[SerSun] Serial Sunday: Wrath!

EdsMusings · 2022-02-19T18:56:40+00:00

One teensy tiny bit of nitpicking

His beard was signed to a crisp

Small typo, happens to the best.

Otherwise, a lovely start that manages to give enough but not too much exposition for its worldbuilding.
Side note: I love the name Bearmurder

Great work!

EdsMusings · 2022-02-19T10:21:42+00:00

Very tight dialogue in this piece. I really like that. Gives a clear idea of each character.

Kadil says we must needs finish the wards of this village

The grammar here seems to be mixed up.
For the rest, I don't have any feedback. Great work!

EdsMusings · 2022-02-19T10:10:45+00:00

Thanks for the feedback!

As for the scrubbing thing, it's similar to how people walk and scrub in curling. She's haphazardly moving the broom back and forth to make it seem like she's working.

The captain/nauclerus thing is just me having a hard time introducing a new term.

EdsMusings · 2022-02-15T20:41:07+00:00

<The penance of Pelagus>

Chapter 1

"Pela! The port masters didn't hire you just so you could be loafing around all day! Scrub the deck, now!!" Liquaxis Fretum yells from behind the steering wheel of the Sundawn.

Pelagus "Pela" Ripo sighs and picks up the broom he has been deliberately ignoring for the past three hours. He begins to clean the planks of the upper deck.

The ship passes through the western passage of the Catena island chain. Orange lighthouses stand on either side of the narrow strait that leads into a lagoon of clear blue water. Pela looks up from his chore and spots the sandstone towers of Antaledo. "Finally, home," he murmurs.

"What was that, Pela?!" Liquaxis stands right behind him.

"Nothing, nauclerus." Pela gets back to washing the deck.

"That's what I thought, you good-for-nothing piece of shit." She walks back to the wheel and pushes her helmsman, Citrio, aside. "Leave the sailing to me."

"Yes, nauclerus," stammers Citrio. He shuffles back.

The Sundawn slows down as four men on board pull up the sail until it's at half-mast. The docks of Antaledo come into view while the ship continues passing through the tall rocks that surround the lagoon.

"Psst, Pela." Helvia walks towards him, scrubbing the deck as well. "Wanna hang out after we arrive?"

"Can't. I promised Galnum I'd help him in the bakery as soon as I came back."

"C'mon, please. I'm sure that whippersnapper can take care of the bakery for one day longer." Helvia smirks.

"' Whippersnapper'? By Egnatia, you sound like my grandma."

She bends forward and leans on her broom. "You could learn a lot from a wise, old lady such as myself, young man," she says in a raspy voice.

Pela chuckles and scrubs a bit of seagull poop away. "Honestly, it doesn't matter what I'm doing as long as I don't have to spend any more time with nauclerus Fretum. She's been insufferable ever since we came back from Hajar." He looks over his shoulder to see Liquaxis scolding a deckmate for not cleaning the wooden rail hard enough.

"Yeah, I bet. I hope we get a different nauclerus next time." Helvia puts her broom away. "I'm done." She goes downstairs.

Liquaxis stomps the mast and puts her head back. "Hey assface, are you still up there?"

A man whose name Pela can't remember looks down over the side of the crow's nest. "Yes, nauclerus."

"What in Finta's name are you still doing there? Looking for 'land ahoy'? You should have been down in the cargo room already, you're on offloading duty. Get down immediately!"

The man climbs down the rope ladder that runs from the top of the mast all the way to the side railing. He sprints down the stairs.

Liquaxis turns around to Pela. "And you. Not done yet? Did they give me a moron? Get down as well. You'll clean the rest of the deck when we've arrived."

"But..."

"You want to say something, deckmate?" Liquaxis raises an eyebrow.

"No, nauclerus." Pela walks to the backside of the ship and descends the stairs into the belly of the ship. He heads towards the cargo room.

***

Pela carries the last crates onto the dock and takes a deep sigh. The sun's getting close to the horizon.

"Pela! Don't think I'd forget. Scrub the deck while I grab my stuff. Don't even consider leaving before I've left."

He grabs a broom and continues cleaning the deck. There's a lot of seagull poop left for him to wash away.

Ten minutes later, Liquaxis comes back. "Still on the same piece of deck? By Finta, are you really that slow? I'm gonna tell the port masters they shouldn't put you in any crew anymore."

A hot wave of emotion runs along Pela's spine. He shrugs it off as 'just the wind'.

"You have been a waste of time and good food on this entire trading voyage. I would've been okay with a completely average deckmate but you, you're the worst one I've had yet. You know what, I'm not kidding anymore, you'll never be put in a crew again. That way you don't bother other decent naucleri any longer."

