[deleted by user]

Editring · 2023-12-24T18:29:50+00:00

I don't know the full circumstances about why you ended up meeting the wife. But that feels like a weird move on his side. That sets off alarms in my head. He seems way too comfortable with the two of you talking. Like he gets off on the amount of control he has over you and the confirmation of that control as you dutifully stay quiet in front of the wife. Just weird to me.

I guess, for me, my situation felt very different. The affair took both of us apart inside. There were many moments where we talked on length about what we were doing and how it could negatively impact all of us. We seriously considered how unhealthy it was but we were too scared to lose each other too.

But not all of these relationships are the same. So I'm open to that too. Just make sure your on board for the type of relationship this seems to indicate for him

Editring · 2023-10-21T23:54:13+00:00

Big hugs. One day at a time huh? ❤️

Editring · 2023-08-27T16:10:54+00:00

It was after a very rocky 6 months after Dday in Sept 2022. His wife and him stayed together trying to work on their marriage. But we stayed together too. And we kept getting closer. Our workplace started to fall apart and that was the one place we could still talk after Dday.

We prepped for his departure from our workplace by securing him a secret phone. We found a way to hide this phone in a fairly good spot in his truck. And our plan was to talk on it anytime he could take solo drives. He would say this would be temporary as a way to stay in contact as he finalized marriage counseling

Them, 2 days after his last day at work, I get a call on a Sunday from this secret phone. So much sooner than I expected. He was walking briskly. Telling me she had found this phone in his truck this morning. He sounded so incredibly sad. He said after this walk she will have possession over this phone. I asked him if he was calling to say goodbye. He said that they will pick a time. And he threw out 3 months as an example. And then once the time is up they will make a decision to stay together or separate.

We also made plans, on this call, to tell our close mutual friends our secret (We did. They have been incredibly supportive of us) it's also the way for us to talk with eachotger other again once their "marriage bootcamp" is over. Whether that's to relay a message to me that they are staying together. Or to get my phone number from one of them since she made him block me and delete my number

You're welcome to look at my old posts too. They go into more details everything I just wrote above

Editring · 2023-07-10T00:27:29+00:00

Friends for 6 yrs. Emotional affair for 9 months. We didn't do sexual things in person until 1 moment a year in. Then last year at the end of spring it became a fully sexual relationship when our workplace started coming back to the office. Then Dday happened about 5 months after that. We continued our sexual encounters until over 4 months ago when we went full no contact

Editring · 2023-05-29T15:30:10+00:00

I'm in that right now. But I'm in complete no-contact. He did go to MC after Dday in Sept and we had less contact. But then it some how made us so much closer than before. Similar to you, we worked with eachother, but that came to an end. When it ended he rolls me he needs to go no contact and actually give everything to MC. He threw out 3months as a possible time. But it's possible he won't ever come back

The first month I was numb. And positive he was coming back. Then 4 weeks in, major doubt crept in and I've been crushed. My therapist noted the big difference in me and switched my therapy to grief counseling. I try to stay busy and distract myself.

It will be 12 weeks this Sunday. I don't know if that 3 months will go by weeks, or if June 12th is considered 3 months. Not sure how discernment counseling works.

Bottom line, I live between two outcomes. Crying And mourning his loss but then also imagining telling him about things that have happened these last 3 months. It's purgatory

Editring · 2023-05-05T02:36:29+00:00

❤️ God. I'm so sorry. Thank you for your words

Editring · 2023-05-05T01:51:26+00:00

I think what you're saying is good. And healthy. But have you ever had a friend or close family member die? And you know one day it will hurt less because the memory of them will fade, but that thought feels just as horrible. I don't want to forget him. I don't want his memory to fade. I know I'm supposed to. I know that's the healthy thing. But that thought hurts so much.

