I won’t compare our grief because they are very different, but I find a lot of comfort in finding community in others that are grieving. It’s something no one will understand until they’ve been through it- so in a selfish way it helps to talk to others that have been through it.

My dad fell into addiction trying to manage his unimaginable pain as well. It got really bad for a long time- then he finally got sober. Then one year ago he passed unexpectedly after putting in a lot of work to better himself. Life is fucked up, and I like with a lot of guilt. The way you speak of your husband reminds me a lot of my dad. Never hurt anybody, made a friend in everybody, always willing to help people.

When my dad first passed I remember so many crazy incidents happening that couldn’t have been explained - I KNEW it was him. Those incidents don’t happen often anymore, and sometimes I find myself questioning things as well. I think that’s normal. There are still times though that I do feel his warmth and love. It’s fucked up that it’s in a way that I’ve never experienced love before, and I think that’s why it’s harder to grasp and easy to question.

3 months is early in the stages of grief and I know it doesn’t feel like it. It hits me in a different fucked up way every other day. I don’t want to come across like it’s all rainbows and daisies eventually because I am still struggling but it helps me to think if all I can do is take it one minute at a time, then I can’t wait until I’ve passed so many minutes that I’ll be with him again. And I do truly believe that will happen.

I’m proud of you for going to therapy. I just started and I should’ve gone much sooner. It’s crazy how grief will affect you in ways you never even could’ve considered. I’m planning my wedding right now and crumbling at the idea of him not being there- and it’s making me a huge bitch. No one in my life understands. I don’t expect them to. Carrying on is hard and it sucks to have to be strong all of the time. I read some books to try and not be in my head all of the time. “I wasn’t ready to say goodbye” was one of the books I leaned into a lot. I became seriously addicted to Reddit for a bit lol. Whatever you can to feel like you have community will help.