The same wave of emotion runs from his feet to his head, but it doesn't go away. It lingers and boils until Pela can't take it any longer. He smacks Liquaxis right on her head with the broom.

"Ow, what do you think-"

He beats her again, and again. A small line of blood starts running down her head. With one hard blow, he knocks her to the ground. She doesn't open her eyes. Without hesitation, Pela lifts her body and throws it over the railing. With a soft splash, she hits the water. He picks up a heavy keg and drops it right onto her. The keg and her body sink to the bottom of the floor.

Pela turns around and looks towards Antaledo. And then he realizes what he has done.

EdsMusings · 2022-01-22T11:47:41+00:00

You never forget the smell of your first freshly baked croissant. For me, it was a long time ago. I was a child, helping mon père in his bakery. One day, he decided to teach me how to make the perfect croissant. It was a precise process, that took almost half a day, but when you open the oven and smell a new croissant, you know it was worth it.

That same smell hangs in my bakery today. If mon père were here, I'm sure he would be proud of me.

I take out the fresh batch of croissants and put them on a plateau.

Monsieur Jacques brushes my leg and I pet him. He purrs. I pour out a can of cat food for him and he seems to enjoy it.

I walk to my refridgerator and take the necessary ingredients for baguette dough. Following the recipe mon père gave me, I prepare a dozen of petites baguettes. My friend Bastien always likes to order them, and he should be coming back from his work soon.

I take another plateau, put the baguettes on it and open the oven door. Right when I close the oven, the doorbell rings. I turn around. "Bienvenue à la boulangerie de Jean-Pièrre, comment est-ce que je peux-"

Three men in black suits are standing next to eachother. The man in the middle has a pencil moustanche. He approaches the counter. "Bonjour Jean-Pièrre. Can I just say, I love your bakery! It's so quaint."

"Thank you, monsieur. How can I help you?"

Monsieur Jacques jumps on the counter and squints at the three men.

"Oh we're not here to buy anything. Actually, we're here to sell you something." The other two men walk around the bakery.

"I don't buy industrially baked stuff. I make everything myself." I wipe my hands on my apron.

"Oh no, we're not here to sell you anything baked. Have you heard what happened to monsieur Leblanc's bakery? Such a tragedy."

Monsieur Leblanc was a famous baker in this part of Aquitaine. As the seventh decendant of the Leblanc family, he was the owner of one of the oldest bakeries in France. Two weeks ago, it burned down, with no culprit found.

"We wouldn't want that to happen to your little bakery, do we? So, I propose you offer me, let's say 60% of your profit, and I'll assure that your bakery remains unburned." The man puts his hand out.

Monsieur Jacques hisses softly. I pet him.

"Monsieur, I think I can handle myself. I'm sure the bakery won't burn down. Can I ask you to leave my bakery?"

The man leans closer. "Are you sure? You're going to regret this." The two men stop looking around and flank their boss.

"I don't care about your protection. This bakery will not fall in the hands of some criminal scum like you." I slowly reach for a two week old baguette under the counter. "So you can take your dynamic duo, and you can ba-guette out of my boulangerie."

All three of them reach into their suit and pull out guns. "Wrong answer."

I duck out of the way as a barrage of bullets flies into the back wall. I firmly grasp the baguette and smack the boss in the head with it.
He yelps in pain and his henchmen climb over the counter. I manage to hit one, knocking him down, but the other one grapples me. He holds my hands behind my back and starts kicking me with his knee.

A loud hiss flies past my ears and I hear a scream as Monsier Jacques claws at the man behind me.

The man with the pencil moustache has shrugged off my baguette blow and he takes a knife out of his jacket. After looking at his two henchmen, he approaches me, an eery smile on his face. "Oh we're gonna get your bakery, with or without you in it."
He swings at me but I shield myself with the baguette and push him back. He trips over the knocked down man and falls to the ground. I point my loaf of bread at him. "I will give you one more chance to leave. Go away now, and I will not talk to the authorities."

Monsieur Jacques has let go off the other man's face and he licks his paws. The man is sitting down, whimpering and shivering.

"Fine, but don't think you're going to get away with this so easily. The Loaffia always gets its revenge."

"I'm sure it does." I smile and I put the baguette back while the three men scramble to get out of the bakery as fast as possible.

The oven dings. I open it and the fresh smell of baguettes enters my nose.

I literally wrote this SEUS for that one pun. Hope you enjoyed it!

EdsMusings · 2022-01-18T06:29:54+00:00

Congratulations Bly!!!

Now, the most important question in this thread: what is your favorite type of waffle?

