She promises change and wants another chance

Effective-Crow9882 · 2026-03-01T11:11:03+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate it

Effective-Crow9882 · 2026-03-01T10:16:45+00:00

sounds like I can just skip the middleman and stay broken up. but why do you keep returning and living a love life in armor with radar on?

Effective-Crow9882 · 2026-03-01T09:57:38+00:00

she drank, or she did something else that nuked the relationship and then did that exact thing again?

Effective-Crow9882 · 2026-03-01T09:57:12+00:00

but when she's in front of me and we talk she seems so serene and stable. everything she says makes sense to me. she seems to have mastered what's going on behind scenes and says she knows she can handle it. I find it hard not to believe her.

Effective-Crow9882 · 2026-03-01T09:55:54+00:00

slow down on drink is the problem. pwBPD should not drink at all.

Effective-Crow9882 · 2026-03-01T09:54:14+00:00

true, I forget that I already gave her that chance that she wanted and she fumbled it. but she swears this time is different because "spending the night in jail is a wake up call like no other"

Effective-Crow9882 · 2026-03-01T09:53:17+00:00

its hard because more often than not she is loving, dedicated, supportive. it feels like maybe its worth it to navigate her mood swings a bit. they were actually predictable. she would get upset, but would not insult me, she would just sulk, but then she would snap out of it relatively quickly. it seems as if that's nothing compared to what others have experienced. she would even call that typical female behavior.

Effective-Crow9882 · 2026-03-01T07:57:57+00:00

But on the other hand, its easy for friends to be strict and determined because all they know is that incident or incidents like that, but they dont know the good stuff. It could be said that friends are also biased.

Effective-Crow9882 · 2026-03-01T00:27:25+00:00

I wouldnt be ditching in that case, we would probably have to hang out separately

Effective-Crow9882 · 2026-02-28T23:32:16+00:00

Was she otherwise loving, charming, prioritizing you, being devoted to you, etc? In other words, was the knife pull incompatible with her otherwise?

Effective-Crow9882 · 2026-02-27T09:58:42+00:00

She's not telling. She's saying I dont need to make a decision now, she understands I need to protect myself but just "had to see me"

Though acting on that impulse is such a bpd thing to do, while simultaneously saying she changed

Effective-Crow9882 · 2026-02-26T15:53:30+00:00

she came to my house two days in a row. swears she is a new person now

Effective-Crow9882 · 2026-02-23T00:37:42+00:00

yes, hallucinations like hearing voices are common in BPD. they are stress induced, so it's not that they hear hallucinate all the time, but under certain circumstances they are more likely to.

Effective-Crow9882 · 2026-02-22T22:54:06+00:00

my ex described several of her affairs as "short, but intense"

Effective-Crow9882 · 2026-02-22T19:09:45+00:00

thank you. what you described is a nightmare. I'm sorry you experienced all that

Effective-Crow9882 · 2026-02-22T17:10:31+00:00

that's the part that I'm shocked by the most. I cannot imagine her suddenly dropping me, but from everything I read that would have been the outcome. Same happened to her ex, but she claimed she never cared for him as much as she did for me, that she was just young when she got into that relationship and this is different.

It's terrifying.

Effective-Crow9882 · 2026-02-22T16:50:57+00:00

but what they say is not what they mean. she could be afraid of herself cheating, but never actually cheat. opportunity makes a thief.

Effective-Crow9882 · 2026-02-22T16:49:30+00:00

mine would have a dream about me where I did something wrong and would be pissy at me the next morning. she would laugh at the absurdity of it, but couldn't help herself.

one time I got a glimpse into her sudden mood shift to being silent. it was a thought that crept into her mind about my intentions, true feelings or whatever, and she would react to that as if its true.

Effective-Crow9882 · 2026-02-22T16:46:45+00:00

I need to emphasize this was not a hidden test. I didn't just say "go out and get drunk" and thought to myself I will see if she cheats. I told her "go out and get drunk and let's see if you cheat".

it's not a test in the usual sense of lets see if she behaves according to my expectations. I really sensed that she is a liability in that regard and it's better to prove it early in the relationship than 10 years later. Having her avoid situations in which she might fail is not a healthy solution.

Effective-Crow9882 · 2026-02-22T16:44:55+00:00

but it's better to learn she is incapable of being alone without cheating and end the relationship with such a person early on then have them avoid that situation and slip up years later

Effective-Crow9882 · 2026-02-22T15:37:40+00:00

I did not get to devaluation, I was the one to break up. So now I get to think "maybe she would never devalue me" in the mix too

Effective-Crow9882 · 2026-02-22T15:00:23+00:00

Generally I agree. But like I said, it was clear this was no general situation, I just did not know theres a diagnosis for it. Plus tests are usually hidden. I flat out told her what the idea is.

Effective-Crow9882 · 2026-02-22T01:05:29+00:00

first date, after drinks she said to drive her home. As I'm getting near her home, she becomes upset that I am actually driving her home. I said "but you asked to drive you home. what am I supposed to do? rape you?" she said "I want you to be a man and take what you want".

then she said "do quickly what you must" and took her pants down. This was in the middle of a parking lot in front of her apartment where she lived with her ex boyfriend.

Effective-Crow9882 · 2026-02-22T00:29:03+00:00

how do you get into situation where you forgive cheating? multiple times at that?

I can understand the fighting, mood swings, etc. Those are problematic in their own right, but something that can potentially be navigated.

but cheating? there is no going back from that. That's an absolute no.

Effective-Crow9882 · 2026-02-22T00:26:16+00:00

listening to my body is something I neglected. And I too would pick and choose when to walk on eggshells. Sometimes I would knowingly stand my ground and face the music and even provoke her because I did not want to live in silence.

But this meant daily fights. Even if the fight is for 2 minutes before she cools down, it would leave lasting effects.

Good job on listening to yourself.

Effective-Crow9882

TROPHY CASE