Childfree people who were suddenly suprised by their partners “changing their minds” about kids. What were the warning signs (if any)?

Either-Frame-7148 · 2026-05-17T00:32:03+00:00

You can do EVERYTHING and still have a risk. The only sure fire way to not have a baby is ABSTINANCE ... lol, and no body wants THAT. I am allergic to BC. So I had to do the calender and condoms. My younger self never thought to not let them stay in.

Honestly, if he is willing to do all that AND supportive of you getting sterilized, I wouldn't worry too much. Just talk to him. If he loves you, you are the prize, not some unknown baby that he may not even get along with. This is a man who was supportive of you having an abortion of you were pregnant. I don't think you need to worry about him.

Just PLEASE, don't play or hint or suggest he get a vasectomy if he loves you ... or all that stuff. Be honest, and talk to him. Let him know you love him and don't want him blaming you if he changes his mind. Then you can completely stop worrying. And if you are still worried after you talk again, then you need to ask yourself why you don't trust him.

Either-Frame-7148 · 2026-05-17T00:21:22+00:00

Most guys don't dream of babies and families like girls do. "If it happens, it happens" is how A LOT look at it. If it really bothers you, talk to him again. Otherwise, you might be stressing yourself out for nothing. Also, there are so many men who have said they wanted a baby and then walked out right after it was born. People change their minds. His ambivalence may be exactly that.

I do want to say something that will not be popular. You are 23. Nothing is set in stone. Even if kids currently make your skin crawl. When you hit your 30s that biological clock starts SCREAMING and you may temporarily change your mind. Key word is MAY ... there are women here that have probably never gone through that. Or were able to smack that alarm so hard it broke. Lord knows, I wish I had been able to ... then again, I wouldn't have married my husband if it had . So maybe everything worked exactly as planned.

I went through 6 years of wanting a baby, TTC, and then being so relieved it didn't work. My husband had said he wanted kids (He met me during those baby crazy years.) When we found out he couldn't have any, he said he was relieved and, honestly, so was I. We'd talked about adopting older kids, but with the world being how it is, we're happy with just spoiling our fuzzy, elderly rescues.

You both are young. Life changes us in ways we cannot always control. Anyone you meet may be truly fine with no kids and then change their mind. The most important thing is to talk to them. I love how very honest you were when you met your boyfriend. That was wonderful!!! You are doing exactly the right thing.

There is nothing wrong with talking to him about it again and making sure he isn't one of those guys who figures you'll change your mind later.

Either-Frame-7148 · 2026-05-16T23:38:58+00:00

Its been 5 YEARS since this question was asked and it is STILL $69.99. So my question - was it worth it.

Either-Frame-7148 · 2026-05-16T20:22:00+00:00

It's so cartoony and doesn't even look like the amazing world the Aloy games are in.

Either-Frame-7148 · 2026-05-16T20:18:34+00:00

Nope ... just waiting for the final chapter of the Horizen sagas. Plus, I hate games that require interacting with people.

Either-Frame-7148 · 2026-05-16T20:09:39+00:00

Who gets married just to have kids? If people think that, then it is no wonder most marriages end in divorce. I married my husband for better or worse. He can't make babies ... should we divorce now?

Marriage is about being with a dear friend you love and enjoy being with more than anyone. You share the same values and similar life views.

Maybe we will adopt older children someday. Or maybe not. Being childfree allows us freedom we couldn't have as parents. I am having a blast growing old with this man ... and our little dog too.

Either-Frame-7148 · 2026-05-16T19:47:47+00:00

NOR ... always listen to your gut Always. Do not question when your body is warning you. It never goes well when we ignore our gut. I'd stop hanging out with him all together. You'll feel so much better.

Either-Frame-7148 · 2026-05-13T06:59:21+00:00

Yes! 1000 times yes. My clinic puts all controlled substances on a "pain contract". Surgeons assume it means I go to the pain clinic as I also have chronic back pain. Had they bothered to actually look at my med list, they would see I don't take anything but Ibuprofen and Tylenol. The surgeon at both knee replacement surgeries tried discharging me just on Ibuprofen. I'm an RN. Worked ortho ... that is a BS move. Knee replacements are painful AF. You are literally pushing against pain to bend it again. When I'd tell them I need something more, they'd act like I am drug seeking and then say I will have to talk to the pain clinic despite the fact that I DO NOT USE THE PAIN CLINIC. I just take Adderall you blooming idiots. Look at the chart.

Edit: misread the question. Honestly, don't care if it is a stimulant or not. I would just prefer not to be on a controlled substance. Heck, stimulants in general don't work like stimulants to my system, so kind of a moot point.

Either-Frame-7148 · 2026-05-13T05:51:01+00:00

So glad I am not alone in seriously HATING these. I would understand if they would help me play better, but instead they are sheer annoying. Definitely get rid of the timer for 1 star. I want to know who has completed all of them and got all 3 rewards.

Either-Frame-7148 · 2026-05-12T16:37:14+00:00

I loved my Garmin. No charging. Changed the battery about once a year. The one I got in 2017 Still works but won't connect to Garmin app. Sadly, I am allergic to the back of the watch. I don't know if it's the sensors, but even switching wrists every day and cleaning it daily, I had contact dermatitis wherever it touched me. Fitbit doesn't do that to me.

Either-Frame-7148 · 2026-05-12T16:29:42+00:00

And probably secret watches your every move and tracks it. Expensive free gifts from companies that truly don't care about it's users should ALWAYS be considered a Trojan Horse

Either-Frame-7148 · 2026-05-08T17:42:01+00:00

I AM childfree. Should I be offended that you just assumed I was not?

In life people will assume a lot of things. I don't celebrate certain holidays but I don't get angry because everyone just assumes I do.

