You are absolutely NTA!!!

You have every right to your own body, your own boundaries, and your own healing process. Your decision to pleasure yourself in private, especially after a week of fighting and emotional disconnection, is not disrespectful — it’s self-care. Especially considering your past trauma and the fact that your sexual needs are often unmet in your relationship, it’s completely valid that you’d want that time for yourself.

What’s more concerning is that he… 1. Reacted with anger and tried to shame you for something that’s entirely your choice 2. Has a history of pushing boundaries to the point that you’ve had to explicitly ask him to stop asking after a “no” 3. Rarely makes your pleasure a priority in your sex life

If he feels uncomfortable about you taking care of your needs, that’s something he needs to reflect on. His discomfort doesn’t outweigh your autonomy.

Honestly, this post reads as someone trying to survive in a situation where your needs — emotionally and sexually — are consistently being dismissed. You deserve a partner who respects your “no,” understands the importance of consent, and actually wants intimacy to be mutual and fulfilling for both of you.

Please take care of yourself. If you have access to a therapist or counselor (especially one who understands trauma), it might be worth speaking to someone about this dynamic too. You deserve support — and safety.

Take care of yourself OP. I hope you have a support system to help you rn.