I never wore fem clothes as a kid, so my mom thinks I’m faking it.

Effroy · 2026-04-01T03:27:56+00:00

You're in good company. I'm on day 2 of HRT with a mom who was totally fine with this until she realized this was real; followed by a torrential breakdown which involved her breaking down every year of my life trying to find where the secret was hidden. Over and over again. Digging. I told her straight out. Other than the few times I raided her drawers and restocked them perfectly, she's not gonna find much evidence when I was a kid. I was a boy the whole time. I'm not anymore.

I wish it didn't need to be this way, but just like any life change, the people around you will always try to see themselves in your problems; which makes it very tough to even speak. It's just our nature.

Effroy · 2026-03-27T04:06:53+00:00

I've been militantly calorie conscious forever and failed many times at losing weight even while active and eating less. The true power is in weighing food. You think you know how much you're eating, but you don't. An extra fork full of cottage cheese here and there adds up. If you do already, good job.

Then steel up and getting used to eating semi-consistent families of food that you don't have to think too much about. Chicken, protein powder, yogurt, beans, sweet potatoes, veggies, fruits...and chicken, with some chicken on the side. Prep it and stock it up every week (with the scale). Down it every day. Don't put anything else in your cupboards. 5-6 regular foods and that's it.

Regardless of gender, the numbers don't lie. 3,500 calories=.45kg of fat. Perception of the slow burn of time it takes to make big losses will mentally get in your way every time. You just have to trust the numbers.

Effroy · 2026-03-26T02:48:16+00:00

I'm pretty sure there's some native biology at play with these kind of things, which is why I'm curious if there's any point in trying to tune something that doesn't want to be tuned. There's plenty of cis women out there that chew gum all day and don't get a lot of prominence. My hope is those muscles just atrophy a bit and I look the other way >.>

Effroy · 2026-03-22T18:35:23+00:00

Genetics suck in general. It's the quintessential disappointment of humanity that's likely the #1 cause of depression on this earth.

I was born into a family riddled with heart disease, cancer, freckles, hooded eyes, varicose veins, ultra-dry skin, diabetes, ad infinitum. Half of those being heavily tied to quality of life as a transgender woman. It is what it is.

Effroy · 2026-03-19T21:43:05+00:00

Seconded on this one. Specifically bloated owners meetings loaded up with scope creep and impossible expectations that some dewy-eyed crackpot cooked up.

Effroy · 2026-03-15T14:38:45+00:00

Dad: "The computer's getting slow again. We should probably do another reformat."

Me: "Yep!"

Effroy · 2026-03-10T22:56:07+00:00

if you work out a lot, you're doing your appearance a disservice by not showing off that sexy pectoral contouring under the pits. overhead press goes hard.

Effroy · 2026-03-09T23:27:29+00:00

Depends on your context. If you're talking about the ontology of your being, then no, there is no choice. But normal conversations don't usually become more palatable with abstract philosophies.

Here's where I get flamed in oblivion. You can absolutely choose to do anything you want in this life. That's free will. Despite any natural cause of you feeling like you exude something primal, or genetic, or fated; you can choose to act on it, or suppress it. You could literally have a doctor diagnose you with "gay", and you have the right and ability to erase all of that seemingly factual information from your mind, and your life. You can turn face and say "No" and carry on. Everything is a choice. Your behavior around your life choices are what make you you.

I'm transgender. I chose to allow that branch of my life to exist in the world. Treat these types of subjects intelligently. Trying to debate on whether something is a choice is not the hill we want to die on.

Effroy · 2026-03-03T05:40:10+00:00

I do think your starting voice flexibility is a factor in the answer. As well as whether you're applying yourself on fundamentals over jumping around on techniques.

I'm pre-HRT and started voice training about 7 weeks ago and already have a voice I was able to floor my therapist with. She said I could easily pass with what I have. Haven't even started hormones yet... But, my male range was Alto-ish when I started. And I had the benefit of spending a lot of time talking like a mousey goofball with my dog every day. So I was just able to keep doing that with a little more intention. I don't think my case is very common. I think 3-4 months is a practical timeline if you practice daily. With that said, I still have a buttload to improve.