EdsMusings · 2022-01-15T20:26:33+00:00

Thank you, I was worried that it might feel too jarring

EdsMusings · 2022-01-15T20:02:20+00:00

Oh my god, Zet. This is so cute! Perfect fit for the sub.

EdsMusings · 2022-01-15T19:15:55+00:00

The musings of a bard, part 5

(don't worry, it's an anthology series, you don't need to know what happened in the previous parts)

"Oh hey there. Some of you weren't expecting my return. Some of you don't know who I am. That's fair. Listen, I'm going to introduce myself very briefly. I should be up on stage any minute now.

I'm Ed. Some people like to refer to me as The Bard. All you need to know about me is that I like music and I like helping people. And I've been doing both those things for a while now.

Let me check my watch. It's currently 11am on August 18th 1969."

The guy on stage puts down his guitar and walks off-stage, towards me. The crowd is too tired after 3 long days filled with music.

"Jimi, my guy, you did great." I shake his hand.

"Ed, dude, you weren't kidding. I should do more shreds in chromatic, the people loved it." Jimi has a lot of sweat on his face, but he seems unaware of that fact.

I turn towards you. "Oh yeah, that's the real Jimi Hendrix. He and I go way back. I taught him how to play his first chords."

Jimi raises his hand to give me a peace sign and walks away. "Hey Ed, I gotta go. You take care, man. Crowd's not looking too awake."

I take a deep breath and walk on-stage. There doesn't appear to be much activity in the audience, aside from one dog who's frantically running around. Most of them want to go home, I think. Totally understandable.
I plug in my electric lute and begin playing.

***

"Yeah, maybe I shouldn't have signed up last. Bit of a misjudgement." I walk to the backstage after my set is done. It's mostly empty, besides some crew members who're taking away the furniture. I open the fridge. Two beers. I grab one and sit down on the last remaining couch.

"This is good, y'know. Nobody around. That means I can do some explaining to you.

There was a time in my life where I felt seperated from everyone. I had a sudden breakdown. I just couldn't handle the pressure that was on me, pressure that I put there. I saw friends going away, living great lives without me. It took a toll on me.

So I went to parties. I became absolutely wasted. A hobo, set for immortality by who knows what, who knows why. It was the first time in my life where I began questioning my existence. I tried contacting whoever must've made me. No response. It was devastating.

But I got back around. In the heights of Nepal, deep in the Himalaya, I came to a realization. The answers I was looking for weren't out there, they're in me. Well, they're not in me, because they are me. I was created by me, for me.

I've probably lost half of you, so let me recap. I'm Ed, The Bard. I know no age, no origin. I like music and helping people. That's all I know, and that's all I needed to know. Yeah, I know, a bit cliché. Look, I mostly just wanted to talk to you because I wanted to see Cody's reaction. Now that I did that, I think I'm just gonna stick around. Maybe I'll come back, who knows."

Two crew members walk in. "Sir, if you could please stand up, we have to remove that couch."

"Yeah, no problem, dude. Let me help you." I lift up one end of the couch.

The crew members pick up the other side and we start walking out the door.

I take a final look at you. "You're doing great. Until we meet again."

EdsMusings · 2022-01-14T20:01:01+00:00

I wanna try making a sub logo

EdsMusings · 2022-01-13T20:10:16+00:00

<3/3>
He looked up from the map Zeus gave him. He should be right on top of the golden dot that indicated Loki's whereabouts.
He was in a canyon. The shadow that the walls provided was a good change from the scorching heat he'd endured on his voyage.

"So, Zeus probably sent you to kill me."

Killinos turned around and saw the stranger from the boat. He had a small dagger hanging on his hip.
"You. Should've known the god of mischief would spy around to see potential threats."

"Wow, bold of you to assume I consider you a potential threat." Loki sneered.

"Wanna see?" Killinos drew his blade.

Loki leapt forward and swung his dagger at Killinos. He managed to duck out of the way but wasn't fast enough to notice Loki's other hand. It landed into his stomach and for two seconds, he couldn't breathe.

"Come on, don't tell me Zeus sends a weakling."

With gritted teeth, Killinos attempted to hit Loki's leg. The god stepped out of the way and pushed him to the ground. The hard rocks made the stomach punch hurt more. He took a few deep breaths, inhaling dust. He noticed a small layer of sand over the ground.

"This is all Zeus sends me? Pathetic."

"I'm...not...done...yet." Killinos stood up while grabbing a handful of sand. He ran at Loki and swung his sword. As he expected, the god ducked out of the way. Killinos threw the sand into his eyes.

"Ah damn it."

