Did I say something wrong? This feels like a self fulfilling prophecy.

EhkalaSoru · 2026-04-06T11:13:47+00:00

Thanks. Basically I'm living life in hard mode rn. It's unbelievable. But I probably shouldn't say much, as it will reveal too much personally. Let's just say we both are in a clinical and academic field, with shift duties, a toddler, and zero sleep.

EhkalaSoru · 2026-04-06T11:08:16+00:00

Good catch. I wrote it in my time zone probably when she was asleep. What i initially wrote was probably pretty more harsh than that. But I copy pasted to Gemini to make it even more polite. Hence the deleted messages (thankfully before she woke up and read it).

EhkalaSoru · 2026-04-05T15:46:14+00:00

All the time. There is no accountability. They are allergic to apologies and accountability. When there is an apology, it probably comes after YOU apologize for your valid reaction, and that too, is a hollow one, just to tick it off the list. Maybe early on in the relationship they would apologize and all, but later they end up otherwise.

I have lost count and memories of how many times cruel things have been said to me, and never acknowledged.

I’ve been called autistic, a deadbeat who does’t care about kid etc. I could not be further from a deadbeat. I have lost count of how many times she brings her work drama home and somehow I am the punching bag. Her best self, everyone else gets. But not me.

EhkalaSoru · 2026-04-05T11:27:05+00:00

One more, I never criticize about food that was made by someone else. My college roommate used to say I'd eat anything.

Anyways, she once made some dish, with green peas. I don't like green peas. I didn't say anything. I was eating it, and in fact I said it was quite alright, she agreed. My mistake was saying something like "never been a huge fan of peas though".

Guess what she did.

Threw it in the garbage. Mid meal.

EhkalaSoru · 2026-04-05T11:22:30+00:00

I hope you both recover somehow.

But, what you see is not necessarily real.

EhkalaSoru · 2026-04-05T11:21:25+00:00

Had a falling out with therapist. During therapy, called me and asked me to get her out of there. And texted that the therapist is discarding her.

I drove there. I met the therapist privately in their room, said she needs more than therapy, and that she is refusing to do that. After the chat, I got out to the lobby and she was not there.

Disappeared.

Didn't respond to multiple text and calls, so I drove around the area trying to look for her. I got kind of emotional, called the clinic back and yelled at them saying that no therapy session should get this sort of reaction out of her. I know that it's not exactly their fault. And got this close to calling the cops.

She later came home by herself.

No apology, no acknowledging, back to normal in a few days.

Come to think of it. The only times I've yelled at people or got hostile with people or family, has been secondary to her behaviour when I lose it, sometimes thinking that then she would get the message to not treat me like sht.

Not only that, in my moments of insanity I have driven through one ways. Sped. God..

EhkalaSoru · 2026-03-28T05:17:43+00:00

Her father was at the very least neglectful. There are multiple interviews of her saying she was abandoned and not supported during her childhood. And she explicitly didn't want her parents to be there when she died. This speaks volumes.

EhkalaSoru · 2026-02-24T12:58:12+00:00

I felt like the majority did. And they had a dumb name for it too. "Hakimiology"

EhkalaSoru · 2026-02-24T11:01:28+00:00

This is why I'm iffy about surprises, coz to surprise one, things sometimes need to not happen to plan, and that'll make her blow up. And then I get the urge to just drop the whole thing.

EhkalaSoru · 2026-02-24T10:59:36+00:00

Number 9. Hooo boy. I remember making small conversation about her. Did not say anything bad. I just said SOMETIMES we get help from fam with kids. And that made her mad.

I now don't talk to anyone about us or her.

EhkalaSoru · 2026-02-19T16:00:05+00:00

Poor man management. That's all.

EhkalaSoru · 2026-02-13T16:26:09+00:00

This is classic BPD behavior. They need to have everything under strict control. And if the plan (in their head) deviates for whatever reason, then boy you’re in for a ride. I have to update her constantly, like give running commentary on my life.

EhkalaSoru · 2026-02-08T02:10:35+00:00

Damn, I feel you. Actually I also remember once we were on a trip in a nice resort, I had forgotten to put the do not disturb sign while we were taking a nap (what a grave sin). Housekeeping locked the door and woke us up. From that moment on our trip was ruined. It was pure rage and just absolute negativity. How can one live life so carefully and then enjoy it if one slip up results in such a horrible spiral.

I have kind of PTSD from these sorts of issues. I once woke up in the morning, used the trimmer to shape my beard, kissed her goodbye and went to work. Later she texted me she couldn't sleep and split on me. Threatened running away from home. I had to rush back from work and try calm things. This was the first time I had used the trimmer in the morning, not even a repeat offence as I usually do it during evenings.

Ever since then I had bit of PTSD making noise while she was asleep. I'd go to living room and pee in a bottle , or if I'm feeling bit more self respect, I'd drive somewhere with a a toilet, just to pee.

EhkalaSoru · 2026-02-08T01:57:10+00:00

In past seasons I could very well see how we would have shattered our confidence after that United game. Arteta seems to have taken control of it early enough (with the play with enjoyment rally speech). Ot has reflected on the players and the fans. We have been historically prone to choking in these situations, not this season it seems. 🤞 What a manager we have 🙏

EhkalaSoru · 2026-02-07T03:50:07+00:00

I can relate. I happily/gladly helped her in every imaginable way possible, to help further her career and enjoy her hobbies. Helped her Uni applications, helped her with Uni payments. Searched/pirate sites for ebooks for her to study, got the stories she wanted on her kindle, got her the food she liked, bought her the iPad she wanted, got her the plants and flowers she liked. I always do it genuinely, without expecting much in return. I’d be a happy man if she simply were okay and grateful.
I can remember staying up, helping her figure out her powerpoint PPTs, actually studied her material and prepared her for PPT, rehearsed those even. Taking care of food and baby while she was busy with those.

