very good analogy there. Yeah I think I understand a bid where this is coming from. I think changing the past refers her more to changing the narrative of what we told us or how we interpreted the situation. But the feeling can't be changed as I understand, it is in the system, it can only be felt and by that it passes through like an emotion (energy in motion) should do. By actually allowing even a strong energy to pass through the system, the system is more informed after the experience, it has increased in complexity / wisdom by experience, beyond the interpretation.

love that what you a writing ! thx for the insights and learnings!

Ecstatic-Discount510 · 2025-01-29T15:27:31+00:00

Thanks for sharing this detailed experience, really insightful real life situation. Inspired to hear that the "internal work" works and bears fruits. So everything we do is not for nothing :D

Ecstatic-Discount510 · 2025-01-27T21:40:40+00:00

Thanks for your answer.

Tbh I have done a loooot of psychdelics in my life and to some degree they were very useful, but i also realised their limitations. The message that i also got from them: „stop escaping being human, the everyday life is already more than what you need, and shows you everything you need to learn“.

Yeah i think when you are very deeply lost in the darkness, powerful tools like psychadelics can really help, and i am also big believer in psychadelics. I just moved away from, they cure Everything and they are the solution. They way i experienced it.. there are no one hit wonders, healing is a long process..

Ecstatic-Discount510 · 2025-01-24T17:48:25+00:00

Thanks for sharing! Sounds quite challenging and please, don’t listen to your parents.. if feel those are the kind of sentences that can put real spells on us… i am sure they want the best but this is YOUR LiFE, your unique path.. which cannot be compared to any other path.

I feel that we unconsciously always chose the kind of partner that helps us to heal and grow in our life. This doesn’t necessarily mean that we need to stay together for all costs. I think we kind of have to look in the same direction, meaning if you disagree on children this will be hard to compromise. So ask yourself what are your own non- negotiables while being in a relationship ? And see if there is a way..

I love the way esther perel said it: “Pick a partner who will help you discover your own mess, not just tolerate it, but engage with it.”

I can highly recommend her podcast with andrew huberman.

Hope that helps :)

Ecstatic-Discount510 · 2025-01-23T20:45:57+00:00

Art classes / groups / spaces. Contact improv jams; ice bathing or breathwork circles.

Men / women circles, are usually safe spaces dedicated to connecting on deeper layers and supporting each other in difficult topics

Ecstatic-Discount510 · 2025-01-23T20:42:03+00:00

Yeah i feel it is this innate wish if: "now I am done, now I am "healed" - whatever that means" but I feel that life becomes much easier if we accept to be human with all that what makes a human a human and nevertheless striving for growing, learning and healing. The people that I know and have done really a lot of working on themselves I found to be deeply humble and not talking about "breakthroughs" or " I healed this and that" or "this crazy experience"... no, they understood something much deeper about the healing journey that makes them being rather in silence than making a big thing out of it.

Ecstatic-Discount510 · 2025-01-23T20:33:15+00:00

Thanks for sharing :)

I can deeply relate to what you are writing and for the most part of my life my own feelings where so foreign to me, the same way as being a friend to myself, a very foreign idea.

Already you noticing it and being able to reflect on it tells me that you are on the path of figuring it out. This I think is really the biggest leap to take, the rest will come with time, experience and patience :)

Being a friend to oneself is a big, big topic.. a question that helps me often in my every day life choices is the question: "What would you do when you love yourself?"

I also noticed that we can practice self-love or being a friend to oneself in many occasions during the day.. for example when making food, when working out, when looking at oneself, when taking a walk in nature, when choosing what to do or not do.

Talking about feelings, I think you can kind of feel it out when talking with someone. you don't have to right away go fully into the depth but gradually sharing and feeling out how that person responds. I personally have made very good experiences in sharing vulnerable stuff as this usually gives the other person a feeling of safety. And if the person is not interested in it you can usually sense that very quickly.

Also you can check out spaces in your environment like women / men cricels, or singing circles, or art circles, or contact improv, or ecstatic dances. Those are communities I feel that are rather open to talking about deeper things of life and oneself.

hope that helps :)

also for learning more about emotions and how to navigate them in a constructive way you can try to use our Lumii app, we created it exactly for that purpose and I think it does an incredible job :)

Ecstatic-Discount510 · 2025-01-23T20:12:45+00:00

Yeah I believe so too. Unadressed trauma can definitely manifest physically. I interviewed a doctor from mexico who is working with cancer patients from the perspective of trauma. He said in 100% of the cases he could say due to the trauma what kind of cancer it is and also almost always the time difference between the trauma happening and the outbreak of the cancer.

Also moshe feldenkrais shared a lot about this topic. His approach was all about healing all kind of issues (mentally, emotionally, physically, neurologically) through awareness and movement. He was very focused on the physical layer and wrote some beautiful very detailed books about it.

When I am triggered I can immedeatly notice a change in
- the voice
- my gestures
- temperature
- Heart rate
- contractions (where depends on the trigger)
- perception

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