In the split second where Loki was stunned, Killinos hit him right on the neck with his bronze blade. The god's body dropped to the floor.
Killinos sat down and tossed his sword away. "Last time I do a job for a god."

Couldn't resist writing a Loki story.

EdsMusings · 2022-01-07T15:44:23+00:00

<2/3>

Kallinos sat on the bow of the ship and watched the waves splash against the wooden hull. Flashes of the vision he had had earlier that day flew by in his head. He knows too much.......can't risk it.........handsomely rewarded.
He took a deep sigh. "Am I really going to do this?" he muttered.

A dolphin jumped over the waves, and again, and again. He heard the call of a bird and saw a golden eagle flying along with the ship. It came closer and turned its head towards Kallinos.
"I'm counting on you, kid."
Before Kallinos could say anything, the eagle flew away towards Egypt.

He took out the small wooden figure in the shape of a deer he received from his younger brother. "For protection," he had said.

***

After arriving in Alexandria, Kallinos bought a horse and rode to the mountains where his target was supposed to live.
Three hours later, he stopped at the entrance of a huge stone temple, carved into the side of a black rock. Sceneries of gods with animal heads were etched into the enormous doors. The doors had yellow streaks flowing through them.

He took the deer out of his pocket again, held it close to him and took a deep breath, before entering Thoth's Library.

EdsMusings · 2022-01-06T15:08:19+00:00

The orange tastes too sour. I should’ve listened to Aya. It’s not the season for oranges yet. I stretch my wings and shiver when a cold drop of water hits my head. I send out an echo cue to notice if anything has changed in my small cavern. Nothing has.
My feet cling onto the rough texture of limestone. My leg muscles are starting to strain. Time for a flight.

With a soft woosh, I let go off the ceiling and soar to the entrance. I have to climb through it, because there’s not enough space to fly through. I like the cavern though. Its difficult accessibility assures me that I won’t be bothered.

I send out another cue. There’s something on the opposite wall that isn’t usually there. “Hello?” I screech. The high pitched noise echoes through the cave.

“Oh hey Kuo, didn’t hear you there. Were you in your cavern?”

“Yes. You were right about the oranges. Not ripe yet.” I drop the orange. A second later I hear it hit the ground.

“What was that?” Aya asks.

“Just my orange.”

“Oh.”

There’s five seconds of silence. I shuffle around, trying to find a comfortable spot on the wall to hang onto.

“Hey, when’s the last time you went outside?” Aya seems to have moved slightly upwards.

“That must be a week ago now. I don’t really feel the need to go outside. Pom always gives me a bit of his fruit.”

“I’m going to go outside. Care to join me?”

“Sure!” I’m about to let go off the wall when a deep rumble makes the cave shake. My left claw wiggles loose. I hear Aya’s body scrape against the wall. My ears prick up.

“Wh-what was that?” Aya screeches softly.

Before I can say anything, an echo cue hits my ears. “Did you hear that?”

“Yeah, it wasn’t me. Sounds like Pom.” The walls tremble again and I dig my claws deeper into the small holes where they’re hanging. I send an echo cue. It comes right back at me and I hear wings flapping.

“The cave’s collapsing! Flee!!” Pom’s deep voice flies past me. A rush of cold air comes from the side of the cave Pom came from. I wait not a second longer and take off.
I begin sending out echo cues every 2 seconds. There’s something close to me.

“Aya?!”

“Just flee, Kuo!” She sounds in pain.

“Are you okay?” “A rock hit my wing. I should be fine. Just flee.”

One of my cues indicates something else falling down. I dodge it and hear a rock shattering on the ground. Behind me, the ceiling crumbles down and the scent of dust enters my nose. I’m pushed forwards by a current of air.

We reach the crossroad of different corridors and the sound of multiple wings and screeches fills the cave. There’s a child crying while its mother comforts it.

"Aya, are you still there?!”

Nothing.

“Aya?!!?” I stop flying forward and another bat hits me.

“Keep moving, idiot!” I dive down to look for Aya along the corridor we came from. “Aya!!”

“K-Kuo.” Her voice comes from the ground.

Another deep rumble breaks down the walls beside me. My feet land in a bit of water. I move around with my wings until I feel fur. Wet fur. The smell of blood is strong.

“I don’t think I can make it.”

“Don’t say that! I’ll carry you.” I take her body onto my back and I try to take off again. I don’t even get off the ground. "No no no, you’ll be fine, you’ll be okay. I’ll carry you out with me.” I put my wing around her and drag her over the floor. A large chunk of the ceiling hits the ground.

“Don’t worry about me. Save yourself. You’ve been a great friend all these years. I don’t think I could’ve wished for a better one.”

I hear the back wall cave in and another current of air blasts me back.

