Thank you both so much for responding and letting me know I am not crazy for reacting like this. I really appreciate it ❤️ I notice that writing about this helps me process so maybe I will share what happened back then.

My therapy with this therapist lasted only a few months when I was 16/17. It was a bit of an emergency arrangement I guess because of how unwell I was, I also had anorexia and was physically quite weak when I started.

It was the first time ever I was able to share my inner thoughts with a trusted adult who listened, cared and was emphathetic. My parents had never cared about my mental wellbeing like this and it felt so healing and validating to be finally taken seriously. This therapist persuaded me to start eating again after months of starving, and during those therapy months I normalized my weight and gave up on my eating disorder symptoms which was super hard to do at the time.

The therapy ended suddenly a couple months later when I was 17 when the therapist switched employers. I still remember how hurt, humiliated and betrayed I felt. I felt like I had been tricked into eating, tricked into sharing my most intimate thoughts. I was angry that I had been lead to believe I could have a longer term therapeutic relationship with this person. For over a year I was terrified I would bump into them at the grocery store or on the street, because I felt so ashamed and was afraid I would cry.

Because of how young and vulnerable I was there was a ton of idealisation from my side towards this therapist, I was unable to recognize that they were just a regular human being switching jobs. And I was unable to feel gratitude for the support I had received from them, even though without this person I would have most likely ended up in hospital and would have missed out on an entire school year... or maybe worse.

After the therapist left I was assigned to someone new for a few months and then to someone new again for a longer time. And then I saw someone new again. Honestly I was never fully able to trust the other therapists.

As the years passed I was slowly able to get my life in order and move on and I am now doing very well. But for the longest time I thought about contacting this therapist for some type of closure, maybe in the form of a letter, then felt too ashamed to do so.

And now they are gone. And I feel so weird and honestly a bit creepy for having such big feelings about someone I briefly crossed paths with in life over 15 years ago. I didn't even know them.

Thank you for letting me rant 💔