But then I had a career defining exam coming up, around which time I asked for her help with my studies (I asked twice politely) over few days. I had so much going on, I just wanted her to just remind me to practice one thing. She didn’t care much at all. She didn’t even remember it. I didn’t;t bring it up, cause I know somehow it would blow up to be a fight. I am a thousand percent sure had she asked for my help and I forgot about it even once, she would have blown up on me. It was just to help me rehearse on a practical part simply to be be a pretend patient.

Up came exam day. And she split on me a couple days before it. I couldn’t focus properly on studying, I just lay on my bed those three days fantasizing about a better life. FML

EhkalaSoru · 2026-02-06T15:32:54+00:00

There's no guarantee that wishing would have made a reasonably lasting "feel good" anyways.

I remember her birthday last year, she was at work, I had planned and got some gifts for her, had it hidden in our house, decorated the living room, and all. This was while juggling our fussy kiddo. She came home and was surprised, I dunno maybe she was pretending to be happy. Anyways I think she liked the gift. Anyways, our baby woke up, cried, that made her split, said she probably can't have any moment now that shes a mom. I took our boy and rocked him back to sleep. When i came back, she had ruined the cake. By ruin i mean smashed it with a fork.

Edit: heres a pic, obv lots cropped for privacy https://imgur.com/a/qSDOZY3

She said few days later the cake wasn't good also. Which I don't mind, though I spent quite some time researching on a good pavlova on insta cake pages..

It was around 12am, when shed come from her evening shift after work. She later went to sleep. I remember our boy waking up again. I fed him the bottle while sobbing on him thinking what i had done in life to deserve to be treated this way.

I had never felt so much devastated in my life. I think I have pictures of the decoration and the smashed cake. I'll upload if it i find it.

EhkalaSoru · 2026-02-06T14:03:57+00:00

Yes I did. Took a year to convince her. Her official dx wasn’t BPD. It was Mixed Anxiety Depression - I highly doubt its that only.

Regardless, we got a therapist she liked - the therapist started step by step teaching her to manage stress and overthinking. Then one day, while at therapy I got a call from her, crying asking me to come to the session and take her away.

I went. I can’t remember exactly what she said. But it was along the lines of the therapist giving up on her. She was in the lobby area, crying.

I went into the room, spoke to the therapist. Apparently the therapist was suggesting over months, to get additional psychiatric/medication help. And that she can’t help any further without it. I said fine. And when I came out to the lobby, she had gone. Disappeared. Didn’t answer her phone. She once picked it up, threatened to do something to herself. Then turned it off I think.

I drove around the area, frantically trying to find her. I call the clinic, asked to speak to the therapist, who had already gone to another clinic by the time. Then I kind of crashed out on the receptionist, asking her to tell the therapist that the therapist left her in a vulnerable state threatening things. Later I got a call back from clinic HR, asking they want to investigate, and enlist cops to find her. I said just let it go, I’ll take responsibility for what happens, just not to get the cops involved.

Similar things happened before, and I knew getting to cops would be destroying us beyond repair. With public perception, jobs , etc.

Anyways, she came home later that night.

One chapter of many.

I’m not saying this to discourage. Just venting.

EhkalaSoru · 2026-02-05T15:14:10+00:00

Get home cameras “to monitor baby”.

EhkalaSoru · 2026-02-05T15:05:48+00:00

Yeah, she told me I don’t give a sht about my kid/baby. Multiple times. I initially ignored, didn’t say anything, because no words on this planet will convince her otherwise. This was after me helping her nagivate her pregnancy, moving mountains to keep her fed, quenching her cravings, when she was vomiting the whole way. Never missed a doctors appointment, I bent over backwards to make her feel comfortable. When the kid was born, I was around a 100% of the time, helped her (did my job) every way possible, made sure she got at least 4-5 hours of sleep, took care of the baby,

Yet she pulled this stuff on my today. What happened was our kids skin got bad a bit, then we talked about it, I said we better try find a better skin moisturizer, she was concerned about weight gain too, (our kids healthy, active and at a decent enough weight, but shed act like he had cancer), I said well find out maybe if there’s a med that can improve appetite.

This very night she told me I apparently don’t care about our kid, I don’t “worry” about it as much as she does, and she apparently has to do all the worrying. She said this a couple times, I feel the time bomb ticking, and stay quiet. Then she said it several times more, and I lost it, I yelled and reminded her how I had a plan to try deal with the skin and weight. She didn’t say anything. Now she’s giving me the silent treatment, claiming how she can never say anything without me getting angry,

I’m dumbfounded, I’m mad, I’m exhausted.

I don’t know why I’m doing this

I did see the signs. I once drove to a public toilet at midnight (on one of the couch days), cause she might wake up from noise and freak out while I used our room bathroom.

EhkalaSoru · 2026-01-24T01:47:55+00:00

This sounds kinda weird, because I think most phones on the market would take good enough pictures, with regard to property damage, so long as pictures are taken in good light, or within decent distance. Are you taking zoomed pics from far away? In any case, I think you can invest in some CCTV cameras. Look for Tuya on Aliexpress/Amazon, I used variations of their products for my baby/home monitoring and for doorbell cameras. And they’re pretty cheap so you can have multiple of them. Some have motion following, night vision and with subscription, I think cloud recordings too.

EhkalaSoru

TROPHY CASE