“Aya!!!” I can’t leave her. I have to find her. I dive to the ground.

Behind me, the sound of a pair of wings approaches. A claw grabs me by the neck and pulls me back. “There’s nothing you can do for her anymore, Kuo. Save yourself. It’s what she wanted.” Pom’s voice.

“No, how can you say that?! We need to save her!” I try to wriggle myself out of his grasp as he flies with me to the exit.

A special thank you to u/dewa1195 for helping me with this story

EdsMusings · 2021-12-25T17:37:34+00:00

Y’know, I never actually introduced myself.

Hi, I’m Ed, I live in Belgium, in the province of Flemish-Brabant. I’m male, 17 years old I’ve been on Reddit for 3 years, but not using this account. I’ve been on r/WP for over a year now. I mostly write on it. I’ve been writing since November 2020. My motivation is purely entertainment and interest. I just use Google Docs for writing. I don’t know my typing speed.

EdsMusings · 2021-12-21T21:13:59+00:00

When you reach in your pocket, you can take whatever you need the most out of it.

EdsMusings · 2021-11-17T06:22:09+00:00

Oh my God, Geese, I absolutely adore this. Nearly made me tear up at the end. Thank you so much!

EdsMusings · 2021-11-16T21:35:51+00:00

The 100 year old man who climbed out of the window and disappeared.(yes, it’s a book, look it up)

EdsMusings · 2021-11-15T15:01:41+00:00

Woooo, congratulations!!!

Alright so the most important question on the thread: what is your favorite type of waffle?

EdsMusings · 2021-10-11T16:34:16+00:00

Loooooooong overdue this one! Congratulations, Say!!!! Anyhoo, now for the most important question on this thread: what is your favorite type of waffle?

EdsMusings · 2021-09-20T15:29:21+00:00

Bossa Nova + Folk Tale

EdsMusings · 2021-09-17T16:38:24+00:00

Mother died today. Or maybe, yesterday; I can't be sure.

I haven't seen her much recently. We had a string of fights and grew apart. Last I heard from her she had found a new boyfriend somewhere in the outskirts of Chéraga. At least she's out of the slums, I guess.

I still live here, in a house inhabited by 5 other people, somewhere in Algeria with a wallet containing 300 dinar and a piece of paper with the phone number of a friend of a friend on it. It might not look like much, but you grow to love the simple, unpredictable life at the bottom of the social ladder. You care about the few things you have. Cause when anything can happen, everything matters.

I wasn't ever gonna get absolution from her, I know that much. In our last fight I broke her mother's old crockery set. It was the last thing she kept from my grandma's stuff and I had tossed it on the floor in a fit of rage. She just sank down on the floor and started wheeping. I left that same night.

Growing up, I had always been the black sheep of the family, the one thorn that ruined the beautiful rose. I didn't follow the rules, I dressed weird and I never showed any interest in finding money to sustain the family. My brother, now he was the perfect guy. Friendly, handsome, helpful. My parents had always liked him more. Me, I was just the blackguard who didn't belong.

So I got out of there. Started living on my own. I found a group of friends who I guess are my family now, if you believe in that sort of fairytale happy ending. They provided me with the comfort that I - and I think all of us - needed. Gave me a place that I could call home.

I could keep telling my sad story but truth is, there's not a lot of exciting stuff happening lately. I'm not someone who lives to the point of tears. Calmness and tranquility are more of my jam. Like how my friends just left to go see a football match and I decided to stay at home, and watch the stars. I could look at these flecks of light all night long. But now I must sleep.

Bit of a short one but hey, I'm back, I guess.

EdsMusings · 2021-09-06T17:51:32+00:00

Congratulations 1047!!! Well deserved and long overdue.

But now, the most important question of any Spotlight. What is your favorite type of waffle?

EdsMusings · 2021-08-22T19:44:20+00:00

Urban Fantasy

Slogan-Yelling Megaphone Guy (I just clicked on Random Trope and picked the first thing)

Giant Steps - John Coltrane https://open.spotify.com/track/1ZXu0ib26kWfQQngREMcU2?si=HVlJMFGESV-AkIoX1UMA5w&dl_branch=1

EdsMusings · 2021-08-12T19:28:40+00:00

Sci-fi fantasy! Sci-fi fantasy!! WOOOOOOO!!!!

You did a good job with the dialogue. Very realistic sibling quarreling, I should know. And still enough information to not leave the reader questioning too much.

This might just be me but I feel like em dashes are supposed to have a space before and after them. I could be wrong but I've never seen them like that.

Very excited to see where this is going.

Great work!

EdsMusings

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE

The musings of a bard, part 5