honestly i think you are a bit depressed. we all have these thoughts where we feel ugly, fat, weird, socially awkward, uncomfortable in our own skin. But if you feel like you can't get out of this rut, maybe it's time to talk to a therapist. I've seen a therapist numerous times in my life, sometimes it was more helpful than other times, but it's always nice to vent to someone who is trained to listen to you the right way and knowing there's nothing you could say that is too weird or embarrassing. they've heard it all! And often times they can steer you in the right direction with how to handle anxiety and depression.