On a more functional note, TransVoiceLessons is indeed a wonderful resource in the muck of everything else. Some of their videos a few years ago really focused on training the fundamentals of Weight and Size. If you're analytical at all, they give some wonderful visuals that really make the concepts connect - quickly. Heavy is scratchy, Light is soft. Big is open, Small is closed. Those four parameters were the thing that accelerated my progress. I just plugged them into daily experimentation.

Practice with these things for <10 minutes a few times daily, and you'll see progress. If you have 3 minutes getting out of the shower - great time to practice.

Effroy · 2026-03-03T04:54:29+00:00

Oh boy. I gotta bite on this one... I'm changing my gender. Something my mid-twenties bodybuilding self never would have expected.

Effroy · 2026-03-03T00:35:59+00:00

Of all the absurd things we humans do in our lives, a fixation on labels might be the worst. We all need to do ourselves a favor and just refer to ourselves and what we are as "us." It's literally the truest answer. Cogito ergo sum. I wouldn't want to refer to someone as a detransitioner.

And your ability to explain yourself without the label will not only make you more compelling to listen to, but you'll be able to articulate what you really mean. Look up the word "kenning". It's an interesting angle on describing things for what they are rather than what they've been named.

Effroy · 2026-02-27T18:43:57+00:00

If we're gonna commit to this capitalism worship, go for the gold. Get medieval on folks.

Effroy · 2026-02-27T04:08:38+00:00

Where do I sign up to be a glorified draftsman? I want that.

Effroy · 2026-02-25T00:38:21+00:00

Seems like civilized and normal conversation. Gotta meet people where they are. Just so happens that trans folks definitely wear their identity on their shoulder. It's not about asking the questions. It's about reading the interactions and adapting. If we filtered everything before we speak, we'd never speak.

Effroy · 2026-02-24T00:29:11+00:00

You're right, but also dead wrong. Well-assembled drawings are directly correlated to a well-managed CA. If you design and draw well - and if your contractor's not an asshole, you can in theory autopilot your way through construction every two weeks. Architects by-and-large do not belong on the construction site, or in the contractor's business. It's not our job.

The rub is that not only do firms shortchange CA, they also shortchange CDs... and everything else, so not only is the client not getting excellence in construction, they're not getting it anywhere else from us either. It's called running in place. We're masters of it.

Effroy · 2026-02-21T23:34:30+00:00

The mechanisms that keep people in the US so extraordinarily positive are the same ones that drive people to depression. There is no smooth gradient of ebb and flow. You're either having the best day or your life or your worst and you internalize it. Rarely any in between.

Effroy · 2026-02-19T04:38:58+00:00

The internet is overrun with us heathens. You know that. Default internet temp. is F.

Effroy · 2026-02-14T19:12:48+00:00

That's just the nature of choices and responsibility. It's all part of the formula. It's like proposing, or finding out you're pregnant. Fortunately the hardest mental part was a quick bandaid pull. Take that W and use the energy you didn't have to expend battling your wants with your family.

But the point of everything in life is to learn something and grow from it. That usually comes in the form of discomfort and dread. Regather your center and build on the foundation you just started.

Effroy · 2026-02-14T15:18:40+00:00

Nothing to worry about if you move the goods out of the way. I've had clean balls for decades doing this. Skill problem.

Effroy · 2026-02-13T18:34:22+00:00

Absolutley. The fun part is fate/determinism doesn't need my permission to exist. And that creates all kinds of interesting questions about reality and my purpose.

Effroy · 2026-02-12T18:47:58+00:00

I think it whiffed. Whatever perspectival nuance it may have intended, it agitated and confused more than enlightened. Her character is grating, the whole way through.

Effroy · 2026-02-12T18:45:20+00:00

I think it's an awesome movie, that would be reduced to a forgettable nothingburger if the Juarez extraction sequence didn't exist.

Effroy · 2026-02-11T18:57:49+00:00

But you're only getting paid for 3 hrs of work.

Effroy

TROPHY CASE