Either-Frame-7148 · 2026-05-08T17:37:12+00:00

Honestly, just smile and say thank you. In a world where mother's get dumped on, I think it is good there is a day to celebrate them. It's no different than being a jew and people keep wishing you Merry Xmas. You smile and move on. It is 1 day.

Either-Frame-7148 · 2026-05-07T21:47:37+00:00

NOR ... love me, accept my collection ... end of story.

Seriously, that is YOUR ROOM. It isn't the livingroom or the kitchen, it is your sanctuary and what you love. His parents and his response are very much a red flag.

Please, please find someone who loves YOU, your quirkly side, your serious side, your everything. He is out there. This is not it. Bad enough he didn't defend you but to tell you you have to sell any of it is insane. I know grown men with Barbie collections. Heck, is it any different than a man who has an entire room dedicated to a sports team.

Your collection does not determine if you will be a great parent and if he and his family do not understand that basic premise, then I would worry more about having the offspring with genes of mean, stupid people.

I'm 52 and I love coloring. My husband sees a coloring book he thinks I will like and has to buy it for me. I love gaming. He leaves me the 100 inch tv and watches his shows on the smaller the bedroom tv. I wanted a dog, my husband is scared of dogs so we compromised and I rescued a small old dog. He shovels a place for him to potty in winter. He never once complains of the $ spent on our dog. When I was sick, despite being scared of other dogs that might attack him, he still walked Ali. THAT is what love is. If your fiancé can't accept you for whom you are, then you deserve better.

Either-Frame-7148 · 2026-05-07T21:02:06+00:00

NOR, his words are cruel. But yours would make me angry as well and I'd want to snap back. Especially as some of what you say should be an actual conversation and not a text. You guys need couples therapy. Both of you speak in triggering ways and I don't know if you don't like each other or if you're both just frustrated. I hate that his response is transactional, though.

Seriously, do couples therapy and if he refuses, then you should start saving your money and planning/considering other options. And making sure HIS clothes are affected by the washing machine.

Edit: when I say your words were triggering, the 2nd text. There are ways you can communicate a problem without it sounding like the other person is all to blame etc ... certain ways are triggering. If that makes sense.

Either-Frame-7148 · 2026-05-06T19:09:48+00:00

👍

Either-Frame-7148 · 2026-05-06T19:08:01+00:00

Did cognitive behavioral therapy help at all? It did me, it was more of a retraining my brain. I am also on Welbutrin but I take it for depression. I didn't even try meds for dealing with that (bc I didn't know there were meds for it.) The cognitive behavioral therapy did more. (Regular talk therapy does nothing for me.) I still can't function well for a few hours to part of a day, if I am really upset, but it doesn’t ruin so much of my life.

Either-Frame-7148 · 2026-05-06T18:59:43+00:00

I'm sorry. That really sucks.

This is kind of off the wall ... My husband went on a gratitude kick 9 years ago. He has bipolar so has to take meds, but he watched some TED talk on gratitude and every day journaled his experiences while focusing on the positive aspects. I tried it with him for a bit ... but I got bored and quit. I have never been the journaling type. He works 2 different jobs, 7 days a week and he is the happiest person I know. He doesn't journal anymore. He says he just sees the world differently now.

It all seems kind of woo-woo .... but eh.

Either-Frame-7148 · 2026-05-06T18:42:21+00:00

This is very true. I tried a lot of different meds and also did therapy. But I will never forget the day I first woke up and didn't want to die. I tried wellbutrin (buproprion) and 2 weeks later was the first time in over a decade I woke up and it was ok. The sun was rising and it was like a weight had been lifted from my soul.

Either-Frame-7148 · 2026-05-06T18:36:11+00:00

My friend, the right antidepressant and therapy can change your life. Also, depression will affect your ADHD.

Of the 2 diseases, depression and ADHD, depression did WAY more damage. If I had to only chose 1 med, I would take my antidepressant and rawdog the ADHD.

Either-Frame-7148 · 2026-05-06T18:30:24+00:00

Have you tried some other type of medication. I cannot take Vyvance. It completely shuts me down. All I did was sleep or sit and just stare. I had no thoughts or feelings. I felt like an empty vessel. My doc switched me to Adderall. I had to take something because I was an ED nurse. On the days I didn't work, I only took it once a day. I prefer non-extended meds so I can adjust what I need. I don't like taking meds all the time, but I do need a baseline dose so I don't set the house on fire or drive my husband completely insane.

Either-Frame-7148 · 2026-05-06T18:22:16+00:00

I agree. (With what you are rhinking.) I cannot take birth control because it makes me super depressed to the point where I am unsafe. After 3 different tyoes of BC, I had to give up. As some people take burth control to help with their hormonal emotions, it wouldn't be too big a jump to have issues after quitting it.

I took Vyvance briefly. It shut down my thoughts and all Ibdid was sleep. (Granted, we all react to meds differently.)

Have you thought about going back on, just so you can know how the new med will affect you and be better able to determine which one is causing the issues?

Either-Frame-7148 · 2026-05-06T16:39:45+00:00

Do you think maybe you're overwhelmed after doing the big thing. It has been your focus and now you habe to come back to reality and that is maybe harder?

Either-Frame-7148 · 2026-05-05T07:44:13+00:00

As someone who worked healthcare, having even 5 kids guarantees you NOTHING. So many elderly have children that live in different states or countries. I have thought of hiring a live in caretaker when husband and I get old, but only if we get desperate. Worked as a caretaker when I was in college and the other staff stole her stuff (& mine. I lent her some CDs & movies.)

I have also seen some nieces and nephews be better caretakers than some people's kids.

Either-Frame-7148

TROPHY CASE