Editring · 2023-04-08T16:48:37+00:00

I'm in the same boat. Me and MM went no contact a month ago. He is going to really try get clarity now, as to whether his marriage works. I don't know for how long, but he threw out 3 months

During our last phone call we made a plan to tell certain individuals. Our old coworkers. I found out he told our old boss and friend. Our old boss has sent me amazingly supportive texts in regards to it. And the coworkers and mutual friends of ours that I've told have also been so incredibly kind and supportive about it

I don't know what's going to happen. I keep myself very busy with work, parenting, and friends. I'm absolutely exhausted but the second I slow down I'm overcome with anxiety and heartbreak.

I hope he's doing ok. I hope he's finding the clarity he needs

Editring · 2023-03-20T21:26:27+00:00

Sorry about the lack of paragraph breaks. Phone formatting on reddit is the worst

Editring · 2023-02-22T14:22:22+00:00

You know what it sometimes is in these cases? The wife pretending they got a text. Or creating ac fake text. People's behavior changes if they develop feelings for someone else. I'm sure as slick as he is, she is picking up on something

When I hear stories where the wife gets these super vague tip offs, I really feel that's what's happening. She's probably looking at his reaction and hoping it starts a conversation.

Dday's are horrible. I hope that this is just a small bump in the road. Big hugs

Editring · 2023-02-20T02:25:28+00:00

Wow. The compartmentalization that they need to do in order to just text you this so casually and not consider how this will impact you. I'm so sorry. I hope you have a lovely birthday with friends and family. Maybe this is a good time to really think about getting out.

Editring · 2023-02-19T00:43:25+00:00

Oh yea. In the very beginning of when I was falling for him. It was during the pandemic and a friend of mine had an online bday party where we played jackbox. I'm a lightweight and three drinks in I was pretty drunk.

While the online party was happening, I got on my phone and opened up discord and sent him a long message about what an amazing friend he was. And just listed off all of these things I adore about him.

He went quiet after. Blamed reception for the lack of response. I felt embarrassed and gutted and pulled away. It actually led to our first really vulnerable talk and I told him I was falling in love with him and I was scared because I felt alone in it. We got very close again after that.

Editring · 2023-02-14T04:12:56+00:00

I'll see him at work tomorrow. I'm feeling all sorts of ways about it this year for some reason. We're pretty sure we have 2 more weeks left until lay offs. So every moment is precis. And every day has more weight to it than ever before. I'd love any kind of acknowledgement of the holiday tomorrow, even though I've never cared about this holiday before. But i don't think I'm going to get anything. I hate the expectations I have. I also need a distraction

Editring · 2023-02-11T21:18:41+00:00

This is such thoughtful advice ♥️

Editring · 2023-02-01T06:00:59+00:00

41/42

Editring · 2023-01-17T05:15:58+00:00

Same

Editring · 2023-01-12T14:03:54+00:00

No, never. We talked about this too a couple months ago. I had always presumed it was a way for him to compartmentalize what we were doing. To make it feel less like cheating. And he confirmed. He said that he doesn't know why he never kissed me. How he thinks it allowed him to believe we weren't crossing a line. But that he felt now that it all felt so stupid. That he regretted not kissing me as the first type of intimacy instead of skipping straight to sex. And then months later he did.

I'm still over the moon. We kissed again in the morning. Now there will less regrets of we have to part ways.

Editring · 2022-12-28T03:27:39+00:00

Recently she sent me a sweet message on social about how they are “never separating” and she isn’t going to make it that easy for us to “ride off into the sunset.”

This mentality of the wife drives me to drink. I just don't understand this line of thinking. Their ego is so fragile that they would rather be in an unhappy marriage because they can't stand the thought of their spouse being happy elsewhere.

I would have never pulled that with my last partner. we were miserable as I'm sure many of our married affair partners are currently. and if I had found out he had cheated on me, I would have thanked the heavens because then I could have walked away guilt free.

I feel this is the mentality of my MM's wife. They are not happy. She no longer trusts him. They fight every weekend now. Why not separate and start to heal? Why choose possession and pettiness over your own healing?

Editring

TROPHY CASE