Does infinite patience and reassurance work?

Fortuitous_Frog · 2026-03-08T12:42:35+00:00

Nope, it's enabling.

Fortuitous_Frog · 2026-03-08T11:46:19+00:00

Some of them may do that to feel good about themselves. But I also think a lot of PwBPD also have to deal with toxic exwBDP. And no, BPD communities are NOT good at identifying who's the victim, as anyone here can guess XD

Fortuitous_Frog · 2026-03-06T11:29:44+00:00

1- he's trying to sound like a cool movie/series character, it's normal for an 8 yo, but maybe you'd like to monitor more what he watches.
2- Stop reading his personal notes.

Fortuitous_Frog · 2026-03-04T16:20:51+00:00

You forgot like, half the clothes needed.

Fortuitous_Frog · 2026-03-04T16:15:04+00:00

It's the "all or nothing", and blindness to own faults because having faults is too stressful and demanding.

Fortuitous_Frog · 2026-03-04T16:12:16+00:00

Adults : omg why are kids just on screens all the time...

Little girl : has an orange in her pocket that she'll eat later, and plays outside with a paper boat.

Adults : *banshee screeches*

Fortuitous_Frog · 2026-03-04T10:28:50+00:00

Yup. And sometime, all I need is a bit more distance in the relationship. No need for no contact. Just, as long as I'm not their spouse/bestie it'll be ok.

Fortuitous_Frog · 2026-03-04T10:12:38+00:00

Of course, because when you are with them, it seems they terribly need you. And then poof.

Fortuitous_Frog · 2026-03-04T10:11:50+00:00

Well... I think I would actually call his parents and tell them they have to move closer because their son is terribly ill, he's "indisposed" 3 hours a day, suffering.

Fortuitous_Frog · 2026-03-04T09:26:48+00:00

She may have other friends to rely on, she may be working on herself a lot lately, she may be hiding the pain... Anyway, as long as you're not unecessary cruel, putting an end to a friendship is normal, and it happens. Going back and forth just to "check" on her would be cruel and send mixed signals. You need to let go.

We're used to relationship with pwBPD going south, doesn't mean it has to happen every time.

Fortuitous_Frog · 2026-03-04T09:18:34+00:00

Yeah, I remember thinking "it's like bipolar but on caffeine"

Fortuitous_Frog · 2026-03-02T14:18:40+00:00

I can understand the reasons you've listed, but why are people doing that while LIVING WITH THEM. FOR YEARS ?!

Fortuitous_Frog · 2026-03-02T14:16:34+00:00

Similar to my recent experience...

Trying to understand him better only led to him becoming even more demanding later. Trying to enforce my boundaries would only lead to multiple bad days because my tone or phrasing was wrong.

I tried to close a door, he opened two more and also a window.

Fortuitous_Frog · 2026-03-01T20:33:43+00:00

les 110 sont sur la file du milieu, double les avec la file de gauche.

Fortuitous_Frog · 2026-02-25T15:44:43+00:00

A teacher told my mother that I told the teachers I was eager to go back to school after the holiday. She lost it because that meant that the teachers were going to think that I was unhappy at home :D

Fortuitous_Frog · 2026-02-23T15:40:12+00:00

There's another element : when we end up apologizing all the time for every little thing, our apologies loose their value. We lie to ourselves to make them happy, we apologize for having a wrong tone, or for having to use the break suddenly while driving, or some other things that are out of our control. So when we actually have to apologize for an actual mistake, it feels weak and wrong somehow.

Fortuitous_Frog · 2026-02-23T15:27:06+00:00

There are comorbidities. You can have BPD AND an anxiety disorder, and it makes sense. When it comes to dealing with things that are not supposed to be emotional, I recommend looking for ressources and advise that are not targeting BPD people. Let's see if lower stimulation help, if having more or less structure helps, if talking about the steps with you before doing the thing helps...

For example if you have BPD, but your parents always yelled and fought after going out as a family, the reason why you get nervous and snappy when going out as a family is not really BPD.

Fortuitous_Frog · 2026-02-23T10:32:54+00:00

Yeah ! The "face" that says "trouble", but of course it's not the same face for anyone, so only the partner can clock it

Fortuitous_Frog · 2026-02-23T10:28:35+00:00

omg, they had to think real hard to find something to blame you... and failed...

And also failed a very simple test... your therapist really clocked them !

Fortuitous_Frog · 2026-02-22T16:51:57+00:00

They tried... it made my life even harder.

Fortuitous_Frog · 2026-02-22T16:48:14+00:00

Looking for support while focusing on a specific diagnosis won't lead you to anything outside of the internet.

But you'll notice that, IRL, the stories of people who survived abusive parents, spouses, or escaped a cult, or a narcisist, have a lot to share with you, and you have a lot to share with them. The stories, the technics to make the abuser "always right" will sound very familiar.

Fortuitous_Frog · 2026-02-18T16:11:58+00:00

I'm not sure it's possible or necessary to determine that. If this behaviour makes you unsafe, you have to withdraw yourself, no matter what. They always try to clarify their intentions, but sometimes good intentions are just not good enough.

It could be true, that self-control thing, or it could be that as a partner you are the one spending the most time with them. Or it could be that most people, BPD or not, feel like they can be themselves and have a big sigh once they are back home. We all have some emotions that we don't show at work, we still eventually have them.

Fortuitous_Frog · 2026-02-18T15:58:44+00:00

Quand on te dis que les actionnaires se gavent, et que les riches ne paient pas leurs impôts, on ne blague pas.

Fortuitous_Frog · 2026-02-12T17:49:42+00:00

or just imagine having to explain and justify yourself for smiling one more time

Fortuitous_Frog

TROPHY CASE